Honey Boo Boo’s Uncle Poodle Says He is HIV-Positive, Pressed Charges Against Boyfriend

Lee Thompson (aka Honey Boo Boo's Uncle Poodle), reveals he is HIV-positive in an interview with Atlanta's gay magazine Fenuxe:

UnclepoodleDino: Lee, when did you find out about your HIV status?

Lee: I was adamant about getting my HIV status checked on a regular basis. On March 16, 2012, I tested negative. Then, in May of 2012 my test results came back positive. I knew it had been my boyfriend who infected me. I later learned he had been HIV positive and was not taking medication and had not bothered to tell me about it. I was advised that I should press charges and, hesitantly, I did. It was the right thing to do.

Dino: What happened to your ex?

Lee: He is serving a 5-year sentence. I would have been cool with his HIV status if he had been honest. I don’t have an issue with the disease. I would have known how to protect myself.

Dino: What is your message to folks having unsafe sex?

Lee: They are damn fools! They are playing Russian roulette; they are playing with their lives and that of their sexual partners.

Previously…
The Tao Of Uncle Poodle: Honey Boo Boo's Kinsman Speaks Out [tlrd]
A Pro-Gay Message from Honey Boo Boo: VIDEO [tlrd]

Comments

  1. Ron says

    Although I feel for him for being HIV positive, but come on!

    “I was adamant about getting my HIV status checked on a regular basis.”

    A person is adamant about getting tested, great! But then has unprotected sex, REALLY STUPID!

  2. Shawn says

    Mykelb,

    You’re a bit misinformed. It’s not the infection of HIV that is a criminal act.

    The criminal act is when an infected person fails to disclose their HIV positive status to their sex partner.

  3. Bellah says

    yeah sorry buddy but it is your responsibility to take care of yourself. all you have done is put a sick man in jail and perpetuated the stigma against HIV Positive people.

  4. Kendall says

    Yes, typical of Southern idiocy. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Criminal_transmission_of_HIV_in_the_United_States

    These states have laws that prosecute individuals for criminal exposure of HIV: Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Delaware, Florida, Georgia,[2] Idaho, Illinois,[3] Indiana,[4][5] Iowa,[6] Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Michigan,[7] Mississippi, Missouri,[8] Montana,[9] Nevada, New Jersey, New York,[10] North Carolina[11], North Dakota, Ohio,[12] Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Virginia, and Washington.[13][14]

  5. Rosie Cheeks says

    @Bellah
    You are right on one point and wrong on the other.

    Yes, it was Lee’s responsibility to ensure his own safety by protecting himself. But the “sick man in jail” should be in jail for purposely NOT disclosing his positive status!

  6. Rob says

    There are a number of things about this story that don’t seem credible…or at least seem “off”. Why would he have tested 2 months apart (March then May of 2012)? How could he have then gotten married to someone else in August 2012? Even the criminal prosecution and sentence seem a bit questionable. I think someone needs to do a bit of digging here…

  7. ratbastard says

    I sympathize with his HIV status. And I think ALL states should have a law making it a criminal offense to knowingly infect another human being with the virus and not informing sexual partners of your status. Although I’m not sure how you avoid abuse in a he said/he said situation. If at all unsure, use a condom, period.

    And yes, I get the impression some parts of this story are missing.

  8. drumstick says

    There’s clearly more to the story here. Why is Poodle getting tested every 2 months if he has a boyfriend? He clearly never trusted him or himself.
    And the boyfriend simply refused to take any meds? Ya, right.
    Putting this man in jail for not disclosing does nothing but ruin another man’s life. Are we going to start putting people in jail for failing to disclose Hepatitis? the new incurable gonnorhea?

  9. MB says

    It’s not the transmission that’s criminal, it’s knowing that you COULD transmit and actively lying about it that’s a problem. Cry about stigma all you want, but as someone who IS positive, I think that not telling someone and letting them make their own decision is sick.

  10. Lars says

    Not knowing anything about this man, I don’t really care about the particulars of his story. But, yes, knowingly infecting your sex partner by lying about your status is, and should be, a crime. Such laws don’t stigmatize or criminalize being positive. They stigmatize and criminalize being an irresponsible and deceitful sex partner.

    And while we’re at it, can we please rid ourselves of this ridiculous notion that HIV is no longer a big deal?? Yes it is now very manageable, thank God. But it is still a major life disruption under the best of circumstances. And adopting a cavalier attitude is destructive and even lethal.

  11. Shawn says

    MARCUS BACHMANN,
    You’re also missing the point, unless you’re just trying to be funny.

