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Patti Stanger Apologizes, Then Repeats Her Poisonous View of Gay Relationships to Joy Behar: VIDEO


After issuing an apology, Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger appeared on Joy Behar's show last night to do damage control over what she said about gay men on Watch What Happens Live.

Unfortunately, she pretty much doubled-down on those remarks.


P_stanger Stanger says that people missed the point on WWHL, that she was offering advice on an L.A.-specific gay relationship.

“Whether you're straight or gay, that's player town. Did I say all gays? I said the gays in Los Angeles.”

Stanger then tried to explain her advocacy work on behalf of gay men:

"For five years I have put gay dating on the map. Nobody ever did this. There was no LOGO then. And I did the NoH8 campaign, I was an advocate for gay marriage, I stood up there for my gay friends. I've got more gay friends than Carter has pills."

She then negates her L.A.-specific excuse by asserting that gays "all around the country" are shallow, sex-first, relationship-later individuals, and then insults the gay community on marriage.

Says Stanger to Behar (my transcript):

"In the show when we do the mixers, the guys are passing around the telephone numbers, they're sleeping with each other, even affter the millionaire gets the date he's sleeping with the pool of people. My (gay) friend...says 'Patti this is what it's like around the country.' This is the gay community. I said, 'I'm trying to curb them.' Now this is not the lesbian. The lesbian gets involved. They move in together. They're quiet. They're at peace. But the gay men. They whip it out at eyelock. They get involved, and then they find out later whether or not they want a serious relationship. And I hope they use the privilege in New York of gay marriage, because now they have it. And a lot of gays aren't getting married, even though they have the privilege."


Stanger and Bravo both released apologies earlier in the day.

Said Stanger: “I am so sorry.  I did not mean to offend anyone with my comments last night on Watch What Happens Live.”

Said Bravo: “Bravo regrets the comments expressed by Patti Stanger on Watch What Happens Live last night.  Her comments are not representative of the network’s beliefs and opinions.  We apologize for the offense it caused.”

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  1. Used to like you as entertainment, now you are getting on my nerves by throwing out generalizations and untruths. She always talke about females being non-agressive and ladylike to get a man yet she has more male energy and assertiveness than many straight males.
    Also, why would anyone trust her to fix them up? She asked a couple of questions and then makes a decision. If my hair stylist had bad hair, I would go to someone else. She is single and can't find a man for herself. Why trust this overblown, nasty, fugly chick with anything she says?

    Posted by: Mike | Sep 27, 2011 1:15:19 PM

  2. Sometimes the truth is hard to handle. Which is why I believe everybody is getting so defensive. I am glad somebody finally spoke up and wasn't politically correct. Everybody needs to stop acting so hurt and take a hard look in the mirror. She speaks the truth!

    Posted by: Jason Wonacott | Sep 27, 2011 1:58:04 PM

  3. This woman isn't very bright, but neither are most of the readers who have submitted comments. The behaviorial difference has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with being gay or straight. To the extent her pointless generalization has truth, it relates to male vs female instincts and behaviors.

    Does she really think that hetero men wouldn't have sex just as indiscrinately if women would cooperate? Honey, get over your silly liitle-girl romantic fantasies.

    And jaded gay men should give up their notion that gay men are fundamentally any different from straight men - even if they no longer feel "special"

    Posted by: bb | Sep 27, 2011 2:37:48 PM

  4. The problem isn't that we think ~all gay guys should be monogamous~. The problem is that she's invalidating any idea of gay monogamous relationships through her gross generalization.

    Are there gay people out there who just want to sleep around? Yeah. Is that a bad thing? No, provided their partners are fine with that.

    The problem is that she's insisting gay men can't form relationships, and anyone who sees this and doesn't know much may believe it. It doesn't do anything other than spread the idea that gay men aren't as "good" as straight couples because they can't have actual feelings for each other.

    It's not an issue of monogamy versus sleeping around. It's an issue of her making gross generalizations that don't apply to everyone and only serve to make us look like sex-craving fiends on all accounts, where we're every bit as varied as straight couples.

