Bill Maher ended Real Time on Friday night with a mock eulogy for Donald Trump, imagining what a speech at the president’s funeral might sound like.
In Maher’s introduction, he noted that the families of late high-profile lawmakers and Republicans like John McCain, Barbara Bush, Elijah Cummings, John Dingell, and John Lewis have all made special requests that Trump not come to their funerals.
Asked Maher: “What kind of spectacular prick do you have to be that everyone’s last request is ‘make sure that a**hole isn’t at my funeral?'”
Maher used that as a launching point for his eulogy.
“Some men look at the world and ask, ‘Why?'” Maher began. “Donald Trump looked at the world and asked, ‘What’s in it for me?’ His generosity knew only limits, and he never once failed to put himself before others.”
“He was a devoted father who every day tried to teach his children the wrong lessons of life,” Maher continued. “Be quick to anger, never never let go of a grudge. See the worst in people, and treat them all equally based strictly on how much money they make and what they look like. So many wanted to speak here today, but couldn’t break their non-disclosure agreements. And our hearts go out to Melania who RSVP’d ‘maybe.’ Donald always said he knew she was the one the moment he saw her and said those three little words: ‘add to cart.’”
“As for me personally, I guess what I’ll miss most about Don is his dull wit,” Maher added. “He was never laughing. And when he made you laugh, it was always unintentional. But as a walking parody of himself he was a challenge to satirize and made me a better comedian for it. He died as he lived: wearing makeup and lying in front of all of us. So fly free, whiny little bitch. Fly free.”