Former Australian Olympic Swimmer Daniel Kowalski: I'm Gay
Daniel Kowalski, a four-time Olympic medalist in swimming for Australia, came out of the closet today in a column in Australian paper The Age:
"Despite the dark, fearful and lonely times, being able to write this fills me with a sense of freedom, pride and relief. There truly is a genuine sense that everything will be OK. I wrestled for a long, long time wondering whether being gay made me a bad person, but I can no longer fight who I am and that, simply put, is just me."
Kowalski said it has been difficult:
"Being a gay man with a foot half in and out of the closet is tough; the games it plays with your mind - and more importantly, your heart - are hard to put into words but I am going to try my best. I finally accepted my sexuality at the end of 2006 following a huge anxiety attack at work. After what were literally years of torment, denial and very, very dark times, I couldn't live a lie to myself any more. You often read that when people came out they had felt depressed or had suicidal tendencies. I, like them, experienced all of the extremes, but mostly it was the loneliness that was the hardest part of being gay - and still is. The number of times I have sat on the couch or lain in bed bawling my eyes out, scared and fearful of the future, are too many to mention."
Kowalski laments the homophobia in professional sports:
"I often think that if I had had people to look up to, to read about, who were elite athletes and were easily accessible - people who had lived some of my experiences as an athlete - then it would have helped the situation. It would have made it easier. But having lived it, I do understand why so few elite athletes have come out. In Australia, there have been Ian Roberts and more recently Matthew Mitcham...I recently read in The Sunday Age (''Stars of the AFL come out for gays'', 11/4) that the AFL, perceived as one of the last bastions of masculinity and homophobia, through its players association was taking a stance to stamp out homophobia by featuring some of its players in a series of campaigns. This is a huge step and as a gay man something I am extremely appreciative of because at the end of the day this support, and in turn education, is what is needed."
Sounds like Kowalski needs some support. Now that he's living his truth, there's a much better chance he'll get it, and I hope he does.
just once, I would love to hear about an openly gay public figure who didn't have to suffer 8 nervous breakdowns to come to this conclusion. I realize it's difficult for a lot of people, but I'd love to hear about an actually happy gay person who doesn't constantly struggle with homophobic self-loathing. They do exist.
Posted by: danny | Apr 17, 2010 7:17:22 PM
He didn't know about Mark Tewksbury, Olympic medalist swimmer out since 1998?
Posted by: Kevinvt | Apr 17, 2010 7:31:28 PM
I feel the opposite. I'm glad I'm reading about this guy who's come out and is just hopeful. It's not a party. It's not like "life is wonderful and I'm the happiest freest man ever". And I can totally relate to that, having come out years ago and still struggling with stuff on a daily basis.
Posted by: topher | Apr 17, 2010 7:41:24 PM
Of course, I'd forgotten how *easy* it is to put your life and career at risk by coming out in a generally homophobic industry like sport. Oh wait...
Posted by: Graham Anderson | Apr 17, 2010 7:44:16 PM
Andy, thanks for covering this, but that picture is of Kierin Perkins.
http://www.smh.com.au/sport/swimming/out-and-proud-olympian-kowalski-breaks-silence-20100417-slo3.html
Posted by: Lou | Apr 17, 2010 7:51:09 PM
Hopefully the rise of gay athletes will help open closed minded people hearts.
Posted by: Dawnell_do | Apr 17, 2010 8:13:08 PM
It's great when anyone comes out, but it gets a little tiresome when these "past" celebrities come out now that it's "safe."
Posted by: Joseph Singer | Apr 17, 2010 8:54:36 PM
Congratulations Daniel, it never easy.
Posted by: Stephen | Apr 17, 2010 9:57:51 PM
On ya Daniel - better to be out than in hiding. Good luck with the future, you have always come across as a nice professional person so I don't think being out to the public will hurt your career too much.
To all the bitter old queens on this site - you know who you are - give these people a break will ya.
Sure it would be easier if no on had to come out, but reality is reality and NO IT wont get better if more high profile people come out at the beginning of their career.
Each person has to make their own decision in their own time. These people have more to think about than just being out - I don't necessarily condone their actions it is just that I can understand them.
I'm not in, but I don't go round screaming out who / what I am - it is no ones business but my own - all my family, friends and work colleagues know who / what I am, that is enough.
Being gay is just one part of me, I have no issue with being gay, and cannot image being anything but gay. But at the same time I don't tell everybody I meet that I am gay at the first meeting - just like them I like to get to know a person before I open up. Thirty years ago when I first hit the scene (at all of sixteen) I don't remember one high profile person who was out - didn't make no difference to me then nor does it now.
For some people the flower blooms later than for others.
Posted by: Lez | Apr 17, 2010 10:05:17 PM
Congratulations and thank you!
Posted by: JeffRob | Apr 17, 2010 10:06:27 PM
N.B. As Lou said, that photo is of Kieran Perkins — Daniel is the one with his back to the camera.
