Comments

  1. Bryan B. says

    In response to the article from the NYT about Bergerson.

    On Bergerson’s website he talks quite a bit about cruising and hook ups. I think this is the problem. As gay men, the media and even our “community” often seems to value looks and sexual encounters more than meaningful relationships. It’s all good when you’re young, but at some point in life, without a stable partner or a life beyond superficiality, we will all end up with a sense of loneliness. For straight men, at least it’s more socially acceptable for them to have relationships with huge age disparities, but not so much in our case.

  2. TJ says

    So glad the link got fixed, cuz these is truly awesome! A must-see! For some of the album covers, there are no words that can describe the awesome.

    I want more!

  3. R says

    That Bergerson article was very depressing.

    A few years ago, I was terrified of hitting 30, which was once described to me as “the gay death.” Now that I’m a few years closer to 30, and — EEK — found a few grays, I’m not nearly as worried, but it took a while to get there.

    I’ve tried to remind myself that life isn’t a checklist or contest — that I’d rather just find simple ways of making me happy than making myself absolutely miserable doing crap I don’t want to do.

    Not every day is great, not every day is bad, and I certainly have regrets… but I don’t let myself live by them anymore. Mentally, I’m much healthier now than when I was younger.

    The things I cared about at 17 or 20 or 23 just don’t matter much to me at (almost) 28 anymore — and that’s helped me avoid a lot of the mental health pitfalls that used to plague me throughout my teens and early twenties, in which I battled depression and even considered suicide.

    In any event, I hope Bergerson has found peace, wherever he is, and I hope his family and friends will remember all the good he did in life and love that he had. Too often, when someone dies, especially with things like suicide, all we think about is the death or choice… instead of the life that was lived.

  4. TJ says

    As for the virgin boy urine egg story; as much as a believe in life-long learning, there are some things about which I wish to reman blissfully ignorant. This story is a poster child.

  5. MarkUs says

    Ha, The Worst Album Covers was very good. I’ve seen “Joyce” and “Let Me Touch HIm” before I think on DListed but “Jesus Use Me” just made me LOL.

  6. TJ says

    >sorry, I can’t resist< I do not like them here or there, I do not like them anywhere. I do not like urine eggs and ham, I do not like them, Sam I am!

  7. Kenneth says

    Sadly, Mr. Bergeron never found the love and acceptance he needed the most, his own. One does not need a “meaningful relationship” to be complete and content, on the contrary, one needs to be complete and content to have meaningful relationships. My thoughts are with those Mr. Bergeron left behind, and I hope his story helps others.

  8. TJ says

    R – wait til you hit your mid 50’s!

    It’s hard becoming invisible. It’s hard becoming “Sir,” and not in the fun way.

    But a life filled with so much more than looking young and pretty sure makes up for it.

  9. MarkUs says

    As I suspected the Worst Album Cover “Jesus Use Me” by “The Faith Tones” according to one blog I just looked at is an internet hoax and those really are guys. It sure is a funny cover.

  10. Mike says

    @R – IMHO 30-35 are peak years – if I could pick any age to be ‘forever’ it would probably be about 33.

    After 34 or 35 I definitely started feeling the slow physical decline – I’d be sore after exercise longer, not quite weak the peak I once could etc.

    —-
    re: Moscow – The city’s gay scene is surprisingly busy and accessible to all, with four well-established clubs and a smattering of bars and saunas— it differs little from the scene to be found inany other European city.

    Yeah – 4 well established clubs in a city the size of NYC. I.e the same scene to be found in European cities a tenth of its size.

  11. TK96 says

    The Bergeron story is sad beyond belief. There is life after 40. Great life! As a man who is 46, and happily single, I have faced the sadness of thinking I may be single forever. That the fairy tale lie of finding mister right is exactly that. So what? I have bigger fish to fry. Sex hook ups don’t have to be without meaning, and friends and chosen family are rich and valuable. Maybe I find a great dude to spend the next decades with and maybe I don’t. I am not as attractive to some as I may have been ten years ago but I am way more attractive to others. God knows I am more intelligent and interesting. Each day is a new adventure that I could not have predicted. Growing older is not for the weak. It is rough. But the rewards are great.

