1. pedro says

    Ummm….that one guy is trans…Secondly, this is why I plan to settle down and have kids…hanging out in gay bars past 40 is just pathetic. Coming from a large latino family, I definitely want what my parents and grandparents have. La familia es todo.

    However…I am not blaming past generations since they were not afforded the same opportunities my generation has.

  2. Steve says

    @Pedro – ageist comments like yours hurt the GLBT community. If people find a family at a neighborhood gay bar, why is that “pathetic”? Maybe it’s those folks’ primary connection to others.

    I’m glad this movie it out and I want to see it. As a survivor of the 1980s New York scene, now in my mid-50s, I never thought I’d be alive much less thriving at this point in my life. A thoughtful look at GLBT folks growing older will help.

  3. JonnyNYNY2FLFL says

    Many gay boys believe being young & cute is their permanent station in life. They are in for a rude surprise.

  4. Tom Cardellino says

    Yeah, indeed! What Steve said and then some. Surviving to my present age of 60 was never in my mind when I spent the early 1980’s awakening nightly to sweaty night terrors that had me wondering if I was still alive after weeks upon weeks of nightmares wherein I would find myself dying, no longer able to be the moral support of my many friends and acquaintances who were opportunistically diseased, horribly afflicted with pain the doctors did not know how to treat, visibly disfigured from Kaposi Sarcoma lesions, horrifically not just visibly present but also afflicting their inner organs that became so overtaxed that they began to shut down, much to the bewildered chagrin of the angelic doctors and nurses who did their very best to confront every new assault upon the bodies of the patients these glorious medical professionals began to think of as their own families. Me too.

    But now, disabled by PTSD brought on by having so many loved ones, social friends and business colleagues decimated by the HIV Epidemic, I find myself frequently battling against the bouts of recurring depression brought about by my anxiety disorder. I am impoverished in the middle of San Francisco and mere months away from having to face homelessness or prideful suicide. To whom does one turn when all other options seem to be beyond reach? Will the world really miss my individual contribution? The Earth will keep spinning for a few 1,000 years or so, but I am at the end of my “elder” rope and spend too much of my time in contemplation of “self-deliverance” from a world in which I can no longer afford to live with a trace of dignity.

  5. George F says

    My 2 favorite groups of people together : The elderly and the LGBT ! I can’t wait to check this out…

  6. Reality says

    @pedro – I’m only 25 years old, and I’m telling you to GROW UP. You’re not definitely not emotionally mature enough to have kids (yet).

  7. Bill says

    Dear Tom Cardellino, I am worried about you. I hope you can get some help, both financially and to lift your spirits. You said you are disabled. Have you applied for Social Security disability and/or SSI? Have you considered moving to somewhere more affordable? San Francisco is one of the most expensive cities in the world. Palm Springs is more affordable than San Francisco and has a wonderful senior gay community. For that matter, the world and nation have changed and you may find that a lot of places you wouldn’t have considered living when you were, say, 25 are today quite accepting of gays and offer a gay community. Sixty is not the end of life and you should be able to look forward to the rest of your time here on earth. Please reach out in real time (i.e. not just on the internet) to get the help you need and deserve. Those resources are all around you. Good luck!

  8. says

    Lafitte’s!!!! I have been there a few times and it is probably the most peculiar gay bar I have ever been to. Took a dip in the pool in the back last time I was there.

    So glad this is being made.

  9. andrew says

    @ArkARK: Do you call people “human filth” in face to face discussions when they express opinions with which you disagree? Or, does the fear of getting a black eye prevent you from being so rude?

  10. TJ says

    Tom C. – I so seldom check out this blog these days, and even less often post. But as someone who always appreciated your voice, may I please say, and pray that I’m heard: Seek help. Don’t give up. Reach out. Someone with so much to give must have someone who would miss you.

  11. TJ says

    Tom C. – I so seldom check out this blog these days, and even less often post. But as someone who always appreciated your voice, may I please say, and pray that I’m heard: Seek help. Don’t give up. Reach out. Someone with so much to give must have someone who would miss you.

  12. Louis says


    I was going to read a number of comments but was so disgusted by yours that I couldn’t get past it.

    WE (the gay men and lesbians over 55) are the ONLY reason you can make comments like that.

