CEO Shot to Death by Cop at ‘Gay’ Cruising Spot in Newark

DeFarra Gaymon, the successful CEO of Credit Union of Atlanta, was shot and killed by a police officer in Newark, New Jersey last week after allegedly propositioning the officer at a cruising area to which he had made a detour on the way to his 30th high school reunion.

Gaymon Details regarding Gaymon's death, mostly from the one-sided perspective of the officer who shot him, are emerging:

On Tuesday, the acting Essex County prosecutor gave the first detailed, public description of what happened in the wooded park that night, saying that the officer, who had tried to arrest Mr. Gaymon, 48, over lewd behavior, fired in self-defense. The prosecutor, Robert D. Laurino, said that Mr. Gaymon assaulted the officer, a 29-year-old member of the Essex County Sheriff’s Department, tried to flee and then, when cornered, attempted to disarm the officer.

The incident, despite whatever your personal opinions are about consensual sex in public places (between men, most of whom do not identify as gay), begs the question of why police budget and resources are being spent to send armed officers to deal with this type of behavior.

Around 6 p.m., after chasing down a man and arresting him, the officer realized he had lost his handcuffs in the pursuit and went back into the woods, alone, to retrieve them, the prosecutor said.

“The plainclothes officer was bending down to retrieve his handcuffs,” Mr. Laurino said, “when he was approached by Mr. Gaymon, who was engaged in a sexual act at the time.” Words were exchanged that the prosecutor said “would lead one to believe that” Mr. Gaymon was propositioning the officer.

“The officer pulled out his badge, identified himself as a police officer and informed Mr. Gaymon that he was under arrest,” Mr. Laurino said. Then, he said, Mr. Gaymon shoved the officer to the ground and ran, ignored the officer’s demands to stop, and repeatedly threatened to kill the officer if he approached. The officer cornered Mr. Gaymon beside a pond and tried to handcuff him, Mr. Laurino said, but again Mr. Gaymon resisted.

“Mr. Gaymon reached into his pocket and lunged at the officer in an attempt to disarm the officer,” Mr. Laurino said. The officer, “fearing for his life,” the prosecutor said, shot Mr. Gaymon once, and he died at the hospital three hours later.

Mr. Laurino’s statement was based on an account given by the officer to investigators. Prosecutors said they knew of no one else who saw what happened, and they asked that any witnesses step forward.

A married father of four is now dead because someone on the Newark police force felt that eradicating this behavior was more of a priority than all of the other problems in that city.


  1. NewEng says

    Right, Mr Gaymon was completely blameless in this situation. While his death was tragic, engaging in sex at a public rest area at night is not something you do without risk, or should do at all.. If I had four children at home that depended upon me I would hope to be more responsible with my decisions. The real victims here is Mr Gaymon’s spouse and children.

  2. James says

    I actually don’t have a problem with Police patrolling areas where men have sex with men in public. A lot of ‘straight’ men seem to be caught there. A gay man in this circumstance would not have tried to fight for his life, because he would have accepted that he was in the wrong and that his life would not be ruined by being caught by the police in this scenario.

    This man wasn’t fighting to avoid a court appearance. He was fighting to avoid the reality of who he was. He died trying to protect a projection, instead of living his truth.

    In a way Police patrolling these areas are actually doing the out gay community a favor (in a post-modern culture theory kind of way). The out gay community needs to shun this kind of behavior too.

  3. marc says

    While it’s unfortunate that Mr. Gaymon died, he died as a direct result of his own actions. Anyone who flees from a police officer while engaging in illegal activity, and appears to grab something from his pocket while attempting to disarm the office, puts his life at risk. I think trying to portray this as a police effort to intimidate homosexuals is really stretching the boundaries of reality.

  4. JH says

    Glad for some smart comments here. The article as posted takes a far too convenient stance of ignoring the illegality of the behavior – which cops should be enforcing laws. The notion, – as with so many comments about immigration in Arizona, completely overlook the illegality of the act. Gaymon was doing something illegal, and foolish. Towleroad is wrong to paint the cop in error for doing what he should have been doing; and wrong to be so instantly forgiving of Gaymon’s legal and ethical and good sense transgressions.

  5. topher says

    “The plainclothes officer was bending down to retrieve his handcuffs,” Mr. Laurino said, “when he was approached by Mr. Gaymon, who was engaged in a sexual act at the time.” — I call BS.
    So the police guy lost his handcuffs (yeah right), went back into the woods for them, bc he knew he’d lost them there (yeah right), and in the 2 seconds it takes to bend down and pick them up, this guy who was having sex with another dude stopped having sex and approached the police — bc he was bendind down.
    This shit is so fake it’s not even funny.

