Alexander McQueen Felt He Had ‘Nothing to Live For’, Court Hears

An inquest has revealed sad details about the final months and hours of Alexander McQueen's life:

Mcqueen "His inquest at Westminster coroner’s court on Wednesday heard he had twice tried to commit suicide last year, in a 'cry for help', that were brought about by a history of depression, anxiety attacks, insomnia and 'substance misuse'. His success in fashion had left him increasingly pressured as he felt his work was the only area of his life where he achieved, the court heard.
The designer, born Lee Alexander McQueen, led a lonely private life after abandoning his friends who he felt were taking advantage of his celebrity. He also shunned the glitzy fashion world
The court heard McQueen, the son of an east London cab driver, had started his career on Saville Row before 'climbing to the pinnacle of his profession'.
He died the day before his mother’s funeral in February after her death left him with 'with nothing to live for', the inquest heard.
He hanged himself with his 'favourite brown belt' after taking a cocktail of cocaine, sleeping pills and tranquillisers."

And a final note: "Scrawled on the back of a book called The Descent of Man by London artist, Wolfe von Lenkiewicz, he wrote: 'Look after my dogs. Sorry, I love you, Lee. P.S. Bury me at the church.'"


  1. Eugene says

    “Alexander McQueen felt he had ‘nothing to live for'”

    If that’s the case, he did the right thing. Hopefully, I’ll summon the courage to do the same. When you have nothing to live for, there’s no point in perpetuating your misery.

  2. Joel says

    Whoh, Eugene, I know the pain you’re feeling may feel too much to overcome, but I gurantee you suicide will not solve those problems. Please take heart as someone who’s been there, you are far too precious to do something like this. If you’d like to talk, my number is: 925-399-2640. Consider asking someone close to you for help, a friend, a coworker, a hotline: 1-800-273-HELP. Don’t suffer in silence, you will get through this, I promise you.

  3. crispy says

    Well, clearly he had something to live for… his dogs. Everyone has something to live for, Eugene. Including you. Find out what it is.

  4. Eugene says


    I can only thank you for your kind words. Precious or not, I don’t really want to die. And if I needed help, I would have asked my parents, who are the nicest people on Earth. But I see no point in going on. As a gay man, I will be an outcast, and I’m not tough enough to deal with it.

  5. Mark says

    Eugene–you do have a lot to live for. I think you are letting your internalized homophobia get the best of you.

    If you can learn to see yourself through you own eyes–instead of through the lens of the judgements and abuse of the exterior world–you will see yourself through different eyes. Two books that helped me a great deal as a gay man were “The Velvet Rage” and “Gay Warrior–Transforming Betrayal Into Wisdom”. When we understand what a heterosexist and homophobic society has done to us as gay people–and stop trying to find real validation in superficial bullshit like being hot, rich, fabulous, or the most fashionable—we can start to get a different sense of self that builds real healing, self-esteem, power, and a life of meaning.

    I know what you are dealing with and how you feel. I also know what it is like to a victim of suicide–my father took his own life in 2005. It is immensely devastating to love ones. Feel free to email me at if you need to talk.

  6. TANK says

    WOE IS ME, blah blah blah. That’s right, eugene, you’re a pussy. There’s plenty to live for, like spite.

  7. says

    Justin (QAF) gave a great answer to Brian Kinney’s question on why would gay people want to get married:
    “To piss off straight people.”

    That’s a good enough reason not to take any shit from the straight world; we are not outcasts, gay people have made the greatest contributions to history and culture and society.
    Eugene, you just need some friends who respect you, that’s all.

  8. anon says

    AMcQ was probably mentally ill. Creative people are always skirting the edge. The best answer to “Why?” is “Why not?”. You don’t need a reason to live.

  9. BobN says

    Unless you have great friends and family, leaving a note asking someone to take care of your dogs is just like sending them to the pound.

    I’m not advocating suicide, but if you’re choosing that route or facing death for some other reason, make appropriate plans for your pets. The chances of “someone” stepping up are low, really low.