    It’s not the transmission that is criminal. If someone knows that their sex partner is HIV positive, chooses to have unprotected sex and then becomes infected, that was their choice.

    The criminal act is when an infected person has sex without disclosing their positive status before having sex.

  12. BEAHBEAH says

    Both parties are at fault here. Uncle Poodle for not wearing protection and his partner for knowingly lying about his status and infecting him.

    I have no issues with this being criminalized. If you are HIV positive and knowingly infecting people with no regard for their well-being, you’re a sick individual and need to be dealt with.

    People, wear condoms! End of story. No point in playing such a dangerous game. And thank you Lars, I’m sick of people making light of HIV/AIDS like it’s nothing. People are still dying before their time in the US because of this disease. And that’s not including the rest of the world, where people aren’t nearly as fortunate.

  13. steve says

    I wish with my boyfriend for over 3 years and we never once had unprotected sex. It’s just something I don’t want to get in the habit of doing. Because, if I’m in the habit of doing it then in a risky situation I’m more likely to unsafe. I just think having unsafe sex is a bad habit to get into even when you’re in a long-term relationship.

  14. Ted in Dallas says

    I later learned he had been HIV positive and was not taking medication and had not bothered to tell me about it. I was advised that I should press charges and, hesitantly, I did. It was the right thing to do. — NO!! NO!! NO!! The right thing to do would have been not expose your a&&-hole to someone you don’t really know. BB = DEATH!!!!! The only person responsible for your health/safety is yourself.

  15. major707 says

    Why is everyone so eager to place the blame and responsibility on someone else? Its your life and your responsibility…. all you have to do is ask…..Are you HIV positive? Simple and straight forward. I guess this generation is so “entitled” that someone else must take care of them. Grow up! Accept responsibility for your behavior. My husband of 18 years and I had this conversation the day we met.

  16. Ted in Dallas says

    @jawole…”Ethically, you should disclose your status and I think in some jurisdictions it’s criminal not to disclose as well — as it should be.” So you have no responsibility for your own health?

  17. Bellah says

    yeah sorry Rosie cheeks but we are all responsible for our own risk factor. he had unprotected sex with someone he didnt really know. Whether or not he witheld his status and why is besides the point. We all are responsible for ourselves. as long as there is fingerpointing there will be new infections

  18. Wilberforce says

    The plan for new boyfriends is obvious.
    Discuss it, get tested together, always use condoms, and keep getting tested together.
    Something so simple is hard to understand because the community has a self-destructive streak a mile wide and has chosen not to deal with the issue for thirty years.

  19. BABH says

    Some commenters seem to have trouble with the concept of informed consent. Of course we should all assume that any sex partner could be HIV positive, and take proper precautions. One of those precautions is talking about one another’s HIV status. An honest conversation. Because if a person lies about their status, then has sex with the person they lied to, that’s a sexual assault. Why? Because while the victim though they were consenting to one kind of sex (sex with someone who honestly believes they are HIV negative), they did *not* consent to the sex that actually took place (sex with someone definitely and knowingly HIV positive).

    I’m negative. I want to stay negative. I have no problem having safe sex with positive partners, or partners who don’t know their status. I am willing to consent to taking that risk. I have also enjoyed having unprotected sex within committed relationships. But if a boyfriend that I trusted enough to have unprotected sex with deliberately lied about his status and continued to have unprotected sex with me, I would feel violated – raped, in fact – whether he infected me or not.

    Call it what you like: assault with a deadly weapon, sexual assault, rape, attempted murder… Damn right it should be prosecuted.

  20. BABH says

    [Edit: should’ve written “safer” sex, not “safe.” There is no such thing as “safe” sex, just different levels of risk. You can probably even get carpal tunnel from masturbating.]

  21. Billy says

    You people saying he should not have taken legal action are delusional. Yes he should have protected himself, but thats not the point here. The point is his partner knowingly infected. I wonder what your comments would be if it was a women saying she go infected.

  22. FancyPants says

    So I guess every single african american woman now living with HIV in America are really to blame because their lying closeted boyfriends/husbands/lovers were on the DL and lying to them about who they were sleeping with? Give me a break. This double standard that gays have in saying we only have ourselves to blame is absurd. If someone lies to you and you falsely put your trust in them (and in this case, with good reason because they were your partner), then I don’t think you’re entirely to blame for the outcome. I also don’t think it’s black or white. If some stranger on the internet tells you they are neg and you bareback, well, you’re an idiot. But even in that case, I’d argue you’re not entirely to blame, just perhaps more to blame than someone who is deceived by a partner.