  6. philippe landman says

    Oh my god, a queer caught with his pants down and worse, talking to a hero in blue.
    Shoot the fucker!!!
    I can’t believe all you uncle toms, is the sex in homosexuality a capital crime now?

  7. Fahd says

    No one knows what really happened except that Gaymon is dead. There are countless ways to flush out these areas, none of which involve killing the suspect.

    This might be an instance of one poorly trained policeman or a poorly designed police operation. In my city, as they could in Newark, a police helicopter equipped with strong spotlights hovering overhead is an excellent deterrent.

    This may be one of those “suicide by cop” things, since Gaymon may not have been thinking rationally when he realized he was to be arrested. Still, even if Gaymon had decided to become suicidally reckless in his aggression towards the arresting officer, weren’t there nonlethal alternatives available?

    Does anyone know of any recorded instance of a man arrested in a public park for lewd behavior actually killing the arresting officer?

  8. Ian says

    Well, Gaymon should not have died but HELLO – the biggest MO in the world. Just looked at his beauty contest pose. Four of father, yadda, yadda, yadda, – Gaymon was in the closet to protect his faboo $$$$$ job. He thought he could be Mr. Business and get fucked up the butt in the wilds of New Jersey. Please…. if more CEOs made a stand and said enough, is enough.
    Well, I hope the blow job was worth it.

  9. True Words says

    Here is the reality of things…Mr. Gaymon went to a known cruising area and he is now dead. Gays need to STOP cruising in public areas and these STUPID comments that straights do it as well are such lies. NO group cruises in public like gay men.

  10. pete says

    Is this now only a troll site? A man died and of course, because he was on the down low, it is really his fault. It is good he died because he should have been out.

    I mean what is a 29-year cop veteran, who is still out beating the bushes to arrest not out men to do except shoot him? I mean so many cops have been killed in that, oh so dangerous undercover work. I mean you hear about cops being killed all the time by queers. It is only sex boys.

  11. nic says

    it is astounding to me that the self-righteous pansies above are blaming the victim. a man looking for cock in the woods should not die at the hands of a bigot with a gun.

  12. guywithaclue says

    I’m with Andy & Phillipe. This IS a fuckin problem. Granted, cruising in the park is a bad idea. And cruising in the park is probably a sign of either extreme unhealthy repression (in Mr. Gaymon’s case) and/or a sex addiction problem. These are real problems. But for gay men to laud the over-harsh enforcement of such activities because of their own self-shame doesn’t help anyone either.

  13. tooboot says

    Someone ought to shoot that cop! I don’t believe his story for a second, he is a liar who is covering up what can only be considered another oppressive act of murdering a faggot!
    Why would a cop not call for back up? Why was he out there alone to begin with? I think the cop was the one on the DL and he got caught so he covered up for it. He probably figured no one would care because the victim was black and gay.
    This is like a scene from 1960. It’s absurd that law enforcement hasn’t improved it’s policies for dealing with what would have been a misdemeanor if he had been charged. This is total bullshit! This man did not deserve to die, the fucking asshole cop does, but not the victim.

  14. common sense says

    Oh come on! Regardless of whether or not you think sex in a public area (not private) ‘should’ be legal or not. The fact is, that in very many places, ‘it is illegal’.

    So it should be no surprise that at times officers are sent to patrol areas where known illegal activities are occurring.

    Yes, it is tragic that as a result of all this a life was lost. If indeed he did try to flee a valid arrest, was pursued and put up a fight; then we all know that there is an increased chance of a ramped up response on the part of the officer. ‘IF’ there was a point at which the officer felt sufficiently threatened… then we see what can happen.

    Who in the world thinks that officers should disengage if a suspect becomes potentially violent, and let the suspect run off? That could certainly be a judgement call on the part of the officer, but required? I think not – for a lot of good reasons.

  15. matt says

    The insensitivity of these comments is shocking. Of course police can and should enforce the law but was deadly force really necessary!? It’s not like he had just robbed a bank or mugged an old lady.

    Regardless, the closet was certainly a participant in this tragedy. My heart goes out to his wife and children.