    Posted by: Yuki | Sep 27, 2011 2:52:01 PM

  5. she was not supposed to talk about the elephant in the room,
    while picking from the window – THE RULE IS : Only the ones in the room are allowed to speak about it,
    I would say to her credit, she didn’t create or put the elephant in the room, but she is guilty of opening her mouth

    Posted by: john | Sep 27, 2011 2:54:19 PM

  6. She's right... sorry... I did not find her comments offensive in the least. Sad, but true. She was simply saying that for her gay clients her rules on monogamy don't apply. People who are offended by her generalization are not in touch with reality...

    Posted by: Bud | Sep 27, 2011 2:57:06 PM

  7. Patti, your 15-minutes are up, please get off of the stage.

    Posted by: SFRowGuy | Sep 27, 2011 2:59:08 PM

  8. She hangs around the gay party scene, so I can see where her views are from. Frequent a gay club and see how many guys you'd find looking for a relationship as opposed to a f**k. You won't find many.

    Posted by: Bryan | Sep 27, 2011 3:44:56 PM

  9. The main problem is that she simply doesn't know any long-term, monogamous couples. It's pretty obvious or she wouldn't generalize like that. Much like straight life, there's the stay-at-home couples who enjoy each others' company and don't screw around, and there are single (or coupled) partying, bar-hopping types who do screw around.

    It happens in both worlds. She's just never hung around with the former type of gays, so she lacks the life experience to say anything intelligent about gays as a whole. It's gross generalization and she's pretty ignorant.

    But this isn't what pisses me off about her.

    What does piss me off is how completely shallow, tacky and idiotic she can be during her show. I guess that's entertainment for some people, but I stopped watching that crap early last year. I have better things to do than watch her horrible approach to try and hook up two losers with millions who can't BUY a clue.

    Posted by: johnny | Sep 27, 2011 4:10:21 PM

  10. It's not at all that "the truth" is "hard to handle"--it's the irony of her applying her own "truth" about relationships (which she herself doesn't follow at all) to all of our relationships, many of which succeed far more than most straight people's, including single Patti's, then applying false, condescending, simplistic judgments about us based on the lives of her sleazy clients, who are stupid enough to turn to a bad matchmaker for advice and abuse to score their 15 minutes. She doesn't have any truth to tell us, boys, that we either don't know or know better and with more depth than she does. Don't give clueless reality whores credit for being all truthy and and all fabulously un-PC when what they're spouting is obvious, dimwitted, and a desperate plea for attention. Mature people don't need D-list celebs to look in the mirror for us, we're quite capable of doing it ourselves, without the 50s mentality that she's attempting to paste onto 2011 relationships. No wonder she had to call off her own wedding after breathlessly bragging about it on her show.

    Posted by: Ernie | Sep 27, 2011 4:14:25 PM

  11. If Patti is lying, I wish someone would tell that to all the gay men I saw sucking cock and getting fisted at Folsom.

    Posted by: Rhydderch | Sep 27, 2011 4:46:14 PM

  12. Marriage isn't a privilege. It's a basic right.

    Posted by: Randy | Sep 27, 2011 5:19:42 PM

  13. @ERNIE.

    if you want to live a promiscuous life, fine that's your business. good for you - own it, embrace it. don't get all indignant when some blowhard points out what most of the world is already thinking. if you're fine with it, then why bother being so defensive?

    Posted by: jr | Sep 27, 2011 5:26:39 PM

  14. She is ridiculous. If straights have it so good why is their divorce rate/unwed mother rate thru the roof? Miss Patti needs to take a good look at her plastic surgery FACE and then tell me who's shallow!

    Posted by: Chicklets | Sep 27, 2011 6:55:30 PM

  15. @JR: I'm not being defensive, I simply think it's nutty--for reasons I've already explained--to view Patti's snappy comments as some kind of gospel truth, or insight.

    And it is indeed my business if I want to lead a promiscuous life, I just choose not to (not my thing), another reason why I find failed-relationships-Patti coaching me (in a relationship for 2 decades +), or any of he millions of gay people in long-lasting relationships, about curbing our bad gay selves idiotically condescending.