Posted by: Benjamin | Apr 17, 2010 11:07:52 PM
As an Australian (who admittedly lives in the US now) I find this article and his opinions polarizing.
It's great that he finally came out, but god damn it he makes it sound like being gay is like admitting you're a manic depressive. What's so freaking fearful about being gay, and the future? We have open committed relationships, create our own families and make huge contributions to all corners of culture. For a lot of folks being open and out makes the future so bright it burns.
I doubt this is going to make it easier for young kids in Australia to want to come out. While that might not be his intent as he tells his story, you can bet that those who wish to 'persuade' people away from accepting who they are will pounce all over this.
Lighten up dude. Life is good when you live your truth. I promise.
Posted by: James | Apr 17, 2010 11:47:49 PM
People like Daniel do the human race proud.
What he and others before him have done is make it easier for a whole new generation to feel comfortable with themselves,little own with others (not that it should matter).
A positive step in this crazy world we live in.
Posted by: john | Apr 17, 2010 11:51:13 PM
So, what's new w Ian Thorpe????
Posted by: Jimmy Byars | Apr 18, 2010 1:00:07 AM
@ Danny and @ James:
I'm kind of with you on this. My heart certainly goes out to this man, and it seems like he's really struggling. But my story is very different from his. I also came out very late in life (my 30s) but coming out was a wonderful experience for me and I celebrate that I am gay. I am so happy that God made me this way. I love my life, my partner, my family and my friends. I wish all of that for Kowalski.
Posted by: patrick | Apr 18, 2010 1:03:28 AM
"It's great when anyone comes out, but it gets a little tiresome when these "past" celebrities come out now that it's "safe." "
Well Joseph Singer, if you read the article it reads to me that he didn't fully realise he was gay until the end of 2006, when he'd been retired for a number of years.
There are a lot of gay swimmers in the Australian team, so hurrah for a step in the right direction.
Posted by: Clifw | Apr 18, 2010 2:00:06 AM
yawn. I long for the day when this can't be used to make a person relevant again, however briefly. I really don't care about sexuality. If you can't prove your worth in argument, you're nothing to me.
Posted by: TANK | Apr 18, 2010 2:45:01 AM
You really should change the picture Andy.
Posted by: john | Apr 18, 2010 4:43:07 AM
So Tank, if you don't care about sexuality, why do you spend so much time on this site? And when do you expect to engage in a debate with an Australian swimmer---about anything?
It's odd to me that you make swipes at others for being old or bitchy, because you come across as the saddest, most jaded person in the world.
Posted by: Paul R | Apr 18, 2010 5:48:31 AM
What about Greg Louganis? How could he not hear about him?
Posted by: NYpsyguy | Apr 18, 2010 7:33:29 AM
Great article, but was surprised how little was covered about other out athletes. It's more than just two other aussies.
I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but seeing an article like this makes me wonder why Ian Thorpe won't drop the act and finally admit he is gay or bi. Athletes who still remain closeted need to understand they can help young people around the world, who desperately need role models. Their silence does damage beyond what their eyes can see.
I know its a morally murky area between personal privacy and cowardace, but I think its a dabate the gay community should start having. Call it "The Great Outing", but if we all stood up to be counted at once, then we could end a lot of the silliness going on very quickly. Future generations and lives could be saved if we could put a stop to the term "coming out" once and for all.
Posted by: Will | Apr 18, 2010 8:10:10 AM
Im sorry--I feel terrible that this guy suffered the way he did, but it was in a prison of his own making.
He's 35 years-old and lives in a major metropolis. His Olympic days were over a decade ago. I cant imagine his liife as an athletic-career advisor would be over if he came out.
I understand everyone comes out at their own pace, blah blah blah, but he makes it sound so tortuous. I worry that young gays would look at him and think that's how its going to be for them. As i say to any public figure who comes out years after they couldve made an impact, welcome to the club but you don't get parade.
Posted by: dizzy spins | Apr 18, 2010 10:35:53 AM
"I understand everyone comes out at their own pace, blah blah blah, but he makes it sound so tortuous."
That's because for him, it was. You've never heard of the rampant homophobia in professional sports?
"I worry that young gays would look at him and think that's how its going to be for them."
For some of them, it will be. What, we're supposed to pretend that the coming out process is nothing but a big fabulous party? For the kids? What possible purpose does that serve?
Posted by: Musicboy | Apr 18, 2010 10:52:45 AM
@dizzy spins
"Im sorry--I feel terrible that this guy suffered the way he did, but it was in a prison of his own making."
It doesn't matter.
No one would willingly make this prison for himself. When you're as depressed as he was, coming-out can seem more scary than it actually is -- and I'm speaking from a personal experience. The closet becomes your second skin. Only a major breakdown (or, perhaps, an intervention) can finally make you come out.
Posted by: Eugene | Apr 18, 2010 11:38:41 AM
I only came to this thread because I wondered how many comments would have have the name "Ian Thorpe" in them.
My bet was six. I see two. Well, three now.
Posted by: Chitown Kev | Apr 18, 2010 2:48:42 PM