  12. says

    2012 Burberry Fashion Week was attended in Paris in Mar 12, 2012. The latest Burberry products such as Burberry bags, clothes were first shown in the world. As the fashionable

  13. says

    2012 Burberry Fashion Week was attended in Paris in Mar 12, 2012. The latest Burberry products such as Burberry bags, clothes were first shown in the world. As the fashionable

  14. Mike in the Tundra says

    @Bryan B. – It may appear that all gays value looks and sexual encounters more than stable, long lasting relationships, but that may be because the long term relationship couples tend to blend into the greater community. That’s because we have houses to take care of and often times children. My husband and I tried to visit one of the local bars at least once a month. Unless we ran into friends, nobody seemed to notice us. We didn’t really expect them to notice us. We were content with the way things went.

    Lets not criticize those who do not want a long terms relationship. That’s their choice and I bet they’re happy with it.

  15. jack says

    To each his own, said the old lady as she kissed the cows ass. One of the many sayings that my, long since gone, Irish immigrant grandmother use to say.

  16. redball says

    R, if anyone were to say to me that 30 is “the gay death” I’d be forced to assume they were either making a (bad) joke or a dumbazz.

    I turned 30 last July and got married this year. Very much alive!!

  17. TonyT says

    I read the article, and at the end Bergerson says that his book is a lie based on false information. And that he is “done”. Sobering. The act of giving up one’s obsessive vanity and accepting that it is time to move on to another stage in life is sobering, but it can (and must) be done. In the end, I guess he felt he could not let go of that image of himself. It is something that gay men hang on to because of the extreme societal pressure they live with, but it is no substitution for self-acceptance and growth as a human being. We must find a way to evolve as a society to facilitate gay men along the stages of life. Perhaps it is being done in a broad sense by the quest for civil rights and marriage. I wish Bergerzon could still be here to help make a difference.

  18. says

    Hey R — I’m 65. And I certainly haven’t been dead the past 35 years.

    Internet hook-ups are inherently dangerous. I’ts much better to meet people in real world — not the virtual one

  19. Susan says

    Why don’t you report on the gay whores who went to the Caribbean and decided to put on an animalistic show for the locals. All of the gay blogs, including this one, were making them out to be matyrs to the gay cause. Why don’t you show the photo of them debasing themselves for the sake of pleasure in full view of the locals in Dominica? You people are truly sad and I will be praying that you all become free of these disgusting desires. There is also this sick idea that this behavior is common among heterosexuals, please find me a photo of a married heterosexual couple having sex in full view of locals on a cruise, I will be waiting. Most decent women would never behave this way, only fallen women, aka prostitutes would do such disgusting things. If a straight couple behaved like animals I would condemn them too, but fortunately this behavior is not acceptable among most heterosexual couples, however, for gay men it is very much cheered on. I also have to admit that lesbians also do not behave in this way.

  20. TonyT says

    My point was that he may have been at a moment of realization and enlightenment, and instead of offing himself, he should have hung on. That is all. It was a depressing read.

  21. bcarter3 says

    The David Javerbaum piece on Quantum Mitt Romney is brilliant and hilarious. Thanks for linking!

  22. Mickey says

    The story of Bergerson is very sad to me.

    It makes the case that if you wrap your worth as a person around superficial aspects of life:attractiveness, wealth, body image, youth or position in society when those fail, which they usually do, you are left with only yourself.

  23. ggreen says

    Holy crap, this (Bergeron’s suicide) should spark a national gay conversation. What happens to lots of gay men when their looks, body or large penis no longer unlocks all those doors anymore? They are suicidal because they have no back-up plan. This reality of the mirror happens to nearly all gay men at some point and the longer you are in denial about it the worse the crash landing is going to be.

  24. Brad Willis says

    @DAVID EHRENSTEIN: So you thought you knew enough about Bob Bergeron after reading a New York Times article about him that you can deem him “deeply superficial” and, thus, blame him for whatever despair ultimately resulted in his death? How big of you, DAVID EHRENSTEIN. How very big of you to come on towleroad this morning and hurl insults at one of our dead brothers in the GLBT community.

    The difference between your take on Bob Bergeron and my take on Bob Bergeron is that I actually knew Bob personally. About 3 years ago, he hit on me in the most absolutely charming way I’d ever been hit on before. We ended up fooling around a few times and became friends through it. Yes, Bob was sexy as hell. In fact, Bob was about 10 years outside the range of what I normally find attractive, but, if we’d lived on the same coast, I would have dated him in a heartbeat. But not only was Bob hot–he was also wicked smart, had a mischievous quality about him that lent a perpetual sense of fun, was probably *the* most intuitive person I’ve ever met (and I’m a licensed psychotherapist myself, so I know loads of intuitive folks), and always, *always* knew what to say to someone to help them feel good about themselves. He came across as one of the least wrapped-up-in-his-looks gay men I have ever known.

