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FOX News: Jesus Died on Cross So Kathy Griffin Could Win Emmy

Via Michelangelo Signorile's The Gist comes this completely serious report from FOX News' Religion Correspondent Lauren Green.

If you'll remember, upon accepting her Emmy, Griffin said: ""A lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus...Suck it, Jesus. This award is my God now." The TV Academy and E! then announced they would not air Griffin's comments.

Green is angry at Kathy Griffin for telling Jesus to "suck it" and wants Griffin to know that Jesus' death is directly related to winning that Emmy.

GriffinReports Green: "Now I could have been mildly insulted at that and turned the other cheek, as the founder of Christianity taught. But then she went on to say 'Suck it, Jesus. This award is my God now.' Needless to say, she offended me and millions of other Christians. I don't know what went through her mind and why she would think that was cutting edge or even funny. But first, I want to actually show you that, in fact, Kathy Griffin is wrong. Jesus had everything to do with her winning that award. And here's the reasoning. Jesus died on a cross 2,000 years ago. His dying words were, 'Forgive them Father for they know not what they do.' He died and they buried him in a rock cut tomb. Three days later, as the Bible says, he rose from the dead. That day is what Christians celebrate as Easter...

...After the resurrection, Christianity began to take off like wildfire, spreading from the Middle East northward to Europe and westward into Ethiopia. In 300 A.D. Emperor Constantine accepted Christianity and it beccame the religion of Europe. Rome soon became the seat of the faith. After several years of human failings, the church went through conflicts and quite a few unbiblical years — the crusades and the inquisition to name just two. Out of that came the Reformation — the reforming of the Church, sort of a back-to-basics Bible and the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Out of the Reformation emerged a vision of law by Samuel Rutherford, called Lex is Rex, Law is King. From that, others devised a secular version that is used to help lay the foundation of government for a new land called America. Ninety-four percent of America's founding era documents mention the Bible; 34 percent quote the Bible directly. The idea of bringing unity to the universal is a particularly Biblical concept....

...The freedoms we enjoy in this country to speak freely and to live freely are directly related to that man who died on a cross 2,000 years ago."

So there Kathy Griffin!

Aside from the astonishing fact that this is being reported from an allegedly mainstream news outlet, isn't Green simply arguing that Jesus gave Griffin the right to tell him to suck it?

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  1. MT: the theory of salvation comes from St. Paul, whereby the fall of Adam and Eve barred the way to heaven (original sin) but that Christ, by sacrificing himself on the cross (think of animal sacrifices as being more common versions of this), released the virtuous pagans from Hell and opened the doors to heaven through the forgiveness of the Father: "Father, Forgive Them, for they do not know what they do!". Any practicing or former Christian should know this stuff back-and-forth.

    Posted by: anon ( | Sep 14, 2007 1:59:41 PM

  2. @ MT

    Jesus, the lamb of God, was offered up to God the Father as a sacrifice for the expiation of sin, that is to say a blood sacrifice to placate the hyper-pissy God of the Old Testament, YHVH. And no, that doesn't mean you can go sin some more, but if you believe that Jesus was/is God and confess your sins to him, you are given a clean slate by his sacrifice. At least that's what I've been able to gleen from my limited exposure to Xtianity.

    Posted by: MBSF | Sep 14, 2007 2:02:09 PM

  3. So tired of people and their make-believe bullshit.

    Posted by: homer | Sep 14, 2007 2:03:00 PM

  4. So tired of people and their make-believe bullshit.

    Posted by: homer | Sep 14, 2007 2:03:08 PM

  5. I try very hard not to prejudge a person when I find out that they are christian (or otherwise religious), but, damn, it gets harder and harder everyday! Some of my friends used to wonder why I was so anti-christian, but after 7 years of the current administration and its friends, they no longer wonder.

    On a related note, I wonder if I can just cancel FOX news from my cable. Or at least block the channel so when flipping I don't even have to see it, even for a second.

    Posted by: Will | Sep 14, 2007 2:06:03 PM

  6. It's interesting, because I went home for Easter this year and sat through a sermon in which our minister explained why the resurrection was symbolic and did not physically happen.

    Then again, it was the United Church of Christ, who I think have been mentioned several times on this blog.

    Posted by: Henry | Sep 14, 2007 2:08:51 PM

  7. Wasnt Jesus technically murdered though? Its not like he sacrificed himself by offering himself up and throwing himself into a volcano. People grabbed him and strung him to a cross and stabbed him, and they certainly didnt see it as a sacrifice when they were doing it. So, after he already got nabbed and was hanging on the cross, he figured he might as well make some good out of it so he decided he was being sacrificed? I find it all very confusing.

