Bill Maher began his Real Time monologue by calling the election for Joe Biden.
“Biden won the election,” said Maher, launching a balloon drop. “The networks are still too chickenshit to call it, but plainly, he’s won this election. But elections in America, they’re a lot like losing your virginity when you’re a lesbian. Between the late ballots and the recounts and the lawsuits and the electoral college it’s hard to know when you’re actually finished.”
Added Maher: “Until all the ballots are counted, President Trump is telling everyone to stay calm, and classy, and respect the process. Of course he’s not. He’s throwing a tantrum like the two-ton whiny little bitch he is. He doesn’t like that for the first time he’s on the other end of an eviction notice.”
“Let’s be gracious in victory,” Maher continued. “I just want to say Mr. Trump,if you’re watching, as you do sometimes accidentally, you may have lost the election but there’s one thing that you will always have, and that’s the knowledge that your father never loved you and your mother had sex with an ape.”
Maher also warned viewers of what Trump might do in the weeks and months to come.
“I’ve been saying it for a long time, but I don’t think he’s going away. I don’t know what is going to happen. No matter what, we have a stalker. Whether he’s the president or not the president, he is the ex-husband who kills his family on Christmas Eve. Seriously. He’s OJ, he does not like seeing America driving around with Ron Goldman.”