  16. mnrocko says

    This whole scenario is tragic..while the cop does not seem to be telling the whole truth, Mr Gaymon should have remained calm. Ultimately it is the police dept.’s fault. In these tough economic times when agencies are having to cut staff, to delegate anyone to this type of assignment is just plain foolish. Catching people having sex in private areas @ night is not a priority for any police dept. unless it is a public area where families congregate. I doubt this was the case.
    The cops in MN. periodically pull this crap in a couple areas around the Twin Cities, the areas they patrol are not frequented by heteros, and never at night, and from what I remember the heteros were never walking through the area people had sex in, unless of course they were looking for it themselves..another issue I have is the entrapment angle. If a cop is at a cruise area be in uniform, walk through and everyone will go away! Don’t send hunky officers in tank tops with concealed badges into the bushes to stand around and rub their croctches! THIS IS ENTRAPMENT! No matter what people or officers say you are projecting something you are order to procure an arrest..
    True story..a friend of mine was in a cruise area, big mistake as it was during the day, he comes across 2 guys who look hot and “into” one another, one guy kneels in front of the other, friend tries to get closer to have a his crotch a rub…men jump up identify themselves, and arrest him…SAYING, he had his cock out, which, (and I believe him) did not…their word against his, he paid the fine, I would have went to be blamed for something I did not do even if I was there for that reason would piss me off to no end!
    Police are scary shit, like military it takes a certain type to go into that field, often someone who is paranoid to an extent.
    Bottom line, undercover cops at cruise areas is a priority that should be on the bottom of the list with all the other crap going on in our cities.

  17. stephen says

    Absolutely ridiculous…

    1. How/why is this a priority for police?
    2. Why are police not sent in in pairs?
    3. Why don’t they simply ticket cars & wait for owners & have a ‘talk’ with them.
    It’s all absurd.

    And, btw, all you clowns reminding us it’s illegal, well so is speeding & cheating on ur taxes… You folks are buying into the notion that sex btwn men makes it extra scary. There are WAAAAAY better ways for limited Police budgets to be spent.

  18. Dallas says

    TrueWords said: “Gays need to STOP cruising in public areas and these STUPID comments that straights do it as well are such lies. NO group cruises in public like gay men.”

    No, NO group cruises in public like CLOSETED guys who identify as STRAIGHT.

    The majority of men who cruise in public places are closet-cases who identify themselves as “straight”, live “straight” lives and usually have a tendency to have anti-gay stances.

    I don’t appreciate that when these people do something bad, they are then lumped with those of us who are openly gay but the rest of the time, they are upstanding straights.


  19. GregV says

    I agree with Topher; the cop’s story sounds like BS. And anyway, I’ve never in my life sought out an outdoor place to have sex with a stranger, nor have I ever been approached for outdoor sex in such a place. You pretty much have to be looking for it to find it (as this cop was). I have my suspicions that some of these cops enjoy this “undercover” work more than they want to admit, and that homophobia is driving this phenomenon from every angle.
    It’s not like grandmothers are innocently taking their toddlers for a walk in those bushes at midnight, unwittingly stumbling upon sex. So why should those of us who don’t engage in these things even care about what others do there? Mr. Gaymon probably led a sad and scared life and that he was probably terrified that this stranger with a gun was determined to end his life either figuratively or literally.

  20. TampaZeke says

    The real villains here are the closet and our rabidly homophobic society.

    If it weren’t for them this never would have happened. The man wouldn’t have been in the park cruising. The officer wouldn’t have been in the woods patrolling. And a woman and four kids would be finding out that their husband and father was a closeted gay or bi man shot and killed while having sex with another man in the woods of a public park.

    The whole thing is tragic but most everyone here seems to be missing the overarching problem.

    We need to be fighting for legal equality but we need to be putting more effort and energy into promoting social acceptance. Winning marriage equality is not going to stop this sort of thing or put an end to the closet. Until we create a society where we can hold hands in public and kiss in public and show affection in public the same as straight people can and until children grow up in a world where their not conditioned to see gay as a bad or undesirable thing, these tragedies will continue. They still happen in Holland and Canada and every other supposed gay utopia. We have to put more effort and energy into changing hearts and minds if we want to achieve TRUE equality and forever end the scourge of the closet.

  21. BE says

    I agree with Dallas. I don’t even know why this is being debated on towleroad, since this guy was “straight.” Let the straight community deal with the fact that a “straight” man was shot cruising in the woods for sex. Again, this guy was “straight” with a wife and four kids. He has nothing in common with me – an out gay man in a monogamous relationship for 22 years.

  22. Z says

    That cop’s story sounds awfully fishy. Hopefully someone saw what happened and will come forward to either confirm or dispute the story. It is very hard for me to see how a police encounter with a completely unarmed man could ever result in a justifiable officer-involved shooting.

