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Ted Haggard: I'm Bisexual, and I Used Meth

The ever-evolving Ted Haggard, who previously admitted to buying meth but said he threw it away and in January of last year called himself a "heterosexual with issues", lets GQ writer Kevin Roose in on a few details in a new profile:

Haggard When Gayle leaves to pick up lunch from a nearby Italian joint, I mention that I visited Mike Jones in Denver. Ted tenses and preemptively begins debunking Jones's claims again—no sex, no repeat massages, no kinky stuff. He admits that he bought drugs from Jones "five or six times" but maintains that he wasn't an addict.

"Sometimes I'd throw it away," he says. "Other times, I'd go someplace and masturbate and use it. But it was for masturbation. And that's one of the reasons why I haven't been real clear. I don't want to stand up publicly and say, 'Hey, I'm a masturbation guy!'

"You know, that's really the core issue here," he continues, lowering his voice. "I bought the drugs to enhance masturbation. Because what crystal meth does—Mike taught me this—crystal meth makes it so you don't ejaculate soon. So you can watch porn and masturbate for a long time."

He's also not a heterosexual with issues:

"Here's where I really am on this issue," he half whispers. "I think that probably, if I were 21 in this society, I would identify myself as a bisexual." After a weekend of Ted trying to convince me of his unambiguous devotion to his wife and kids, I'm at first too surprised to say anything.

"So why not now?" I ask finally.

"Because, Kevin, I'm 54, with children, with a belief system, and I can have enforced boundaries in my life. Just like you're a heterosexual but you don't have sex with every woman that you're attracted to, so I can be who I am and exclusively have sex with my wife and be perfectly satisfied."

"But what does it have to do with being 54?"

"Life!" he says. "We live an ordinary life."

The Last Temptation of Ted [GQ]

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Comments

  1. He's obviously confused as all hell, but at least he's trying to be honest. Shame about the people he hurt in the past, but he does deserve some credit for trying to come to terms with it. Just goes to show how much religion f*cks you up.

    Posted by: Chris | Jan 26, 2011 7:04:21 PM


  2. What a revelation. And in related news, snow is cold and rain is wet (apologies to Carol King's "Home Again").

    Posted by: ALEX-N-ARKANSAS | Jan 26, 2011 7:18:23 PM


  3. I hope bisexuality is your last stop, Ted. The train to "hopelessly gay" departs in the next five minutes.

    Posted by: Adrian | Jan 26, 2011 7:19:27 PM


  4. I can't begin to imagine how horrible it is to live his life.

    Posted by: ChristopherM | Jan 26, 2011 7:30:49 PM


  5. This is an example of someone oppressed by limiting beliefs.

    Posted by: It could be you too | Jan 26, 2011 7:38:10 PM


  6. "So you can watch porn and masturbate for a long time.". I'm sure he meant to say "and have sex for a long time" but knew that would be a bit too much for his flock.

    Posted by: topher | Jan 26, 2011 7:52:21 PM


  7. Never mind the scores of perfectly happy bisexuals currently living quiet family-oriented lives within completely respectable "boundaries."

    One of these days, bisexual will not be synonymous with "available/promiscuous." Sigh.

    Posted by: Mana | Jan 26, 2011 7:54:58 PM


  8. I would agree...if this were anyone but Ted Haggard.

    Everyone seems to put bisexual men into one of two categories:
    1) A holding area until you admit to being gay.
    2) An excuse to to be slutty with whomever you choose.

    I came out at 13, gay and proud for over 10 years, but I still have relationships with women, and it has nothing to do with societal pressures or being slutty. It just happens to be who I want to be with at that time. I actually keep it to myself, especially around gay men I don't know, because it's easier to be a gay dude who sleeps with women sometimes as opposed to a bi guy, or a straight guy who sleeps with dudes.

    And I get annoyed when people seem hesitant to date me for fear that I'll cheat on them. Cheating has nothing to do with being bisexual: you're just a lech. Just like you don't have sex with every woman you're attracted to after you're married is the same way I don't have sex with every man OR woman I'm attracted to after committing.

    I ruffle at his use of the words "normal life" but on the whole, the logic is sound.

    But in his case...it feels like hot air in his Gay Holding Area.

    Posted by: RafiD'Angelo | Jan 26, 2011 8:02:12 PM


  9. For all of the unknown deaths, lives destroyed, money taken through fraudulent means, this man should be spending the rest of his life in jail and not constantly trying to reinvent himself. He is very dangerous and does not deserve to walk the streets with upstanding citizens.

    Posted by: PTBoat | Jan 26, 2011 8:09:26 PM


  10. Read all the comments and all I can say is...WTF are you talking about PTBOAT?!?!?!?!

    Posted by: Will | Jan 26, 2011 8:25:48 PM


  11. who am i to judge?
    i hope he finds some sort of healing, for the sake of his children and his spouse.