    It's just surprising to me that so many gay guys are willing to let a woman who thinks marriage is a privilege for us (and a right for her) define our relationship and commitment standards for us. She's basically questioning--in typical patronizing straight fashion--whether we're good enough for marriage to be our basic right. I think we are. My point has less to do with Patti than with the way gay people are so prone to submitting to a silly person's clueless interpretation of our lives.

    Posted by: Ernie | Sep 27, 2011 7:18:35 PM

  16. Not that it would valid, because the sample would be Towleroad readers who bothered to respond and not a random sample of all gay men, but it would be interesting for Andy to create a survey on this blog - who is monogamous, who is in a long-term relationship, who is promiscuous, who is in an open relationship. Because reading these comments, I suspect that there are a wide range of lifestyles amongst the readers. Which is why Stanger is so offensive. She stereotypes and generalizes from what she knows, which is apparently limited. For the people who are saying that she is speaking THE truth, you might modifying that statement to she is speaking A truth about some, but not all of us.

    No judgement intended toward those who live differently, but for those of us who are in committed, long-term relationships, it is offensive to have this person, who has a public platform, say that what we live everyday is just not possible, because we are incapable. My going on 25 years, monogamous relationship, and the relationships of many people who have posted here, say she is wrong. Yes, males are not necessarily engineered for monogamy; yes, we are engineered to spread around as much seed as possible. It doesn't mean that there aren't benefits to settling down, or that we are incapable of doing so.

    Posted by: TJ | Sep 27, 2011 8:17:41 PM

  17. Promiscuity is practiced by both heterosexuals and homosexuals. It simply cannot be pinned exclusively on gays. Period.

    Posted by: Jim | Sep 27, 2011 10:26:25 PM

  18. Gay men are not promiscuous because they're gay. They are promiscuous because they are men.

    IMO, she should probably just stop talking.

    Posted by: Laura | Sep 27, 2011 10:36:28 PM

  19. "She hangs around the gay party scene, so I can see where her views are from. Frequent a gay club and see how many guys you'd find looking for a relationship as opposed to a f**k. You won't find many."

    I think that's the essence of the disconnect, right here. If the only gays you see on a regular basis are those who primarily engage with other gays on the basis of partying, sex, and drug use, then you're going to have a particular view on how gay men are. She's not going to notice monogamous couples, because they're unlikely to share those noticeable interests.

    She may be right if the 'community' is considered to be a San Francisco/New York-centric circuit party where gays seek other gays to interact with. But if there's a larger definition of community, i.e. the population of gay men as a whole, then her conception - and those who agree with her - is fundamentally incorrect. There are gay men who work in every conceivable profession, who live any number of different lives.

    There are plenty who live monogamous lives, but they simply don't interact with much with those that don't. And as acceptance of gays slowly grows, why would they? If I don't like to party, go to clubs, or have multiple sexual partners, how much time am I really going to spend interacting with those that do?

    Nothing - absolutely nothing - binds gay men as a group beyond the our attraction to other men and our current status in society. Everything else is individually flavoured and should remain so.

    Posted by: Nat | Sep 27, 2011 10:47:31 PM

  20. Ummm...who out there is acting like what she said is false? Obviously not every single gay man is like that but many are. But that's a male condition in general. We're biologically wired to spread our seed. Culture and societal norms are what step in to bring us down to earth. If you've hung around single straight men they're not any different. Women (in general) just balance that energy out.

    Posted by: daws | Sep 28, 2011 9:48:10 PM

  21. Patti cake is pretty much right but I get the distinct impression her rant is rooted in jealousy.

    Posted by: Oliver | Sep 29, 2011 5:31:59 AM

  22. your just a product of your own environment.

    Posted by: nick | Sep 29, 2011 6:32:55 AM

  23. Just celebrated a 17 year monogamous relationship with my partner two days ago, so up yours, Patti. Now, prior to meeting my partner, I enjoyed the powers of my youth and the company of many men, but her statement is just crap generalizing.

    Posted by: Pitt90 | Sep 30, 2011 1:36:19 AM

  24. she has shown her tru stripes
    is now the most hated woman on tv and is
    facing cancellation.,


    Posted by: chytnia | Oct 4, 2011 2:44:16 AM

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