  10. Eugene says


    Check your e-mail.


    Yes, I’m a pussy. It doesn’t sound like a reason to live, does it? :-)


    Yes, I need friends. I got out of touch with all my friends when I was a depressed closet case. But now I just don’t care anymore.

  11. Joel says

    @Eugene, Mark is completely correct. Take a moment to look at yourself, and not how you think other people may judge you. You are exactly what you were meant to be. There is real happiness and possiblities for you out there, if only you can move out of your own way to enjoy them.

  12. Rowan says

    @ Eugene

    Ignore TANK. He’s bad for your health.

    Don’t let them win…

    @ Anon

    Very true about trulky gifted creative people…there’s that fine line…

    Thing is McQueen was in the worse industry of all. He was best mates with K Moss for chrissakes, how much of a party head with superficial asshats do you need?

    @ Bobn

    How many times can we tell people that when you are in the depth of depression, you are NOT even thinking clearly or of any hope?

  13. Eugene says


    “Take a moment to look at yourself, and not how you think other people may judge you.”

    You see, it only makes things worse. I know that I am what I was meant to be. But that’s exactly why I have a problem with the way the society treats gay people. I know I don’t deserve this. And, no, there are no “real happiness and possibilities” for me – I only have the choice between staying in the closet and putting up with bigotry.


    “Ignore TANK. He’s bad for your health.”

    Considering that Tank dislikes religion as much as I do, he’s _good_ for my health. :-)

  14. DF says

    @Joel – excellent advice, but the hotline number is 1-800-273-TALK (not “HELP”)

    @Eugene – I volunteer for the hotline, call us if you need someone to talk to when things get rough.

  15. Eugene says


    “I volunteer for the hotline, call us if you need someone to talk to when things get rough.”

    Uhm… I don’t live in the US, and I don’t really think I need someone to talk to. But I’m glad that you’re doing this. It can make a difference for some guys.

  16. JD says

    Eugene, listen to me: That voice in your head telling you that you’re shit, that you’d be better off dead…it’s lying. I have my own ongoing fistfight with depression, and it takes a lot of cognitive punching and kicking before you’re able to stand over your inner opponent and declare victory. As long as you’re not being mean others, do WHATEVER IT TAKES to make yourself happy. If that means quitting your job, leaving the country, or throwing yourself into charity, do it. And don’t look back.

  17. Harry says

    TANK- Fuck you!! Why don’t you do the world a favor and run over yourself!
    ANON- Don’t know what planet you come from but here on earth, most humans need something to live for(etc. being a mother or father, work, family, love.) Just ask the average person what makes them get out of bed in the am. Eugene, while I don’t know your situation, people can and have done amazing things in the face of struggle. Maybe you can be one of those people. If you know nothing, know that there are many people out there who you don’t know nor do they know you but they care dispite this. It is possible. I am one of those people. You are not alone. Good Luck.

  18. Toro Castano says

    My partner, a very successful and talented fine artist/painter, expressed these exact same feelings before taking his life. I’ve come to understand these are common sentiments among suicidal people. I miss him and Lee.

  19. JEFF says

    Eugene, your life does mean something, think how much your parents love you, nothing is worth taking your own life for. Joel, you’re a good and dear person, thank you for caring. We all have bad days and think about these things, but you have to hope things get better. Once your gone, think of all the things you’ll miss in life. Eugene, hang in there, we care.

  20. jamal49 says

    @Eugene Remember that suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems. I don’t know how old you are or where you are in your life, but consider that perfect strangers here care about you! I also don’t know what sorrows you may be burdened with, but I hope you will give yourself a chance one day at at time. Life DOES suck sometimes but most times it is beautiful! Hang in there, son. I and many others here are pulling for you.

    @Tank STFU!

  21. Eugene says


    “Remember that suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems.”

    LOL. If you think that stupid cliches can make me want to live, you’re wrong. Many “temporary problems” aren’t temporary _enough_. Yes, in 50 years homophobia will be a non-issue. But I’ll be dead by then, anyway.