    Posted by: daftpunkydavid | Jan 26, 2011 8:26:07 PM


  12. Anger fades to pity pretty quickly here.

    Posted by: Steve Scarborough | Jan 26, 2011 8:35:53 PM


  13. Bisexual or not, Ted Haggard still reminds me of Paul Lynde.

    Posted by: Justin | Jan 26, 2011 8:55:47 PM


  14. I just can't listen to this guy anymore without my ears bleeding. I certainly won't watch his show - I hate it when my eyes bleed even more than when my ears bleed. Whatever his actual sexual orientation - although I believe I'm a lot less confused about it than he is - the man's a shameless attention whore. What a pity we haven't heard the last of him.

    Posted by: Leroy Laflamme | Jan 26, 2011 9:54:49 PM


  15. "I'm not gay! I'm just a 54-year-old meth-addled bisexual christofascist masturbating con-man!"

    I'm so glad that's cleared up.

    Posted by: Bryan | Jan 26, 2011 10:07:52 PM


  16. Will he please just go away?

    It is so embarrassing every time he opens his mouth.

    Also, I second what Bryan just said!

    Posted by: Evan | Jan 26, 2011 10:42:23 PM


  17. I am simply not a big enough person to find sympathy for this man after all the pain he has caused others but I do have sympathy for his wife and children.

    Posted by: PLAINTOM | Jan 26, 2011 10:43:50 PM


  18. Why do you feel sorry for his wife? She's as just as big a player in all of this as he is. She's known about him but believes all the same bullshit about gay people that he does.

    I do feel sorry for his kids.

    Posted by: TampaZeke | Jan 26, 2011 11:01:53 PM


  19. F*ck you Ted. Does an 'ordinary' life revolve around creating and leading a culture of taunting and shaming queer kids? Anyone who does not know how revolting this man is, should check out the documentary "Jesus Camp," which shows his pre-scandal modus operandi, (which he still has not disavowed.)

    People like this need to be held accountable. They are the real bullies, the powerful and influential, who create a world in which queer kids feel so isolated and ashamed that a schoolyard incident can send them over the edge

    Posted by: Hank | Jan 26, 2011 11:16:25 PM


  20. Here's TED:

    "No I didn't do the drugs! No really I didn't.

    As he thinks in his mind ... let's see when you are asked 'Have you been drinking? How many have you had?' You answer. I only had one officer! OK, that's a good approach.

    Yeah, that's the ticket. I only did it 2 times. No 3! Oh wait! It really was 4 to 5 times only! No really!

    I did it for ... for getting to understand the gays. Yeah, that's the ticket. YEah, I did it to understand them.

    Oh wait, no, well, yeah there was something sexual. Actually I did meth for masturbation. Yeah, that's the ticket. I did it for masturbation!

    Yup. No, I'm not gay. I'm hetero. Oh wait, yeah, I did it with a guy. OK! I'm 'bi'. Yeah, that's the ticket. Yeah, I'm bi. And I do meth! Bi me meth and I'll get sexual."

    And around and around we go ...

    Posted by: FunMe | Jan 26, 2011 11:25:34 PM


  21. Everything Ted Haggard has ever said about sexuality makes him sound like he's just weaving an ongoing web of confusion for himself. The confusion itself seems to be a vital aspect of his "belief system."
    He "would be" bisexual but he's "not" because he's 54? And because his belief system creates enforced boundaries?
    Ted, one can be bisexual and only have sex with one person. One can even be bisexual and be celibate and chaste. And one can be bisexual and be 54 years old.
    Given the determination Haggard has not to allow his judgements to mature based on truths, it's no wonder he has a long history of actions he can't seem to honestly defend or even understand.

    Posted by: GregV | Jan 26, 2011 11:33:46 PM


  22. What a load of bollix !

    Posted by: JackFknTwist | Jan 27, 2011 3:23:32 AM


  23. I think Mr. Haggard needs physical correction, and I volunteer to provide it.

    Posted by: Strict Top | Jan 27, 2011 3:24:52 AM


  24. And what the F&%$ is a bisexual ?

    Posted by: JackFknTwist | Jan 27, 2011 3:25:04 AM


  25. Actually I'm kinda glad he finally admits to being "at least" bisexual. He's still full of crap & I wish he'd go away. I really hate that Joy has him on her show & actually seems to like him -- that I totally don't get. U can be sure he was chowing down hungrily on Mike Jones' dick & ass every chance he could. Anyone 54+ wanna tell Ted the urge for dick doesn't go away?

    Posted by: Swine | Jan 27, 2011 4:15:37 AM


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