    I’m sorry if I don’t feel sorry for the lying boyfriend being in jail. It isn’t like the careless Poodle isn’t paying for his mistake.

    I think if you know you’re positive and you know your partner or lover thinks you are not and relies on your telling them you are not and you infect them, jail is no question in my book. If you’re positive and you go home with someone you don’t know and they don’t ask or don’t seem to care at all, well then I think maybe you can safely assume they assume you are positive and don’t care. It’s just not black and white to me. There’s a sliding scale of blame.

  23. Jon says

    @KENDALL: Thanks for the research and busting the Southern stigma of bad ideas. The Northern states of Delaware, Iowa, Kansas, Maryland, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Virginia, and Washington all prosecute individuals for criminal exposure of HIV.

    Unfortunately, DADT has left the military and moved to the bedroom.

  24. Asher says

    If you don’t ask me my status, I’m not going to volunteer it. And if you decide to have bareback sex with me, you’re responsible for whatever happens. You negative guys might not like to hear that, but that’s how most poz guys operate.

  25. Paul R says

    I agree that elements of this story are implausible. That would be remarkably quick prosecution and sentencing. Also–and I’ve never watched this show and don’t plan to–were this entirely accurate, wouldn’t it have come up sooner?

  26. Justin says

    Asher,

    I agree that people have to take full responsibilities for themselves. If they choose to not be safe, there are indeed -consequences.

    However, having said that – if you and “most poz guys” operate like that, I don’t know how you sleep at night.

  27. bareback rider says

    I wonder how you document consent. Scenario: Two guys bareback and later one turns poz. Party 1: I told you. Party 2: No you didn’t. Party 1: Yes, I did. Party 2: No you didn’t. (continue as needed)

    How do you prove consent was/wasn’t given?

  28. Asher says

    @Justin:

    I sleep just fine. I’m on meds, undetectable, and never lie about my status. But if you don’t ask, I’ll assume either you’re positive, or you don’t care about my status.

    I’d like to know how all the guys who treat HIV+ guys like pariahs, with their “DDF, neg4neg, CLEAN UB2″ statuses on grindr and Adam4Adam sleep at night.

    By and large, most negative guys are complete assholes to positive guys, and no one should be surprised that poz guys are hesitant to disclose their status.

    There used to be a time when gay men supported one another, and negative guys had no problem being in a relationship with a poz guy. Those times have changed…for the worse.

  29. DB says

    A friend of mine recently had sex with a man who was HIV positive who did not disclose his status before sex. They used condoms and my friend is not infected fortunately. However, now that he found out, my friend of course reported the infected criminal to the police. At this point, the police have not yet arrested the infected criminal. Does anyone know a way to encourage the police to move on this? I has been three days since my friend reported this guy for having sex without reporting his status.

  30. BABH says

    “If you don’t ask me my status, I’m not going to volunteer it.”

    That’s fine.

    “And if you decide to have bareback sex with me, you’re responsible for whatever happens.”

    That’s criminally reckless. How can you possibly be OK with contributing to the spread of this plague, instead of its eradication?

  31. Justin says

    @Asher,

    I’m sorry but partial responsibility lies on someone who is positive to disclose that – whether they are asked or not. Telling someone when only asked is not enough.

    I repeat – I don’t how you sleep at night with that modus operandi.

    I’m sorry to hear that people treat hiv+ individuals with any disrespect.

    I am negative and dated a guy who is positive for 3 months last year. It ended amicably and had nothing to do with the status of either of us. In fact, we are good friends. He told me immediately on our first date which made me like and respect him that much more.

    I understand your comments and the reluctance from people to disclose hiv+ status. That does not make it ok to do so and have unsafe sex.

  32. Jakrabt says

    The article does not state how long they had been together and/or having sex so how can he prove it was his BF that gave it to him? The incubation period is a number of weeks before antibodies show up on a test. I doubt ‘Poodle’ can claim he was a ‘virgin’ before they met. Besides, he agreed to unsafe sex before getting that question out of the way so it’s unfair to jail the boyfriend for his failure to protect himself. It takes two to tango and he is not crying “rape”.

  33. Marty says

    As others have said there is much more to this story. I don’t mean to be harsh, but alot of people like to rewrite history to make it seem like “oops that one time I had unprotected sex” I got infected. In reality, contracting HIV is not the easiest thing to do. Usually that “one time” was just the one time THAT time.
    And the poz on the thread who is knowingly putting others lives at risk is simply sick (and should be prosecuted). Sounds like he wants to do to others the same thing that was done to him. Sick.

