11/09/2006
Real World's Danny Roberts and Military Boyfriend Split
Danny Roberts and Paul Dill's was a TV relationship half of which was obscured by a blurred oval meant to block identity. On The Real World, a show meant to reveal the inner workings of relationships, the concealed identity merely exposed the U.S. military's sad policy of discrimination against gays.
In the latest issue of The Advocate, Danny Roberts, the Real World: New Orleans cast member whose love affair with Army captain Paul Dill remained achingly private throughout the show's season, tells Jon Barrett the pair's seven-year relationship has ended.
When the Real World finished, Roberts moved to North Carolina to live with Dill, who would be in the military for another two years. Unfortunately, Roberts said that moving in with Dill in secrecy was the beginning of the relationship's 'undoing': "We could not live our lives. We could not be a normal couple. We lived in so much fear. We were forced to live underground."
Roberts said that by the time Dill got out of the military, too much damage to the relationship had already been done. Dill's identity was blurred during the show, but he later made an appearance on MTV in an interview with John Norris.
Thanks to Towleroad correspondent Alan L., we have the rare clip. Enjoy. And let's hope that with a new Congress perhaps we can move forward on getting this discriminatory policy changed.
Posted 10:02 AM EST by Andy Towle in Danny Roberts, Military, News, Television | Permalink
Like it?
Subscribe to FREE Towleroad daily headlines with our RSS feed!
RECENT STORIES:
Comments
You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.
I should care about this because?
Posted by: Matt | Nov 9, 2006 11:52:44 AM
Leland, please calm down!!
Posted by: Je | Nov 9, 2006 11:58:26 AM
Matt, hey - if you don't care about this then don't read it. I care. Maybe you never watched the show or heard of them, in which case I understand why you don't care. I care because I watched the show regularly and came to care about them, gays in the military is an important issue, Paul speaks on college campuses to educate the young, they're good looking (always helps ;>), and this is news to me. What I like about Towleroad is the blend of news, stories and features.
Posted by: Paul | Nov 9, 2006 12:14:03 PM
James
excellent point
This election showed 2/3 of the millenial generation voted dem
The coming generations are/ will be more liberal than the previous. To them, this is relevant.
Our rights are coming......it is slow.....but things are changing as evidenced by the margin that the anti-gay marriage bans won at = much smaller margins than previous years.
Each year more and more old farts pass away taking their anti-gay bias with them.
Posted by: jimmyboyo | Nov 9, 2006 12:19:55 PM
What's the second-to-last song on this clip? The mournful one that's mainly piano.
Posted by: Rob | Nov 9, 2006 12:46:41 PM
That's too bad. That was the best RW season. Seeing Danny on TV helped me come to terms with who I was and I realized I was going to be OK. I started coming out partly because of him and the way he was portrayed on the show. Best of luck to him and Paul.
Posted by: ray | Nov 9, 2006 12:53:19 PM
Paul,
I have actually met both of them. I did a Pride event with Danny and met Paul at a local pub afterward. I also watched the Real World. I found that Paul was a nice guy. I found Danny to be the exact opposite. Are they always like that? I don't know. I spent only several hours with them. I find it humorous that you "came to care" about someone who cheated on his boyfriend on national tv and didn't care about anyones rights but wanted his 15 minutes of fame.
Posted by: Matt | Nov 9, 2006 1:10:22 PM
I swear to fucking god, more and more Towleroad posts are starting to read like sequels to "The Scarlett Letter." Ooh, a guy in his early 20s just out of college and the closet cheated on his boyfriend after too many drinks during Mardi Gras. Oooh, ooooh. Lucky for him they stopped lynching people in New Orleans a few years before. Was it okay? No. Was it the end of the world (or their relationship)? No.
Matt met Danny at a Pride event yet says he didn't care anything about anyone's rights. Certainly a vast percentage of Pride attendees are there just to play or whatever, but that he also does speaking engagements about gay rights, until further evidence appears, I'll choose to give him the benefit of the doubt, even if you reply that he's only doing that for the money. As for the 15 minutes of fame cliche, who wouldn't? At least he's doing it in the name of something important versus 99% of the fame whores we're inundated with.
And, even though no one asked re other housemates that season, I think it's cool that he and Paul became friends with Kelley and attended her wedding to actor Scott Wolf. And I still think that hot, hot, hot gay-friendly Jamie and homo-hostile self-proclaimed stud David and Bible-pushing Matt are gayer than a window dresser at Christmas.