    Posted by: Chris in Seattle | Sep 14, 2007 2:10:59 PM

  8. Will, I turned the parental lock on for Fux News so that everytime I flip through channels it's just a blank screen.

    PS. I also did this on all the TV's in my building's private gym, much to the chargrin of the wingnut who loves to come down and watch Bill O'Reilly while running. It was priceless seeing his face when he found parental locks on Fox.

    Posted by: Tread | Sep 14, 2007 2:12:09 PM

  9. anon (,

    i think MT was looking for a logical explanation. we all (i hope) know the scapegoated jesus myth.

    weren't you the one who has hyping a nuanced approach on a different thread?

    Posted by: nic | Sep 14, 2007 2:15:09 PM

  10. Heh, you are forgetting..

    Jesus was 33.
    And hung out with 12 other guys.
    Traveling around the area.

    I'm just saying.. was there a white party in Jerusalem or was that in Galilee??

    oh, and Mary Mag? big hag there.. ;)

    Posted by: Darren | Sep 14, 2007 2:19:00 PM

  11. Kathy Griffin is God!

    Posted by: the queen | Sep 14, 2007 2:20:45 PM

  12. sorry, that should be "was" instead of "has".

    Posted by: nic | Sep 14, 2007 2:22:15 PM

  13. Suck it, Fox News, the Internet is my God now.

    Posted by: Elaine Vigneault | Sep 14, 2007 2:30:59 PM

  14. Chris—Christians believe that Jesus was God and was able to perform great miracles, so if he was able to rise from the dead he surely could have avoided being executed.

    Posted by: DCN | Sep 14, 2007 2:31:17 PM

  15. jesus fulfilled several prophesies written down by prophets before his earthly of them being sacrificed on a tree with none of his bones being broken (similar to the sacrifice of lambs during Passover)...lambs had to be perfect in order to be acceptable for sacrifice...likewise, jesus was 'perfect':he was without sin...he was the perfect Passover sacrifice for the Jews and pagans of that time, and forever...he was crucified on a tree by Roman law, not Jewish...if the Sadducees and Pharisees had had their way, he would have been stoned or strangled.

    Posted by: CLIFF | Sep 14, 2007 2:34:42 PM

  16. for people who always use jesus name, suck it!

    Posted by: Clement | Sep 14, 2007 2:45:42 PM

  17. What this stupid bitch doesn't seem to understand is that Kathy Griffin is allowed to say whatever she wants, whenever she wants, to whomever she wants, in whatever context she wants. This is America... at least it was this morning (I haven't checked the news yet since lunch)... and in this country people do not have to abide by the rules of a religion that they may or may not believe in.

    If Ms. Green wants to live in a theocracy, then perhaps she'd like to live in the middle east, or at the Vatican. Oh wait... no... she's a woman... she'd never be allowed to express her opinions so brazenly...

    Posted by: Brian | Sep 14, 2007 2:45:54 PM

  18. cliff,

    i take it you also believe in the keebler elves? their cookies are miraculous, heavenly even.

    Posted by: nic | Sep 14, 2007 2:51:09 PM

  19. I'm amazed this is even news. I left the USA in 2003 because I thought the whole setup sucked then and it obviously has only gotten worse. What do they make you poor people watch???

    Posted by: Leducdor | Sep 14, 2007 3:05:54 PM

  20. All this religious talk is such a turn-off. It almost makes me want to jump on the Satanist bandwagon, though there's nothing to that either...(but being agnostic is so boring) and I look far too innocent to be a Satanist, but it's very good shock value to look like a choirboy and act in ways that would make Marilyn Manson proud.

    It's hilarious what Kathy said. Isn't it called "show business" for a reason? Ratings? Exposure? To get people talking? Isn't that exactly what she did? It's always so much fun to push people's buttons. Madonna's been doing it for years.

    Posted by: Jordan | Sep 14, 2007 3:11:43 PM

  21. Yup, you're right.

    And how sad that's a supposed reporter who wrote that.

    Posted by: Batocchio | Sep 14, 2007 3:16:24 PM

  22. nic, yeah...they're not too bad...i prefer the chocolate chip 'bout you?

    Posted by: CLIFF | Sep 14, 2007 3:21:09 PM

  23. Thanks, Anon. That was actually exactly what I was looking for. I don't remember that ever being explained to me. So much for twelve years of catholic school. LOL.

    Posted by: MT | Sep 14, 2007 3:22:52 PM

  24. You're welcome MT! Nic: I was restating a theory of Christian theology, not offering a personal opinion.

    Posted by: anon ( | Sep 14, 2007 3:31:04 PM

  25. CLIFF,

    i prefer oatmeal-raisin.

    Sorry, ANON(GMAIL.COM),

    i knew YOUR intent. i misinterpreted MT's. i didn't think he wanted a biblical (scriptural) explanation. so much for nuance. my bad.

    Posted by: nic | Sep 14, 2007 3:48:27 PM

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