  34. Jakrabt says

    @Justin- I get what Asher is saying'; the stigma of having HIV among negative guys is really hard to deal with. Us gay guys can be very mean to each other at times. Don’t lull yourself into a false sense of security thinking that every guy with HIV is going to tell you. We are all responsible for protecting ourselves so you must assume every sex partner is positive until you see proof otherwise. Anything you do with anyone these days is an assumed risk. One thing about poz guys though- most are on meds, are undetectable and have a lower infectivity rate. Worry about the ones who think they are negative and don’t get tested- those are the ones with viral loads in the danger zone.

  35. Julia Brown says

    my buddy’s mom makes $61 an hour on the internet. She has been unemployed for 9 months but last month her paycheck was $13125 just working on the internet for a few hours. Read more on this site……. BIT40.com

  36. DB says

    A simple analogy to the HIV-infected person who does not disclose his status to a sexual partner is illustrative. If a person with a loaded gun points that gun at another person and pulls the trigger, who is more at fault? Is the person who shot the gun (i.e. the HIV-positive person) at fault? Or, is the person who was shot (the HIV-negative person) at fault for not wearing a bullet-proof vest?

  37. TooBoot says

    I agree with Asher 100%. Consent cannot be proven. It is heresay and there is no way to prove that you tested positive because of one person. If you do not disclose your status to me, I will not disclose to you. Your silence makes you complicit. Period. End of story.

  38. Marty says

    If anyone wonders why there is a stigma against poz guys, just read the comments of poz men knowingly and willfully putting other lives at risk…for what?..sex. Their regard for life is so little that they will rationalize why they have no moral obligation to tell someone they have a disease that could kill them simply because they want one more sexual encounter. This is what we are up against.

  39. TooBoot says

    Anyone who contracts HIV today, with all we know about using condoms, deserves what they get and is totally responsible for contracting the disease because you were stupid enough not to use protection. It is so much easier to blame someone else but it is ultimately your responsiblity. No one should have to disclose because everyone should be using condoms.

  40. Derrick from Philly says

    I don’t think I could’ve pressed charges. I would have blamed myself for having unprotected anal sex.

    Ofcourse, I don’t know what it feels like to be in a committed relationship. I suppose there is some trust involved in that situation.

    Hell, don’t trust no damn body but yourself.

  41. Justin says

    @TooBoot

    You’re absolutely right that people should be using condoms and be responsible for their own well being.

    You’re absolutely wrong that people “deserve what they get” and that “no one should have to disclose…”

    WRONG RECKLESS SELFISH

    PERIOD. END OF STORY.

  42. Asher says

    @DB, I sure you hope you are being ironic here.

    “However, now that he found out, my friend of course reported the infected criminal to the police.”

    So you’re saying that even though your friend didn’t contract HIV, he still reported the guy to the police?

    There’s something seriously wrong with you. Your friend should be sued for malicious persecution.

  43. Asher says

    @Marty, cut out the holier than thou crap. You are the very reason that there is stigma against HIV+ men, and why some HIV+ men lie about their status. You see it as “us” against “them.”

    It takes two to tango.

  44. TooBoot says

    You know what’s shameful and selfish is all the guys who THINK they’re negative (which is anyone who doesn’t know they’re positive)acting entitled to bareback sex without consequences. You DO deserve to get whatever STD you get, even HIV if you don’t wear a condom. STUPID. SELFISH. PERIOD. END OF STORY.

  45. Marty says

    “Asher” the crime is failing to disclsoure…meaning the crime is that you did not tell….it doesn’t depend on whether the other person actually got infected. What’s not clear about that?

    Also, unfortunately it’s not as simple as “it takes two to tango”. One person is “tango-ing” with a deadly disease that they KNOW they have…and should feel some moral oblgation to tell. Obviously, that is not the case given the comments here, which is why the law had to step in. No matter how you slice it, you are putting someone else’s life at risk when you could simple give that person THE CHOICE. I’m 100 percent sure you or anyone else who is currently infected would have loved to be given that same choice. I know it’s not fair, but people’s live are at stake.
    As much sex as gay men have you would think it was the last piece of pipe at the factory. One less is not going to make the difference in the long run. Please.

  46. Justin says

    @ TOOBOOT

    I agree with you on some of your points.

    It is obvious that you do not understand that NOT disclosing HIV+ status is wrong if you are engaging in sexual activity with another person – WITH or WITHOUT CONDOMS.