    YOU (simplistic twit under 40) have no idea what it was like being on the barricades in the 70s.

    Read a book or two on the subject (you know those things made of paper) and try to understand and be grateful for the gift we have given you.

  13. steve says

    speaking of stereotypes: “you never think about getting older when you’re younger.” I don’t think that’s an accurate statement, at least not for me. I’ve always been aware that my youth is something that will fade.

  14. Billy Crytical says

    Nice to see older gay people getting attention in what they face with age.

  15. pedro says

    Umm…to all the racists: please have at it. Just please know that my family was living in the state New Mexico when it was still part of old Mexico…long before any of your great-great-grandparents bought their steerage tickets to Ellis Island…just saying…

    My dad moved to MA for college, met my mom and the rest is history. I was born in Boston. But if the silly racist come back of “illegal” makes you feel good then go right ahead. I have the right to my opinion and you have the right to yours.

  16. pedro says

    Also…I did not mean anything negative against old people. My grandparents are old and my parents are both over forty. My mom has m.s. though she is doing fine. My point was that family life and children serves a purpose. It brings us joy and company in our later years. If my dad was still single and going to straight bars at his age…I would call him pathetic as well. It is not ageism…just a value judgement. You have the right to disagree.

  17. Jack M says

    Sorry Pedro, your use of the word pathetic is what works against your argument. I hope you live long enough to be over 55 one day. Then try to think of yourself as pathetic.

  18. ratbastard says

    Informative post on a subject few gays, or anyone for that matter, like talking about. I think most humans are very uncomfortable with issues surrounding getting older and old age, because they don’t want to confront their own mortality.

    Tom C,

    Get in touch with a social worker. They know who to contact and what’s available for people in your situation. At the very least,Tom, you should have no problem qualifying for federally subsidized elderly and disabled housing. There are waiting lists so apply as soon as possible. There are also government programs and private organizations that help people prevent themselves from being evicted and becoming homeless. Good luck to you, and stay in touch.r

  19. dorishin says

    ummmmm since when did 55 become the age of a senior citizen??? 55 really? then middle age just become 27/28? Seniors are usually considered over 65, retirement age or “seniors” discount age lol I’m not 55 but dang when I am I don’t want to be considered a senior citizen! btw that means Opera, Ellen, Bruce Willis, Prince, Bruce Springsteen and Kevin Bacon are all Seniors lol

  20. Gregoire says

    Someone print this thread out and send it to Pedro when he turns 50, if he survives til then.

  21. jamal49 says

    why are people so nasty here today? maybe we should try and think of a way to help Tom C? I mean, face it, boys. You started aging (and dying) the day you shot out of your mother’s womb. It’s inevitable. The question is: how will you prepare for it? “Before you know it” is an apt title. The years do rush by.

  22. Derrick from Philly says

    Oh, Pedro’s comment wasn’t that bad. I’m 55 and I don’t enjoy Gay bars anymore. Why should I spend my money there when I can buy my own bottle?

    But I should go to more events for older Gay people–they can be fun. We have Gay Bingo every Friday night here in Philly. Now, doesn’t that sound like mucho fun for all of you folks under age 40? Come on…G55!!

    Older Gay people do tend to have great wit and humor…atleast the ones I’ve known. Even that evil bytch David Hagatha Hearne can be funny at times–especially when she starts on the 2nd Ammendment shyt. A regular Granny Get Your Gun.

  23. Jeff says

    Tom C. We are praying for you. We love you. There is hope and you ARE going to see it for yourself. So SMILE you are loved the way you are right now. Help IS on the way!

  24. Beebs says

    It’s hard to age when you were known for your looks. Ask any movie actress… One day you’re the hot new face, the next it’s scarves and sunglasses.

  25. Derrick from Philly says

    Tom Cardellino:

    Being such a narcissistic fool I didn’t read your comment all the way through earlier today. I’m praying for you too, Tom. And as others have suggested please investigate social services–government & private.

    If you leave San Francisco–it is Gay San Francisco’s loss. You’re part of the history. But your life is more important.

  26. ArkArk says

    @andrew — you are an idiot and Pedro is human filth. Your friend Pedro considers gay men over 40 years of age who bar hop to be pathetic. Some mens’ families have abandoned them so what’s wrong with going to a bar to have a laugh or two with friends. Once again, you are an idiot.