Eastern Orthodox Church Leaders Claim Conchita Wurst Caused Floods In Balkan Peninsula

Balkan Floods

Conchita wurstOf the many superpowers that drag queens posess – razor wit, flawless reading abilities, livers of granite – controlling the weather is not one of them. Eastern European religious leaders, however, are unaware of this fact and are blaming Conchita Wurst winning Eurovision 2014 for the floods in the Balkan Penninsula. Said Patriarch Amfilohije of Montenegro,

God sent the rains as a reminder that people should not join the wild side[…]God is thus washing Serbia of its sins.

So not only does the Almighty watch Eurovision, but the victory of an Austrian drag queen sends Him into such a tantrum that he destroys the lives of some 150,000 people in a completely unrelated country to express His dissatisfaction. That makes sense.

Comments

  1. johnny says

    Wow, that is one POWERFUL drag queen.

    All hail the power of Conchita! She can destroy villages with her might!

  2. jamal49 says

    What? You mean The Lady Bunny DIDN’T cause Hurricane Sandy? Get outa here!

  3. I wont grow up says

    Yes, and she’s single handedly responsible for the drop in sales at Schick and Gillette too.

  4. Smartypants says

    If the controlling, obsessive god these conservative christians believe in were a boyfriend, Dan Savage would advise DTMFA and get a restraining order.

  5. Dan Antimony says

    Wouldn’t God have punished Austria or at least countries which gave Conchita 12 points?

  6. codyj says

    Vienna is often named a one of the safest,and cultural cities in Europe,and Belgrade (Serbia) is???? lol…

  7. says

    These folks basically keep saying “God will send natural disasters because of gay stuff, and drag stuff but really didn’t mind when more than 6 Million Jews were exterminated in the Holocaust, and when centuries of slavery were in brutal effect, and also racial segregation, all over the world. God didn’t mind that. God was totes cool with it. God just doesn’t like when european drag performers sing songs that make people happy.”

    or something.

  8. 604Brian says

    Do these people hear themselves when they are talking???!!
    A flood caused by a guy in a dress?? really??

  9. jed says

    hey amfilohije, didn’t you notice you’re a grown man wearing a dress and a beard too? maybe your god is angry with you.

  10. james street james says

    Maybe god wants Conchita to go on a singing tour to drought stricken areas and this is just his playful way of suggesting that without having to interfere directly in human affairs.

    That’s the most sense I can get out of this.

    Or maybe those who think they speak for god are mentally ill.

  11. Diamondillium says

    I wonder why it never occurs to the religious that maybe their ~god~ isn’t happy with their anti-gay crusade, their inhospitality, their mercilessness, their accusatory and adversarial approach, their lies, their cruelty and sadism, etc.

    It never seems to occur to them that maybe making gays suffer is what’s making ~god~ mad.

    They are blind, self-righteous monsters.

    Since the religious lie by default, their ‘contribution’ are worst than meaningless, they are harmful.

  12. simon says

    Can’t understand why he objected to it. Isn’t a Patriarch also a bearded man in a dress?