    What about that do you not understand?

  47. TooBoot says

    Justin, you can try and guilt me all you want, but it won’t work. Call me selfish and reckless all you want. It still wont change the fact that you don’t have control over me or anyone else. You only have control over yourself, and if you have unprotected sex, regardless of my lack of moral character or my selfishness or recklessness or whatever, you are the one that is going to have an incurable disease and you won’t be able to prove I gave you the virus. I’ll just say I disclosed to you and that you had multiple partners so it couldn’t be me.

  48. Robert says

    If a man gave a woman HIV in the same manner, he would practically be burned at the stake. Why is this any different? Because we should “know” better but heterosexual women are at a lower risk? Give me a break. It’s this guy’s mistake, but the HIV+ guy broke a law and gave this guy a life sentence, end of story.

  49. Marty says

    Um, without going into a whole “legal-evidence” discussion TooBoot I can assure you it doesn’t play out in courts that way….but I don’t think that matters to you…you are determined to make all gay men pay for what happened to you…thankfully, the law has stepped in.

  50. says

    Haven’t we been through all this ?
    Each is responsible for himself. No blame, no excuses, no retribution.
    This is a health issue, not a criminal one and pointing the finger at another gets us nowhere.

    But all this has the whiff of a show that’s running out of sensational disclosures and is desperate for the next one.

  51. TooBoot says

    You guys bitching and moaning about disclosure live in a fantasy world where everyone is HIV negative and therefore don’t ask or disclose. Those of us who live in the real world assume everyone is positive and unless you say you are not we assume you are and so we have the unsafe sex you are willing to have. If you just had our mindset, the need for disclosure would be moot, because you would be using a condom, or having anal-less sex (unless you mean rimming of course).

  52. Justin says

    @TooBoot

    I am not trying to make you feel guilty about anything. I don’t want control over you or anyone else for that matter. I’m not looking to prove anything about who gave who ‘what’.

    Obviously, you are angry and don’t get it. I understand why as – the stigma and challenges of hiv are there for everyone – positive and negative.

    Regardless, I wish you the best.

    I hope that most people that are hiv+ do not think and act like you.

  53. stephen lucas says

    This just harms the image of gay men. We’re being portrayed as ill people. Gay men need to take some of the blame for being so promiscuous. The gay media seems to love the “gay man = ill” equation.

    By the way, has anyone thought that this guy is an attention whore?

  54. TooBoot says

    Justin, someone who is positive who does not disclose is just as WRONG as someone who is negative who does not protect himself. You are right, I am angry. When people scapegoat, that pisses me off. Take responsibility for your own life and I’ll take responsibility for mine. I don’t ow you anything. Oh, I get it, you want to put the burden of safety on the HIV positive person. I wish you well too and hope that most HIV negative guys are not as obtuse as you.

  55. Stefan says

    Wow, some people have a twisted view of reality. Yes, our health is our own responsibility, but if we’re going with that line then we should just really preach abstinence only, all take vows of celibacy, and–while we’re at it–live in bubbles. We live in a society of relationships, and we have laws to set up the responsibilities that we owe each other.

    Poodle’s boyfriend failed in his responsibility based on the presented evidence, plain and simple, so I’m not sure why we’re getting into discussions about having a sense of entitlement, bare-backing, Southern culture, or criminalizing disease. It’s about duty of disclosure. Period.

  56. ty says

    This is ridiculous, HIV is manageable, what if someone transmits Herpes or Hep C ?? Those can be either very painful or deadly. Also: Does the judge just assume that Poodle was monogamous i.e. take his word over the Poz dude?? Also: when I was single i would bleed with a rubber, a broken rubber is how i converted!! Just don’t have sex if you don’t want HIV.. jeez

  57. TooBoot says

    So, what now Marty are you some sort of legal expert in this area. You don’t know all the jurisdictions and their laws. In NY the burden of proof for intent is on the plaintiff, which is necessary to have a case. As I recall you live in the Netherlands so don’t act like you know what our legal system is like.

  58. Justin says

    @ TooBoot

    Thankfully, there are laws in place that do not agree with you. People that do not reveal their hiv+ status can go to jail.

    You do owe people (positive and negative) the disclosure of your hiv+ status – regardless of whether condoms are used and regardless of the other person’s status.

    You simply don’t get it and probably never will. Your anger will only bring you down not me…

    I always play safe – whether single or partnered. (Currently, I am dating someone for 5 months who is hiv+).