  23. potted palms says

    Per New Jersey court precedent, Mr. Gaymon should not have been arrested:

    Sure, people shouldn’t cruise parks, but sex stings don’t actually deter that behavior. Signage, surveillance cameras, and uniform patrols are all actually more effective and less costly to the taxpayer. Whether or not the officer is telling the truth about the details of the shooting, Mr. Gaymon is still dead because of police misconduct.

  24. JJ says

    “engaged in a sexual act” does not mean he was having sex with another person at the time (again, no witnesses). it prob means he was touching himself, etc

  25. anon says

    The cop’s story doesn’t add up, but further, they are shielding him from reporters so that he doesn’t have to answer any questions. Also, I think he was 29, not a 29-year veteran.

  26. says

    Whether the victim in question was out or closeted is irrelevant to the situation- clearly the Newark Cop thought he was executing a faggot, and a minority as well, and had no problem with that.

    Maybe he thought he would get an extra donut.

  27. True Words says

    Gay men are so stupid to think that this police officer wanted to kill this man; it does not add up like that…it reminds me of when other minority groups such as blacks and hispanics cry foul when it is their community that needs and requires the most monitoring…

    Let’s be honest most of the gay clubs and scenes are VERY unsafe…drugs are being sold and used…the domestic violence in the gay community goes unreported as well as other behaviors. It is all in an effort to keep the pretty shine on a dull and tarnished community…it is a facade!

    Look at the countless murders from hooking up; the fantasy of straight men that a gay man can seduce for sex has ended pretty badly…also the number of HIV cases that are on the rise due to the acceptance of bareback sex as a fetish. Let’s not forget the racism that is rampant…

    Even on this website that only shows a black man in the following ways: he has hurt/killed a white; he is killed for being gay or he is half naked and it is time to pronounce how sexually free we are my stating…we would hit that…if you don’t believe me find three article that does not fit into one of these categories.

    So where is this list of places that straight people have sex?

    Using such antiquated terms as “make out point or lovers lane” is just plain stupid and it reeks of a weak argument.

    I mean come on produce the list…the gay community has NUMEROUS websites just for this activity…

    Gay men whether closeted or out and proud need to keep their mouths and asses out of public places walking around at all hours of the day looking for sex…

    Police have a job to do and public sex is against the law…

    Is it a judgement: yep and it is a good one…

    Last thought: I hope he had a damn good insurance policy so the people who he left behind because of his cowardly behavior can live a decent life.

  28. Steve says

    Wow – a lot of moralizing here about public sex. Uh, yeah, it’s illegal….but so is talking on your cellphone while driving, and speeding, and littering.

    (1) Yup, police resources might be better spent somewhere else.
    (2) “Self-defense” is the weakest and oldest excuse in the book.
    (3) This death was a tragedy.
    (4) Blaming the victim seems a cheap rationalization.
    (5) Racism is not out of the equation either.
    (6) The cop’s story is suspect on a whole lot of levels.

    It’s too bad that being gay is so stigmatized that men like this have to keep living on the DL.

  29. Clanky Mish says

    I am a gay out male and I enjoy cruising in the park. Public sex is very much a part of being gay. NO ONE deserves to die by the hand of a cop for getting a blow job. You judgmental Puritan Gays need to have more sex, you are sounding just like the fundamentalists that are ruining this country.

  30. Willi says

    I read some of these comments and I am shocked. The anti-sex trolls just really shock me. Do you think all those who have gone before us fighting for our equal rughts did it just so we could “say” we are gay???

    You mindless puritans who rail against public sex are probably out in the woods right now. It is pathological how strongly you are against it when compared to other similar offenses with similar legal punishments, cellphone use while driving, speeding, etc.

    In this day and age, and especially in Newark, the fact that a cop was out preventing men from getting off instead of preventing more dangerous behavior like speeding through densely populated neighborhood, shows just how homophobic they are.

    I have to ask myself again and again, why the stings? What not a simple foot patrol in uniform?

