"I feel more loose and relaxed than ever," President Obama said of the fourth quarter of his presidency, "those Joe Biden shoulder massages, they're like magic."
The White House Correspondents Dinner offers the President an annual opportunity to poke fun at the media, his fellow politicians, and himself in a way that few other forums offer, so the jokes fly loose and fast, and this year was no exception. It doesn't hurt that Obama is exceptionally skilled at delivering them.
"I am determined to make the most of every moment I have life. After the midterm elections, my advisers asked me, 'Mr. President, do you have a bucket list?' And I said, 'well, I have something that rhymes with bucket list'…Take executive action on immigration? Buck-it. New climate regulations? Buck-it."
Watch the full speech, AFTER THE JUMP…
Obama also mused on the way he's aged after 6 years in office, Obamacare, Cuba policies, and the 2016 Republican field.
"And Donald Trump is here. Still. It's amazing how time flies. Soon the first presidential contest will take place, and I for one cannot wait to see who the Koch brothers pick. Marco Rubio, Rand Paul, Ted Cruz, Jeb Bush, Scott Walker. Who will finally get that red rose? And the winner gets a billion dollar war chest. the runner up gets to be the bachelor on the next season of The Bachelor. Seriously. A billion dollars from just two guys. Is it just me or does that feel a little excessive. It's almost insulting to the candidates. The Koch brothers think they need to spend a billion dollars to get folks to like one of these people."
He took aim at some of his conservative enemies, wielding barbs at Mike Huckabee, Michele Bachmann, Rick Santorum, and Dick Cheney:
"A few weeks ago Dick Cheney says he thinks I'm the worst President of his lifetime. Which is interesting, because I think Dick Cheney is the worst President of my lifetime."
He spoke about the economy and how Americans are living in times of "deep uncertainty", pivoting to a joke about Hillary Clinton:
"I have one friend. Just a few weeks ago, she was making millions of dollars a year. And she's now living out of a van in Iowa."
Obama also spoke about the Secret Service and recent security breaches at the White House, and then displayed the photo below. "They've finally figured out a foolproof way to keep people off my lawn."
While talking about his friendship, with Joe Biden, Obama made a joke about the recent news out of Indiana during the debate over the anti-gay Religious Freedom Restoration Act:
"He has been at my side for seven years. I LOVE that man. He's not just a great Vice President, he's a great friend. We've gotten so close that in some places in Indiana they won't serve us pizzas anymore."
There are many more jokes in his full remarks, AFTER THE JUMP…