    Over & Out on this subject -I am done as I said what I have to say…

  59. TooBoot says

    Justin
    You must feel all warm and safe inside knowing that there are laws out there that unjustly punish people with no intent to harm. Let that lull you into a false sense of security so you can sleep better at night.

  60. Marty says

    If you are failing to disclosure your HIV status you are intending to harm (intentional, negligent, reckless, etc.). Tooboots you likely have never been involved in criminal court proceeeding…yet. I wouldn’t go betting the farm on “well, I’ll just say they were promiscous…case closed!”. Anyway, with that, I’ll end it.

  61. BABH says

    Tooboot: An HIV positive person who has unprotected sex with someone without discussing their HIV status can be presumed to have an intent to harm. At a minimum it shows a reckless disregard for another human being. Some negative people are stupid and carefree, and willing to have unprotected sex with strangers. It’s your responsibility (it’s all of our responsibilities) to educate them, not to infect them.

    Perhaps you are in denial about the magnitude and horror of this plague, otherwise you would never, ever, want to risk passing the infection on just to have bareback sex with a stranger. If you are aware of the fact that 1.7 million people died of AIDS-related illnesses last year, and still act so recklessly, then you are exactly the sort of monster who needs to be in jail for the protection of society. Take a long look in the mirror, and rethink your position on this.

    Status disclosure: I’m negative, and in a committed relationship with a positive man.

  62. TooBoot says

    Marty you are wrong in your legal assumption of intent, in California for example one cannot be prosecuted on failing to disclose alone, there must be an intent to harm. In NY there is no law specifying HIV disclosure. You and Justin and anyone else who is so fixated on prosecuting HIV positive people fail to realize that these laws do not improve prevention or change disclosure attitudes in the states where they specify HIV disclosure culpability. These clearly serve the irresponsible and promiscuous that are looking to make a buck off the system all the while obfuscating their responsibilty.

  63. TooBoot says

    BABH that is your presumption because you see us as monsters, hiding under your bed at night like boogy men ready to grab you. The fact is, very few prosecuted cases have shown intent. You think by prosecuting non disclosers it somehow makes the world safer, but it doesn’t. YOU and you alone are the one who can insure your safety by wearing a condom. If you insist on babebacking, I assume you are positive, or don’t care about HIV. Why should I assume otherwise? Why am I responsible to educate you? You are an adult! You have a brain and can reason and make choices like a big boy. How many other areas of your life do you abdicate responsibility?

  64. Marky says

    At the end of the day we all have to protect ourselves, people lie and sometimes don’t know.

    It’s just sad when someone is supposed to be your “boyfriend” in a LTR… someone who is supposed to care and does not disclose their status. I haven’t had unprotected sex yet but would like to with my LT BF, but I guess you can never trust someone 100%.

    I just don’t understand how you can do that to someone.

    One night stands or Grindr you’re on your own.

    That’s just the way I feel morally

  65. BABH says

    No Tooboot. I love my husband. It’s your current argument I have a problem with, not with you personally, and not with positive men in general. I really hope to be able to change your mind about this, because you are wrong, and HIV is a virulent plague.

    Again: it’s not all on HIV positive men. It is everyone’s responsibility. But if one person fails to be responsible (e.g. by not asking), that’s not an excuse for the other person to be irresponsible by avoiding a conversation about HIV status.

    Yes, it is absolutely your responsibility to educate people, because you know a lot, and there is far too much ignorance about HIV. That’s why it’s starting to spread faster and faster among ignorant gay men who think it’s like having diabetes (as if *that’s* something anyone would want).

  66. testington says

    well in his defense it’s not that uncommon to get tested two months apart. I get tested when I have a physical but if I’m at Pride and there are free rapid results tests you might as well do it.

  67. TooBoot says

    BABH if there is ignorance about HIV it’s because it is willfull. The message is not nuanced, it is wear a condom all the time when having butt sex. You must be one of those “it takes a villagers” who think everybody is responsible for everybody. That is very Kumbaya but I don’t roll like that, I believe in personal responsibility, especially for guys my age (middle). There is no excuse for ignorance at that point. If you are talking about Young MSM, then, sure I can see being part of an educational solution about that, but I’m not having sex with them. If someone asks then I will offer but I don’t go around “educating” adults on HIV, I expect them to know because of the devastation you felt you had to remind me of. You see me as a monster because I don’t take your responsibility away from you, which if I did would be more amoral than any non disclosure ever could be. BTW, HIV is EASIER to treat than DM, so the epidemic has changed. It is NOT a death sentence and we are NOT in the 80’s.

  68. GirlwithaBrain says

    Wow, the ignorance in these comments!