Posted by: James | Nov 9, 2006 1:44:33 PM
I'm not one to gossip, but....
Danny didn't just cheat on paul during mardi gras, he slept with half of new orleans during that season and is currently getting it on with half of atlanta.
but i'm not one to gossip....
Posted by: Booger Ugly | Nov 9, 2006 1:52:57 PM
Oh please, typical gay relationship. Never last more than a few years, and I love how they blame the "military" for it. Odds are they got bored with each other, one of them strayed and screwed around or both. Either way, I'm not surprised, men can't be monogamous but it makes me laugh when they pretend they can be.
Posted by: Anon | Nov 9, 2006 2:19:39 PM
Anonymous, you say typical gay relationships never last more than a few years. I don't know the exact statistics on that, but don't say never. I'm probably older than you, but I've been with my partner for almost 16 years (next March). Other couples we socialize with have been together between 2 and up to 27 years. We long-term gay couples ARE out here, but whether we're typical or not, who knows.
Posted by: Paul | Nov 9, 2006 2:41:37 PM
I recall squirming while watching the Real World with Danny with my roommates when I was closeted, hoping my admiration for him wouldn't out me somehow. He was one of the few gay faces on TV, and I recall secretly wishing I could have been as open as he was. They came across as a real good guys, and their romance was so, well, romantic to me. Heady stuff back in the day! Sad to hear they've broken up.
To those of you who wonder why anyone would care, understand that the visibility of couples like Danny and Paul do make a difference to gay youth and closeted young men. Some of the comments about them here are disappointing. They certainly had an impact on my life, and I can only wish them well.
Posted by: SGR | Nov 9, 2006 2:58:39 PM
Anon, sounds like all your BF have cheated on you, or vice versa. REAL men can be monogamous
Posted by: Huh? | Nov 9, 2006 3:42:45 PM
The average "long-term" couples that I've come across, and I've traveled all over, are either cheating or have an open relationship.
The countless times I've gone into building a new friendship with couples only to find out that they had "other" ideas for me is 9 in 10. Of course, we're talking about reasonably attractive men who go to "gay" vacation destinations and live in metropolitan cities.
I don't believe long-term relationships work without a serious case of co-dependency or financial incentive (ie. real estate, etc..).
Posted by: Bobby | Nov 9, 2006 3:54:31 PM
I would agree with Bobby. Any couple that I've come across (over 2 years in most cases) is either cheating or has an open relationship (while on vacation).
I think we (gay men) should move away from the idea of marriage and focus on domestic partnership. I think that's a much more honest and realistic interp. of what it will be. To think that marriage is going to change the way gay men interact with each other is simply absurd.
Posted by: Zack | Nov 9, 2006 4:00:23 PM
Then zack and Bobby you both need to stop hanging out with sluts.
Your logic is fallable.
You are saying that if the 1 to 30 people you hang with are sluts then the billion (10% of 6 billion world population= 1 billion gays on earth)are sluts
that is so laughably parochial, ghetto, small, etc
Posted by: jimmyboyo | Nov 9, 2006 4:20:46 PM
I am saying that I have crossed the world and met a very diverse group of gay men. In MOST of my findings, I have come to see that gay men are incapable of having a long-term monogamous relationship.
As for it being laughable, I'm guessing you live in a glass house yourself (or have simply passed the age of having the opportunity to sleep around so freely).
The average gay man in his 20-40's are incapable of monogamy. I call bullshit to anyone who says the majority can have a monogamous relationship!
Posted by: Zack | Nov 9, 2006 4:28:43 PM
I do think it's hard for gay men to be monogamous relationships, unless they live in the woods. ;>) Either that or they aren't sexual beings to begin with.
Posted by: Stoner | Nov 9, 2006 4:34:19 PM
Calling someone a slut is juvenile.
Enjoying sex doesn't make someone a slut. It makes them a sexual being. Something most people are afraid to admit to as they were brought up with a tortured outlook on sexual relations.
If your open, honest and enjoy the person you are with, have at it!!!
