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Patti Stanger Apologizes, Then Repeats Her Poisonous View of Gay Relationships to Joy Behar: VIDEO


After issuing an apology, Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger appeared on Joy Behar's show last night to do damage control over what she said about gay men on Watch What Happens Live.

Unfortunately, she pretty much doubled-down on those remarks.


P_stanger Stanger says that people missed the point on WWHL, that she was offering advice on an L.A.-specific gay relationship.

“Whether you're straight or gay, that's player town. Did I say all gays? I said the gays in Los Angeles.”

Stanger then tried to explain her advocacy work on behalf of gay men:

"For five years I have put gay dating on the map. Nobody ever did this. There was no LOGO then. And I did the NoH8 campaign, I was an advocate for gay marriage, I stood up there for my gay friends. I've got more gay friends than Carter has pills."

She then negates her L.A.-specific excuse by asserting that gays "all around the country" are shallow, sex-first, relationship-later individuals, and then insults the gay community on marriage.

Says Stanger to Behar (my transcript):

"In the show when we do the mixers, the guys are passing around the telephone numbers, they're sleeping with each other, even affter the millionaire gets the date he's sleeping with the pool of people. My (gay) friend...says 'Patti this is what it's like around the country.' This is the gay community. I said, 'I'm trying to curb them.' Now this is not the lesbian. The lesbian gets involved. They move in together. They're quiet. They're at peace. But the gay men. They whip it out at eyelock. They get involved, and then they find out later whether or not they want a serious relationship. And I hope they use the privilege in New York of gay marriage, because now they have it. And a lot of gays aren't getting married, even though they have the privilege."


Stanger and Bravo both released apologies earlier in the day.

Said Stanger: “I am so sorry.  I did not mean to offend anyone with my comments last night on Watch What Happens Live.”

Said Bravo: “Bravo regrets the comments expressed by Patti Stanger on Watch What Happens Live last night.  Her comments are not representative of the network’s beliefs and opinions.  We apologize for the offense it caused.”

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  1. Uh, duh, she's making a generalization, but she's mostly right. Grindr anyone!?!?

    I'm frequently disgusted to be part of the gay "community" when so many around me are incredibly narcissistic and childish. When she says what many of us are thinking.... suddenly she needs to be canceled??? Are you kidding me??

    Posted by: joe | Sep 27, 2011 8:20:10 AM

  2. Hmmm. Maybe, just MAYBE, someone should fire Andy Cohen for unleashing these monsters on us. Cohen has done a disservice to the world by promoting shallow, selfish, brainless narcissists like Stanger and all the housewives and that botoxed, fish-lipped house-flipping jackass on us and making them infamous. I can't stand his "Look at me..I'm hanging out with the A-List" mentality as he shoves crap down our throats. He is the reason the OFF TV switch was created.

    Posted by: Ray | Sep 27, 2011 8:22:15 AM

  3. I don't get it. How does someone so holistically ugly, in every possible way, inside and out, end up on television? And where did she get the idea that "gay dating" began with LOGO???

    Posted by: C | Sep 27, 2011 8:23:16 AM

  4. This woman knows the power of exercising her mouth and expressing her ideas. She knows what she is saying before it comes flying out of her mouth, an apology is not sufficient as an apology is way too easy for her. 'Talking' about putting your mind in gear before the mouth! An apolgoy is way too simple as no explanation is an excuse out of her mouth. She knows the power of words all too well. Yes it is all garbage and she knows this if you have ever, ever tried to listen to her Bravo show. Hope no one permits her an easy excuse except show her the door, she's fired. I now wait for Kathy Griffin.

    Posted by: PSGuy92262 in PS | Sep 27, 2011 8:30:34 AM

  5. I don't understand how the gay community can be so judgemental about the numerous forms relationships and sexuality can take. Why is it that all of a sudden the gay community should model themselves on a puritanical, sex-negative, imaginary (as in it has never really been real) heterosexual monogamy? You are disgusted to be a part of the gay community? There are plenty of ex-gay therapists out there.....or, you could just stop judging others and realize that you do what you do and they do what they do and no one should be judging. Human sexuality and intimate relationships takes a myriad of forms......just because gay marriage exists doesn't mean that ALL gays should get married, want to get married or that they will not get married and decide to have sex with others. If you want the Disney happy ending then perhaps you should become a cartoon! In any case, a HUGE part of the gay community should be accepting that not everyone has sex or creates intimate relationships in the same way. Being a puritanical hypocrite won't make you more impressive or a more upstanding will just make you a puritanical hypocrite.

    Posted by: Brian | Sep 27, 2011 8:31:29 AM

  6. Damn, you know what? There a lot of TRUTH in what she said. It is hard for me to fault her when she says what we all know is true. Sure, she over generalized as all gay men are not created equal, but have you seen pictures of the Folsom Street Fair?

    Posted by: moses | Sep 27, 2011 8:39:49 AM

  7. Andy Cohen....Please Go Away.. For EVER.

    Posted by: Mike Fisher | Sep 27, 2011 8:40:00 AM

  8. She doesn't really mean harm, we have bigger enemies out there.

    Posted by: Mark | Sep 27, 2011 8:43:41 AM

  9. Haven't watched Bravo for a couple years now because they lost their way from the original content they had, so not sure who she is but I must say she would make a awesome Severus Snape on Halloween.