  31. kodiak says

    I was in central park last week, at night, cruising. I had sex, no one was murdered. I’ve met out gay men there, who I continue to see on a sexual and non-sexual basis. Met str8 guys, too. If I was a cop on the beat in the gay park at nite, I wouldn’t shoot to kill, there is another collar right around the corner. It was dark it was night the cop had no right to put out that light. I was in the park eating lunch one day by a playground. I watched as a teenage couple engaged in sex on the swing. Sure, it looked kinda like she was sitting on his lap, except for the bucking he was doing as he fucked her. I don’t remember any guns going off, except for the one in his pants. They felt no threat from the law or passersby, or kids using the playground. They felt safe.
    Double standard. Double standard. Sure, it’s easy to say it’s against the law, etc., but that doesn’t mean someone deserved to die. Remember Stonewall? Drag queens broke the law and freed us all! It was illegal for gays to co-mingle in a bar. I’m not arguing for a sex zone in the park, but it’s hurtful to gay men everywhere when stuff like this happens. What manner of gay sensitivity training does the police department give it’s officers?
    Needs to be some serious teaching going on there. It’s pretty much “go get the fuggin fags” str8 guy tough talk. De-humanizing the victim. Portraying them falsely. Who ever threatens to kill a cop after the cop identifies himself? The poor guy was probably trying to run away into the trees. I’d be interested to know where the bullet entered his body, what forensics has to say about this crime. Sad, sad, sad. He didn;t deserve this. We didn’t deserve this. It hurts us all.

  32. MCnNYC says

    @ Kodiak….interesting you bring up Stonewall….cause if I remember correctly the bar was ILLEGALLY serving alcohol without a license at the time of the raid.

    So I guess the police had legal cause for the raid. Yet I still view those patrons as heros.
    I’m not saying it’s the same thing.
    But 6pm is still light and where was his partner.
    The article says the officer was not questioned until Monday night. A man was killed on Friday night! He was being treated for trama…HUH.

    I just think the loss of life needs to be reflected upon.

  33. Fenrox says

    This is why cops need mounted cameras. Anyone with that much power and control over others shouldn’t (And shouldn’t have to) be trusted.

  34. jakeinlove says

    You do realize that we only have 1 side of the story. The other person is dead. Regardless of the illegal act it doesn’t warrant shooting to kill.

  35. John John says

    Blaming the victim? The idiot tried to disarm an officer because he didn’t want to be arrested and it come out that he liked men. He died because he was ashamed and panicked. The police response was rational.

    What was the officer supposed to do? Wait and hope that if Gaymon did manage to steal his gun, he wouldn’t shoot? Give me a break. He’s dead because of his own actions and his own choices.

  36. TANK says

    “Begs the question” is a common phrase used by the fourth estate to mean something like implies an open or closed question (unresolved/resolved querry). The latter is a rhetorical device, whereas the former seems to be a sincere interest in resolving a dispute.

    What it actually means is to assume the truth of a proposition without arguing for it…or, in an argument, the conclusion contained as a premise (e.g., circular reasoning).

    Now, as to the question of whether or not armed police officers should be sent to deal with public sex, that’s not as cut and dry as one would imagine. Is it possible that a random trick in a park could be carrying a gun, and wouldn’t hesitate to use it on undercover police if confronted and arrested? It’s possible. So by mandating that they are unarmed, you take away a line of defense available to a police officer. However, muggers and other criminals that are usually armed are found in public parks, too. This has to be weighed against tragic outcomes such as this. If this man did have a gun, and threatened to use it on the cop (I’m sure he was desperate at that point), would he have to protect his secret? I’m unsure of whether that question has an answer. But were he to have a gun, the potential would have been real, and this officer could have lost his life instead. Is that potential sufficient to warrant arming undercover police officers during sex stings where there is a likelihood of using deadly force? I think so, given the likelihood of deadly force (which isn’t zero). But even if the potential were near zero, the worst case cost is great (death or injury). So to defeat the reasoning above, you need to demonstrate that given the potential cost (death or injury), officers nonetheless shouldn’t be allowed to carry guns even if the potential for that cost were low (which I’m not saying it is).

    Which brings us back to whether or not sex in public space should be legal or illegal. If public space is for the public, and not just a select group, then people need to modify their behaviors in accordance with public expectation. How does one do that? Well, they usually strike a compromise that all parties are satisfied with, or at least not harmed by. Forgoing sex in public does not harm anyone’s expectations (excluding the expectation to have sex in public); whereas sex in public disappoints some expectations by foreclosing on enjoyment of public space. So the question becomes: does forgoing sex in public foreclose on the enjoyment of public space by some? Possibly, but should that neutralize objections to the practice? No, because it’s not possible to enjoy public space without being in public space, whereas it is possible to enjoy sex without being in public space. Or accomodationism…setting aside a part of public space for sex in public.

    Another problem is inconsistent enforcement and harsher penalization targeting MSM, which is discrimination. This needs to be addressed separately, and shouldn’t be conflated with the previous two issues.

