1. Jason says

    I had to laugh when Dan said that gay men talk to each other about sex. Most anonymous encounters don’t involve any talking, Dan.

    Shut up, Dan.

  2. Sargon Bighorn says

    Jason, how about YOU shut up as you don’t speak for all Gay men and you’re no expert on it Nor have you written for years about it. Maybe YOUR anonymous encounters don’t involve talking. You’re sounding like a bitter old Queen. And you seem to think that Gay men only have anonymous sex. Shut Up, Jason.

  3. says

    I like the way Dan is so direct; no dancing about what he is saying, it’s in your face…….and the points on communication are valid as are the words which he says we all us ;”What are you into?”

    Being gay is direct and should be equally honest.

  4. aneas taint says

    Jason, just because all of the sex you have is in parks in the dark in silence, doesn’t mean that everyone else does it that way. Most gay men do talk before commencing sex.

    Shut up, Jason.

  5. Jason says

    Dan is a weirdo who uses the word “gay” to market himself. It’s about marketing. We need to stop tying our sails to those who use gay issues to market themselves.

    By the way, my nickname for Dan is Gretchen.

  6. Marc C says

    And on that note I have to ask, why are any of you even bothering to respond, yet again, to the troll known as Jason. Are you people incredibly stupid, or just gluttons for punishment.


  7. Zlick says

    For once, I’d love to see a Dan Savage conversation on Towleroad be about what the man has said, and not about his fame or his “right” to be “our” spokesperson.

    And on this topic, I think he has an interesting point. Not just yes or no, but What Are You Into? I can tell you this – with my interests, we’d best get to that subject of What Are You Into!

  8. Jason says

    If same-sex relationships are based on “what are you into?”, then we really are in trouble. This notion reduces same-sex relationships to the level of a fetish. It reduces us to a sex act.

    How about being into love, Dan?

  9. my2cents says

    would love to see/hear his one-on-one sex discussion with dr. ruth…

    and i guess dan scored big by being born gay inthis lifetime — from the sound of things, he must have been an oppressed female hetero in the previous 1,000 or so.

  10. Anastasia Beaverhausen says

    @Marc C: The Internets abhor a vacuum, so if Jason were to go away another troll would self-recruit to take its place. It’s easier to keep the troll we know, and this one is fairly stupid and easy to dismiss. With the next troll we might not be so lucky; maybe the NSA would launch a clever and untiring trollbot on this site, so beware the Law of Unintended Consequences.

  11. Javier says

    Dan Savage is an awful “spokesman” for gay men or bisexual men. How about he stop making stereotypical pronouncements about gay/bi dudes and make it clear that he is just talking about his lifestyle, his values, his beliefs. He speaks for himself and himself only.

  12. says

    I had to laugh when Dan said that gay men talk to each other about sex. Most anonymous encounters don’t involve any talking, Dan.

    Shut up, Dan.

    Posted by: Jason | Jun 23, 2013 4:50:12 PM
    I’m a 42 year old gay man that has never, ever, had an anonymous sexual encounter. You, obviously have. Maybe you shouldn’t speak to others motivations either, Jason.

  13. UFFDA says

    I have never had an anonymous encounter/ sex either. For me it always involves who the other person is. Anything else has always been too sorded for me to indulge. Dan Savage is of course a true bottom feeder, imbibing too much of his advice and you get mercury poisoning.

  14. JoelD says

    Dan is an important voice for sexual liberation. Don’t always agree and do, as I age, note that his perspective might just shift on some issues as he ages. But, while acknowledging that I might not be an Olympic sexpert myself, I agree with Javier that his schtick can be used by those who wish to reduce us to walking cocks. Dan’s major is sex advice. I guess that if str8 folk were more comfortable with sex in general, maybe we wouldn’t scare them so much.

  15. jamal49 says

    True, Jason. But that’s because we gay men are fluid in our expectations and many time, the encounter is made as it goes along. Straights lack that ability.

    By the way, how’s the closet these days?

  16. Rrhain says

    @Jason: You seem to have not paid attention to what Savage actually said.

    Even in a completely anonymous hookup in a dark room, there is a conversation that happens. You aren’t there without a reason. You put out a signal about what it is you want to do and the other responds. If you try something the other guy doesn’t want to do, he’ll stop you, and you move on to something else. Yeah, you don’t have to say specific words, but you are still communicating. You touch this and he lets you and gets you to continue. He touches you and you let him and get him to continue. This action leads to that action and you give and take what you’re looking for in the encounter. If something happens that you don’t want to have happen, you just stop it. It’s only a problem if he’s insisting on it at which point, you call it off.

    How is that not communicating? Listening and responding?

  17. Rrhain says

    @Zeta: “What’s going on in his life”?

    He’s 48 and he looks damned good for being nearly 50. What were you expecting him to look like?

  18. Rrhain says

    @UFFDA: Where did Savage say anything about anonymous encounters?

    What in anything the Savage actually said is not applicable to people in a relationship? No matter how you got to the point of having sex, there is going to be the first time you have sex and thus, gay people are more likely to engage in the “what are you into?” conversation.

    Savage never mentioned anonymous hook-ups. He simply referred to that time where you come to the decision to have sex.

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