    Posted by: Skooter McGoo | Sep 27, 2011 8:44:45 AM

  10. we said this yesterday and we'll say it body with an ounce of self worth cares about what this woman says, no matter how accurate it may be...moving on

    Posted by: epic | Sep 27, 2011 8:46:51 AM

  11. She's right to an extent...GAY men do think with their *D**K...but so do breeder men to...and men who are married in a straight relationship...they sleep around on their wives more time with other women lie about it and you have straight men that sleep around with other men and lie about it to their wives too. Why should anyone in the GLBT community be taking offense to this...most gay men are whores but so are straight men its in our DNA. Stop being such drama queens and admit it.

    Posted by: x man | Sep 27, 2011 8:47:03 AM

  12. If a gay person said what she said, would we be batting an eye? No, because most of it is true, lmao.

    She lacks tact is a serious way and she needs to learn when to shut the hell up, but I don't view her as homophobic.

    Posted by: BEAHBEAH | Sep 27, 2011 8:48:40 AM

  13. Patti Stanger is partly right. It is true that the male-male social scene is built on a sex act. However, it's not so much a function of our orientation as it is of our gender. Men have a powerful sex drive. Put two men together and you're doubling the power.

    In the male-female interaction scenario, the woman serves to curtail the libido of the male. Thus, the sexual power of the male-female social scene is reduced by the female. Her libido is based on pregnancy; it's like an on-off switch that is biologically designed to switch off for 9 months at a time. She serves as the gate-keeper, keeping the male sex drive in check.

    All in all, Stanger makes some valid points but perhaps she should have phrased it a little better.

    Posted by: jason | Sep 27, 2011 8:50:00 AM

  14. She says offensive things about straight guys, too. Not defending her either way, but she's made a career by giving people her opinions - misguided though they may often be. She doesn't generalize about gays any more that she does about 'narcissists,' 'gold diggers,' or anyone else whose psyche she thinks she understands. She's seems tactless and self-aggrandizing but largely harmless in my view.

    Posted by: Dan | Sep 27, 2011 8:57:50 AM

  15. What hateful little people agree with her? Ones that are so sad, lonely and pathetic that they can't find somebody to love them. Try loving yourself's a cliche but in this case, very very true.

    Posted by: Shawn | Sep 27, 2011 9:06:55 AM

  16. She is not our enemy and she is absolutly right...stop being so sanctimonious.

    Posted by: Grant | Sep 27, 2011 9:09:27 AM

  17. I agree with a few others here in saying, she's not homophobic. She's trashy but hateful? No. She's talking from a (and I hate this term but it fits) fag hag position. Like she's one of the gays herself.

    It is what it is. As I said yesterday, gay men themselves say the very same things. She's simply saying it publicly. She lacks tact for sure but really, she's the least of our issues.

    Posted by: Francis | Sep 27, 2011 9:12:31 AM

  18. @shawn: I know, right?

    "Have any of you seen pictures of Folsom Street Fair?" Are you kidding? You can meet a husband anymore. One of the longest running happiest couples I know (they are also friends of Andy's) met at a bathhouse and got married when gay marriage became legal in NYC.

    Truthfully, those who are agreeing with Patti are probably all, or mostly all single, and wouldn't know how to create a relationship if it sat on them, just like she has no idea what it means to be in a relationship.

    I don't know what's more disgusting, Patti Stanger and her remarks or the self-hating straight wannabes here who are agreeing with her.

    Posted by: Jonathan | Sep 27, 2011 9:21:14 AM

  19. sorry, anymore = anywhere.

    Posted by: Jonathan | Sep 27, 2011 9:22:28 AM

  20. All gay men in my life DO NOT think with their dicks. If that's how you see gay life then you need to rethink your life. I LIVE in SF (born/raised) and yes there areFolsom St and the old wrinkled gay nude guys of Castro but they are but one tiny segment of a big gay world. The majority of gays do not attend Folsom Street Fair nor hang their nuts out to air on Castro. Stanger is a media whore and nothing more. No millionaire would have her (she is single).

    Posted by: OS2Guy | Sep 27, 2011 9:24:22 AM

  21. Agreeing with Francis. She's making generalizations that have a lot of truth in them. If you have a problem with what she's saying, make your case. But I don't think most people could.

    Most gay guys who go out on a date have sex... hell, lots of us have sex before going out on the date, then go out to dinner to relax!

    In the grander scheme of things, she's irrelevant. But we're way too sensitive.

    Posted by: Dan | Sep 27, 2011 9:25:17 AM

  22. OS2GUY: You're buying into the whole thing as well. So what if people attend Folsom. It's fun. I've never been but I'm sure it has its good points. Just like people go to the black party and dress up in leather there once a year. I'm sure there are plenty of monogamous guys at Folsom and I'm sure there are plenty of pigs in your church group. Please, you guys are really starting to get annoying.

    Posted by: Jonathan | Sep 27, 2011 9:27:21 AM

  23. She's right!!

    Posted by: s | Sep 27, 2011 9:39:32 AM

  24. Kinda like going to the Hardware Store to buy bread... Isn't she just giving her opinion?

    She should have finessed her description a bit more, but the generalizations are based in some truth.

    I prefer to f'em first & decide if I like him later... if it doesn't work in the bdrm, it ain't going anywhere.

    Get over it.

    Posted by: Pete n SFO | Sep 27, 2011 9:42:42 AM

  25. yeah, sorry, guys, but she's right. gay men are slutty. and it's makes perfect sense (testosterone + testosterone). why is it offensive for her to say that?

    the real question is why is monogamy so important? we should have the freedom to live our lives however the hell we want to without judgment from others. our relationships don't have to be exactly like heterosexual relationships.

    Posted by: brian | Sep 27, 2011 9:44:39 AM

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