    Firstly, he could’ve very well asked his BF if he was HIV +, and been told “no.” The point is, anyone with HIV knows, by law, they must disclose their status. Stop judging, you could very well be put in the same situation.

    Second, HIV testing is recommended 3 months from the last date of unprotected sex to cover the “window period,” which means the time it takes for antibodies to HIV to show up in the blood. It sounds like he could have been tested too early, and that was the reasoning for getting tested just two months later. I’ve seen this a lot in my practice.

    Also, taking medication for HIV greatly reduces the risk for infectivity. If one can get their viral load down to “undetectable,” then they are at a substantially low risk for transmitting the virus. Yes, they should still have been using condoms, but there is a reason the ex is in jail – for not taking care of himself, and not protecting others.

    The majority of you commenting sound incredibly uneducated about HIV, and should be keeping your ignorant, uninformed comments to yourself! Do yourselves and the rest of society a favour and get EDUCATED about HIV. Let’s stop the stigma, please!

  69. MGC says

    Marky:
    Over two thirds of new HIV infections occur between steady partners. When you bareback, no matter why or how often or with whom, you invite infection with HIV—and a host of other pathogens. It’s just a medical fact.

  70. Asher says

    What’s so amazing about all of the horribly judgmental men on this site who are so quick to demonize HIV+ men, and would preferably throw us in jail if we fail to disclose our most recent hangnail…is that if and when you seroconvert, your tune will change on a dime.

    When you’ve walked in my shoes for 18 years, then you can judge me. Until then, I’ll live my life as I see fit, and you can do the same.

  71. Justin says

    it’s really not that simple to disclose your status, I am HIV+ and have been for 20 years and haven’t had sex for the past 15 years because every guy I wanted to have sex with would look at me like a leper when I said I was positive, one guy who DID have sex with me, after sex I found him in the shower scrubbing his body with a scrubbing brush like it was something dirty he could catch (even tho we wore condoms)and then never heard from him again.Its very depressing.

  72. acevedo says

    Asher’s comments are scary. It’s like a used car salesmen who knowingly sells you a car that is mechanically unsafe but figures it’s ok if he doesn’t tell you cuz you didn’t ask. I agree that mature adults should know the deal and protect themselves at all times but some 17 year old kid who is being sexed up by an older HIV+ guy may not know to ask or be too clueless to assume the guy is positive. Basically Asher is saying he is such a sex pig that he will try to get it at any cost, regardless of who he hurts in the process. Lastly, I personally would not sleep with a HIV poz guy – I don’t want to take that risk and I have worked too hard over the years to be super diligent about safe sex and you have not. Period.

  73. Sean says

    There are two things I think should be addressed:
    Legally, I think that if Person A does not ask the status of the other person B and then sseroconverts, Person B should not be held responsible criminally. If Person B lied, then clearly they should be locked up (there is a gray area on those who can claim ignorance).

    Morally, I think it’s imperative that the HIV+ person should disclose their status, no matter if the other party asks or not. Though I can’t predic the future, if I ever become positive, I don’t think I could forgive myself if I gave someone else HIV by not voluntarily disclosing my status.

  74. Marky says

    @MGC

    “Two-thirds”? that is mindblowing to me, what kind of relationships are those? I am still in my 20s I am just going to stay with condoms that stat is scary.

    @Justin

    That is unfair and heartbreaking

  75. Asher says

    @Acevedo and everyone else: I’ve NEVER lied about my status, and I’ve never wanted for someone I’ve been with to contract HIV. I would NEVER “sex up” some 17 year old, as you put it, and put him at risk. I take care of myself, take my meds, and generally have sex with other poz men because I don’t want to deal with exactly what Justin describes. I have safe sex with most men I encounter, and no, I don’t always disclose my status when we’re having safe sex, because there is absolutely no need!

    However, it makes my blood boil to hear you say, “Lastly, I personally would not sleep with a HIV poz guy…” What this proves is: a) you don’t understand that safe sex is safe; b) you blindly trust supposedly negative men rather than trusting men who actually KNOW their status; c) you’re a bigot; and d) you’re not that bright.

    It is so sad to me how awful HIV- are to HIV+ men. Most of you have just no clue.

  76. Flip says

    You people seriously don’t think that it should be a criminal act? It’s basically assault. It used to be prosecutable as attempted murder years ago. And someone blamed the South for… what? For having the same laws as everywhere else in the country? I think it’s time to pick up a book or two, lads.

  77. anony6 says

    Careful, some of you on your high horses just may come tumbling down your ivory towers.