  37. TheRealist says

    While this death is tragic, the true elephant in the room is this: what was the motivation behind the “tip” that served as the catalyst? What other illegal activities does this “tipster” report? Traffic crimes? Infractions by their family or friends? Most of us are witness to some sort of illegal activity on a daily basis, including the “tipster”. I believe all “tipsters” should be registered – let he who is without sin cast the first stone. I would label this as stone throwing by a coward that resulted in the death of another human being…..sad…sad…

  38. Shane says

    Some of you people are ridiculous. I’m sure the cop was out there to hunt humans – you know how those young cops are. Get a life people.
    Not cruising for sex in park = not in a place to get caught.
    Not charging the cop when you are scared of getting arrested = way to get shot.
    The sex act he talks about was probably masturbation – he was masturbating as he walked towards the cop.

  39. Parker says

    @Z – who is it that you’re hoping will come forward as a witness; one of the other married men with kids who was there having sex with men in the bushes?

    And to those who say that “what we’ve been fighting for all these years” is the right to have sex in public parks, I say WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? Regardless of what my feelings are or aren’t about sex in public parks I’m damned well sure that that isn’t what we’ve been fighting for. I’m pretty sure that we’ve been fighting for a world where people who have sex in parks do it because they like the thrill of public sex and not because it’s their only sexual outlet in a rabidly homophobic world that pushes them into sham marriages.

    Which brings me to another comment. No! Having sex in public parks is most certainly not part of being gay. It’s part of being a voyeur for some or an exhibitionist for others or for the thrill of possibility getting caught for others or just a fun thing to do for others or, and I think most often, it’s a desperate option for expressing one’s repressed and hidden sexuality for others.

    It has nothing to do with being gay. The only reason gay and closeted men do it more and straight people (for the most part) and lesbians don’t is because gay men generally more sexually adventurous, more used to hiding their sexuality in general and less inhibited by sexual taboos (for obvious reasons). Also, straight people have less reason to feel that they need to hide their sexual activity, unless they’re having an affair. But they get a motel room, mainly because the women demand it because the vast majority of women would never consider degrading herself, or allowing herself to be degraded by being used like a disposable piece of trash in the woods.

  40. johnny says

    Answer for those who think we’re being puritans:

    Cruise for sex all you want, and when you find someone who’s willing, GO GET A CHEAP HOTEL ROOM, like the rest of humanity does when they want sex on the DL. Have all the great, anonymous gay sex you want, just don’t do it in a public park, geniuses.

    When are men going to learn that sex in public is a very stupid thing to do and can have dire consequences? Sure it’s sad he’s dead, but he went down a road he shouldn’t have by having sex in public.

    Ask yourself: If he’d have found a partner and gone to a hotel, would he still be alive today? More than likely, YES.

    I’m amazed at how many people still think this behavior is good for our community. The 70s are over, folks.

  41. Dave says

    Wow, you people must watch a lot of those crazy cable “news” shows where everyone just screams at each other. So much discussion that has nothing to do with the facts — of which there are very few. Half of you say the guy deserved what he got, and the other half say the cop is a murderer. Consider:

    We have no idea why the dead guy was in the park. We can assume, and/or we can take the cop’s story at face value. But unless witnesses come forward, the only person who could corroborate is dead.

    At this point, nothing the cop says can be taken as fact. Yet many of you are passing all kinds of judgment on both parties based on what he has told authorities so far.

    To those who say the dead guy (note I’m not calling him a “victim”) got what he deserved — again, you don’t know that because you have no idea why he was there or what actually happened. All you have is the cop’s story.

    To those of you who say the cop is a murderer — again, based on what? And by the way — if a cop can carry a gun as they patrol my local streets in broad daylight, they damn well should carry one when they’re in a park in the evening, especially when patrolling a place where criminal activity is known to take place.

    To those of you questioning the “relative legality” of public sex vs. driving while on the phone, or stealing, or killing someone… illegal is illegal. Whether or not this officer should have instead been patrolling the streets or arresting drug dealers or helping a little old lady across the street is not the issue.

    If I cross the street against the light and get hit by a bus and die, did I “deserve” what I got? Death seems a pretty harsh penalty for jaywalking. That said, I made a poor decision. Is it anyone’s fault other than my own that I’m dead? No. Did I “deserve” to die for that little decision? I don’t think that’s really the point. I just made a bad decision, and there was a consequence. Period.