Posted by: Benny J. | Nov 9, 2006 4:39:01 PM
I am not against being a slut
I have been a slut back between 16-23...and by that i mean SLUT!!! 2 porn movies, 2 amature strip contest wins, and a lot of slutting around
But now in my mid to late 20's I prefer to date monogamously (is that even a word)
Where my monogamous relationships perfect? No...no relationship is, but they were monogamous and ended
1) he was a republican and I couldn't keep up the dem repub caucasing and remain sane
2) he was too much a self absorbed person
No cheating what so ever in those relationships...and not to toot my own horn..I was the one to break them off...people don't cheat on me....LOL
I am all for being a slut if you want to be a slut...but keep the sluttyness out of relationships...you want a relationship then have a relationship...if you want to slut around then more power to you...the 2 do not mix
zeke...Like I said...since 10% of the population is gay and there are 6 Billion people on the planet...for anyone to make such generalized claims about the 1 billion....that is 1,000,000,000 gay people is very small, a ghetto mentality, parochial, and ignorant (making logic jumps based on such a small perspective)
You want to meet guys who don't sleep around then stop picking up your boyfriends from bath houses, street corners, and bars....
Posted by: jimmyboyo | Nov 9, 2006 5:40:08 PM
I meant zAck
Posted by: jimmyboyo | Nov 9, 2006 5:56:28 PM
Gosh, all of these loaded words like "slut" and "cheat" and.... Take a step back everyone. This old queen who's had to rotate his odometer more times than he can remember, and has a LV steamer truck covered with the stickers of international destinations long since gone, submits this: in terms of sexual exclusivity [versus romantic attachment] the challenge isn't GAY men, it is MEN period.
While some gay men like some straight men are entirely capable of, even exclusively desirous of, being perfectly content with a single sex partner, I believe more have a biological imperative for several. I have met few straight married men who did not wander at least once in their marriage, despite society's emphasis on "fidelity" and myriad support systems for straight couples. And with research showing how often in a day men [I'm assuming but don't know that all were nongay] think about sex, versus women, I'm convinced that straight men would have as much sex as gay men if they could. Problemo Uno: the ones they want [women] typically are not as
That some gay male couples, even when one or both parties would like to trick with others, manage not is a miracle given that, again, while the world emphasizes straight RELATIONSHIPS, the gay world emphasize dick, Dick, and more dick.
I build no value system around sexual monogamy or, as it were, polygamy. I only encourage people to be honest with each other going into a relationship and not make promises they anticipate they can't keep [and, in turn, when one or both "stray" to react in terms of where their hearts not where their dicks have been].
As reflected in the cluck clucking above about "cheating," I believe we have for far too long blindly taken on the definitions and values which evolved from hetero pairing; which, in many ways, came about, even for them, with the hope of ensuring "domestic tranquility" more than "domestic bliss." Consider that many of the Ten Commandments can be viewed in terms of not doing such and such simply because of the individual and social repercussions. In other words, maybe coveting your neighbor's ass is less bad in and of itself than the results of your acting upon it.
Ancient prohibitions against homosex can be seen in terms of simply not resulting in a child, another addition to the tribe to help it survive. Why else, too, the prohibition against masturbation [Onanism], even if it did not grow mistakenly out of what was actually Onan's coitus interruptus?
Before I put everyone to sleep, suffice it to say that I believe it is how we treat each other, how we love, not how many we fuck, and what the romantic relationships, open or closed, that occur are called is important only in terms of "equality in all things," but important, none the less.
Posted by: Leland | Nov 9, 2006 6:28:38 PM
Jimmy-
You couldn't possibly know who I am to make such a statement about where I meet boyfriends and others. If you did, you'd find that I'm as clean-cut and value-oriented as anyone else that enjoys this site.
However, having reached my mid-30's and experiences enough of gay life and relationships to write my own book, I am telling you as it is (for the majority of gay men).
My guess is your hope for what you want is getting in the way of the hard cold facts. That, and the bright eyed optimism that only a young man in his 20's can still enjoy. It's not impossible, just highly improbable.
My guess is that most men enter into relationships with best intentions. Unfortunately, time, routine and general boredom (and outside stimulation) takes it toll on the "average" gay man in a long-term relationship.
I wish you luck in finding what you are looking for. In fact, I wish all of us luck in finding what we're looking for.
Oh, and before you say so, I'm not a "bitter" old queen. I'm actually a vibrant gay man who enjoys positive relationships with all those who come into my life. I'm just a bit older and wiser than you.
Take my statements as you will.
Posted by: Zack | Nov 9, 2006 6:30:39 PM
Leland-
I am a fan of your view and how you have stated it.
Thank you.
Posted by: Zack | Nov 9, 2006 6:32:43 PM
Rob,
The second-to-last song might be This Years Love by David Gray. It got to me, too.
Posted by: TrueEnough | Nov 9, 2006 6:55:56 PM