    A couple in a long term relationship ought to be able to have unprotected sex. The problem is not the unprotected sex, its the lack of honesty.

    I wish Poodle strength for the rough times, and courage for the good times.

  78. Keith in SF says

    A$$hats like this guy are in the same category as the guys who blame the women they rape for being “too sexy”. It’s not their fault they didn’t use common sense 40 years into the pandemic, he said … or maybe he didn’t say. Laws like he one that put the guy in jail is one reason why so many people don’t get an HIV test. Take responsibility for your own life and your own status.

  79. says

    I sympathize with his HIV status. And I think all countries should have a law making it a crime intentionally infected another human virus, not tell your partner status. Although I don’t know what do you do to avoid abuse in he said/he said it. If not sure, use a condom, period.
    Yes, I have an impression in some areas of the lack of the story.

  80. Ain't it Funny says

    Funny to hear all those “take personal responsibility”, “every man for himself” queens (who generally tend to be poz, just by coincidence) who I’m sure have no problem asking taxpayers to help them pay for healthcare costs, meds etc. when they get sick. Why not take responsibility for that?

    Sounds harsh, sure, but that what your callous disregard for human life sounds like to a lot of us…if you don’t give to hoots about us, then why should we give two hoots about you?….take responsibility right?

  81. says

    “What’s so amazing about all of the horribly judgmental men on this site who are so quick to demonize HIV+ men, and would preferably throw us in jail if we fail to disclose our most recent hangnail…is that if and when you seroconvert, your tune will change on a dime.

    When you’ve walked in my shoes for 18 years, then you can judge me. Until then, I’ll live my life as I see fit, and you can do the same.”

    Posted by: Asher | Jan 15, 2013 9:02:52 PM

    I’ve been HIV+ since March 18, 1993. I’ve got you beat for your 18 years, and you, sir, are wrong. I have NEVER had sex with someone without telling them my status, EVER. It IS your duty and responsibility to disclose your status before having sex with someone… EVEN if they don’t ask outright. Anything less SHOULD BE and apparently IS illegal to do otherwise.

  82. TooBoot says

    To all you crybaby “negatives,” those disclosure laws won’t prevent you from getting HIV, but a condom will. Just put one on and no one has to disclose. Or don’t, it’s your choice, but when you seroconvert, you can gnash your teeth and flail your little arms around like a muppet, going through all the legal gymnastics to get the bad guy, but you will still be positive. How’re you gonna prove who it was? How’re you gonna prove intent to harm? How will it look when the defense team calls into question your promiscuous past? LOL.

  83. mcanto says

    My partner & I have been together for almost 34 years. We were separated, geographically, for several months because of work in 1988. During that time both of us had a couple of mini-affairs. Then we re-united and resumed being monogamous, stupidly not getting tested and often having unprotected sex. In 1998, my partner began to feel unwell and tests confirmed him to be HIV-positive. Unbelievably I was negative. Being a sero-different couple obviously has its difficulties. But I know that I myself could easily have been infected too – I still harbor some guilt about that. Ironically, the delay in my partner’s diagnosis was a blessing in disguise. Had his seroconversion been discovered in 1989, he would have been tried on a myriad of unsuccessful treatment regimens, as it was all that was available then and through the early Nineties. As it happened, he was able to begin HAART immediately on diagnosis, as it was discovered to be effective in 1996 and changed the fate of PWA’s, at least in the developed world, forever. He has now been on several regimens over the past 16 years, and his viral load has remained non-detectable for the entire time except for 2 short blips. He has, however, suffered various side effects of practically all his medications -which makes any changes necessary a sort of russian roulette. But think of the alternative… We watched dozens of close friends die horrible deaths in the Eighties.
    We now of course always practice the safest sex possible, that is short of chastity. But never did I believe in 1997 that we’d be celebrating our 34th anniversery in 2013.

  84. Liam says

    Why is everyone assuming that Poodle didn’t ask about his partner’s status? Pretty clearly he was concerned about being infected because he got tested so regularly. He would have asked, I know i would have. Indeed I always ask before I am intimate with anyone. Deliberately infecting another person is criminal. His partner knew he was HIV positive, he knew he wasn’t taking his meds, and he knew that having unprotected sex with Poodle would probably infect him. That is all deliberate and dispicable. Please stop making excuses for this creep and stop blaming the victim here. Lots of guys have unprotected sex in committed, monogomous relationships. That doesn’t make them stupid or wrong. IT also doesnt excuse the bad behavior of a psychopath.

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