    This was particularly hilarious: “I am a gay out male and I enjoy cruising in the park. Public sex is very much a part of being gay.” Is it? Because I’m as gay as a maypole and I find the idea of public sex appalling. Seems like an incredibly self-centered worldview to think that we should be permitted to have sex wherever we feel like it. Does that include the middle of the grocery store, or perhaps in the stands at the baseball game? If you want to cruise the park, fine. Find your trick and take him somewhere private to do your thing. Let’s ask some of the out gay parents who read this blog: Do you want your kids stumbling across live sex scenes (or used condoms or drug paraphernalia or whatever) in the park? Is sex an appropriate use of a public accommodation? Should it just be an accepted practice? Maybe you gay parents are just Puritanical hypocrites.

    On a different note, I will agree with at least one previous poster that the original Towleroad post on this story reflects what is, IMO, a marked trend on this blog toward breathless, ranty, screechy tabloid-style coverage. I used to view Towleroad as a good source for high-quality, reasonably objective information and discussion. Lately it reads a lot more like those cable “news” shows: SCANDAL! INTRIGUE! NAKED CELEBRITIES! I personally spend less time on the blog as a result. I hope the strategy (if it is indeed a strategy) is working for Andy. It’s not working for me.

  42. JJ says

    he wasnt shot bc he was trolling for sex, he was shot bc he was resisting arrest (and apparently) using physical force to the point where the cop thought he was a major threat.

    if you do the same thing when you get pulled over (ie saying youre gonna kill the officer and appearing as a threat), you might got shot too! it has NOTHING to do with the gay cruising

  43. Dusty says

    Wow. He’s on a billboard near my work.

    Also, he’s dead because he went trolling for sex in public, propositioned an officer and most importantly, resisted arrest.

    If he didn’t want to get into trouble he shouldn’t have broken the law. If he didn’t want to get shot, he should have complied.

    Most people don’t want public sex going on in their neighborhoods and parks. No one should cry about the police enforcing the law. This guy knew the risks and he went ahead with his decision.

    Also…. “Gaymon.” Coincidence?

  44. g_whiz says

    When did towerload become a GoProud affiliate? Everyone I’ve talked to in the NJ area about this think the cop’s story is out and out bullshit. How many other times does it take a person 3 days to get a story straight? Secondly, even IF said murdered person was masterbating, or soliciting sex I’m dismayed at how quickly any of you can justify him being shot to death for it. Sure, public sex is icky and gay people doing it in public is somehow more awful than heterosexual couples going to Inspiration Point…but come off it. This is a case where we have a dead man, and a flimsy story from the person holding the gun is the only information we have. Too convenient. Welcome to the police state.

  45. Please says

    All this guy wanted was a little BJ action in the park and he got SHOT TO DEATH FOR IT, YOU CUNTY QUEENS!!!!!

    Better hope your local law enforcement doesn’t decide that obese, pimply faggots that spend their whole lives in their mom’s basement on the computer anxiously awaiting the next Sean Cody update deserve to die, too. You’ll all be in trouble.

  46. missanthrope says

    “Right, Mr Gaymon was completely blameless in this situation. While his death was tragic, engaging in sex at a public rest area at night is not something you do without risk, or should do at all.. If I had four children at home that depended upon me I would hope to be more responsible with my decisions. The real victims here is Mr Gaymon’s spouse and children.”

    Yes, clearly he deserved the death penalty.

  47. lazlo says

    Yea he has gay face and his pose is queer so he must be gay! Eureka!!! I guess all my straight friends who get mistaken for gay really are gay! Who knows if he was cruising in the park? He took a short cut (supposedly, we still need to wait for more info) on his way to his high school reunion. Why stop in the woods for a quickie with a perfect stranger first? Why not wait til the reunion is over check out craigslist/rentboy/etc then arrange a meet and greet at his hotel or in the park? Some of the comments here are really disheartening. We dont even have all the facts yet. This guy lost his life, his kids lost a father.

  48. lazlo says

    Some made a critique of towleroad. I don’t find the website has really changed. Some post I find a bit sensational but I have free will. I can skip it or read it. There are so many sites to peruse. I try not to get to worked up about it.

  49. captain underpants says

    From the times story it says it happened around 630 pm –that is full day light last Friday in NJ –this wasn;t in the dark. He was on the way to his highschool reunion –class of 1980. I guess he left wifey at home for a reason —
    Before I pass judgment on gaymon (the name with that look is too much–I repeat that look –if the wifey didn’t know he was blowing guys on the side she has rocks in her head. What color is that hair?
    Anyway, how much you want to bet he was a major homohater in real life –black church, banker, southern –if so, and his reaction sounds like a reaction of someone like larry craig –fear of exposure. I am sure he played in bushes only on business trips

  50. kyle michel sullivan says

    Was the cop white? If yes, then why is anyone surprised he killed a black man and is saying all sorts of things to cover his butt? Not that anything will happen to him, no mater what the evidence shows.

    Seems like a lot of the people commenting on this thread are too willing to believe the shooter, since the dead man can’t contradict him. Why do they accept his version of events so readily? Seriously, why? Especially considering how many times cops have been caught lying about what happened between them and someone they arrested or shot or beat the hell out of. Why do you automatically believe the cop?

  51. Lessthan says

    We don’t know what happened here. All we have is the cop’s word. He may be telling the whole truth, he is probably telling some of the truth, and we definitely will never know. Let’s put that aside for the moment. The argument about public sex annoys me because the first thing anyone jumps to is “It’s illegal, therefore wrong!” Public sex may or may not be wrong, but the morality of it has nothing to do with legality. Do I really have to remind everyone here that up until 20-30 years ago sodomy was illegal just about everywhere? Do i have to remind you that those laws were almost always only applied to us homosexuals? That the arguments used here against it such as “it’s icky!” and “Think of the children!” are the same ones used against us when we try for equality? There are sanitary reasons against public sex, but those reasons apply to all types of sexual contact. Is there an argument about the immorality of public sex that hasn’t also been applied to us? Please come up with a better argument. (Also a little personal aside, one of my first exposures to sex was a teen straight couple doing it in the public pool. I was about 10 and I was thrilled. “They are having sex in the pool, right there!” I really don’t understand the fuss.)

  52. Marty says

    Don’t have a lot of sympathy for the public sex trolls. Whether you think public sex should be legal or not is irrelevant. It “is” illegal, therefore if you get busted you get charged. Now, if you feel strongly about it, then advocate and change the law,(ex. sodomy, pot etc.) otherwise get a hotel room.

    And whoever said public sex was part of gay culture sounds like an old queen from a far more desperate time. It’s over, hon, put down the poppers and step away from the bushes….

  53. just a guy says

    I do think public sex is grody. I’d rather have sex on my own terms, with my bf/husband, in private.

    But all this bs about straights don’t have public sex is bs. Only once have I seen public sex in my neighborhood. Straight (prolly high) couple fucking on a prominent lawn in front of passing traffic, at a major intersection. It pissed me off bc I thought of property values and not wanting that shit in my neighborhood. It was crazy graphic, like you could see the d*ck going in and out, and clearly they intended it.

    I don’t know how long they were there. I do know no one called law enforcement. I ended up bravely asking them to leave the area. They did after I (awkwardly) asserted myself in that situation. NO GUNS NECESSARY.

    If straights have public sex, people assume its a thrill and rare, and nothing to patrol. When gays have public sex (which to me is no less disgusting), people go apesh*t because they hate gays that much.

    I agree with the poster who says our goals should include creating a world where it’s ok for us to be publicly affectionate. By public affection I don’t mean public sex. I mean kissing our partners, holding hands, being the PEOPLE we are and expressing our feelings and sexuality in ways that straights take for granted.

    The popularity of public cruising is one sign that we have a long way to go.

    Oh yeah, the out guys on here who are all about their public sex. You NEED to check out the following link:

    Oh, Dave, stop trashing on Andy. He rocks.

    ANd whoever said that thing about pimply gay guys in their mothers’ basements waiting for the next porno release. That’s kinda funny shit. Bitter. But funny. :-)

    “Emoticons don’t cure anything” – a Dan Savage post summarized :-)

  54. rick says

    I don’t believe the bending down/handcuffs bs or that Gaymon struggled with the cop.

    Certainly, he didn’t have to shoot the guy in the chest.

  55. says

    This whole event was avoidable. One would think it was taking place 25 years ago, when it was a practice of most police departments to use plainclothes decoys. I do not think it is right for anybody to engage in public sex acts at any time, day or night. However, there is no need for undercover policemen, if signs are posted, and uniform policemen are in sight. The use of deadly force is totally wrong… even if people are engaging in public sex, as well as using “sting” operations. Consenting adults engaging in public sex is unlawful, and those caught should pay the consequences, but not with their lives.

  56. Hollywood, CA says

    NO BLACK MAN IS GOING TO TRY AND TAKE DOWN A COP UNARMED? Give me a break! I know that much! The story sounds a little to conceived. And it’s basically the cops word against nothing, so I guess that’s a couple of notches on his belt.

    I hope the truth comes out. You HATEFUL queens who are siding with the cop just because you think public sex is dirty, are not helping the cause. He could have just been standing there for all we know. It’s total BULLSHIT!

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