    Bob and I discussed the topic of his book–growing older in the gay male community–several times. He was deeply interested in what it means to reach middle age in our community not simply because age is accompanied by a loss of physical attractiveness, but also because half a generation of men in his age group never made it there due to the HIV/AIDS pandemic. He found this intersection of the good fortune of growing old and the misfortune of loss of desirability, all juxtaposed against HIV, to be fascinating. And if you think about it, it *is* fascinating, not to mention troubling, that so many of the gay male community’s resources go toward making sure we reach middle age while the topic of what to do once we get there goes largely unnoticed.

    Bob Bergeron was so much more complex than that New York Times article made him out to be. Yes, he was good looking and sexy. But he was also funny, intelligent and deeply compassionate. And never in a million years would he have considered writing–on a public, nationally read website no less–insulting, hurtful comments about a recently deceased man who clearly had been suffering from clinical depression.

    You are despicable, DAVID EHRENSTEIN. I will never read a post of yours here on towleroad without having bile rise in my throat.

  25. says

    I had my rather long comment eaten up by Towleroad (this happens all the time, Andy). But rather than construct it from memory, I just want to know WHY is Bergeron’s obit published in the STYLES section of the Times? REALLY? REALLY?

  26. redball says

    Alejandro–after getting burned like that a few times, I now always copy to clipboard what I’ve written so that I still have it in case it goes MIA. :)

  27. says

    Re: Bob B, of course we can’t know if shallow values caused his death. But the evidence points to that. Working out every day at 23rd St.? In the heart of the ghetto? Loss of attractiveness is the main issue in getting older? Please.
    Ghetto values have been dominant for my entire adult life. Group think. Obsession with looks and bodies. Contempt for kindness and character. And contempt for the less attractive among us. Such values harm the community in many ways. But ghetto culture has not changed a bit in allm of those years. And it probably won’t change in our lifetime.

  28. says

    Wilberforce, I’ve been reading up on this story all day. It’s so complicated and brings up so many thorny issues I have no idea where to begin. Seeing some of his video blogs on YouTube left me scratching my head. I know many 40+ year old men (and I’m 38 myself) and I tend to date men over 40 and I just don’t have conversations with them about when we can stop taking our shirts off in public or whether being under 65 still counts as being young. He was clearly preoccupied with this sort of thing and I think the ghetto is clearly preoccupied with this sort of thing. Not that it’s a bad thing to work out (I do that regularly) and look nice, but it’s all about balance. I think this story touches on a tragedy that brings up “there but for the grace of God go I” feelings but it also brings up a lot of anger.

  29. Kenneth says

    In defense of David Ehrenstein, Brad, while you are correct in the assumption that Mr. Bergeron suffered from clinical depression – David’s description of him as being superficial is also correct. He buried all of those complexities, that depression, deep beneath a charming, beautiful mask. This is not an indictment of him. It is an observation. He never let on that there was pain and despair, had he done so he might still be here. As I said in my previous post, I feel for those he left behind, but one has to point out the fact that he knew help was available but chose not to pursue it. It could be assumed that it was vanity, pride, shame…only he knew the reason.

  30. redball says

    Wilberforce, I love that you mentioned ghetto values. It reminds me of my big group of gay friends who live in NYC and have a superiority complex about that (If I had a nickel for every Facebook status I saw from them claiming NYC to be the best city in the world….). And yet they are all single and complaining about that too. Looking “fabulous,” feeling miserable….

  31. TJ says

    The Bergeron article has created a lot of conversation. It probably deserved a separate posting. There are a lot of issues brought up – aging, lookism, developing a life versus a lifestyle. Objects of desire vary, and there is no one look universally attractive, but our culture in both the macro and micro senses (all people and gay people) favors the young and symmetrical and robust (evolutionary psychologists will point to certain universal proportions and features considered attractive and mating preferences, passing on genes, survival of the fittest). But as we live longer, we have to face certain realities, like aging. Despite the best regimens, skin discolors, loses elasticity; bodies lose muscle mass; hair turns grey, or turns traitor altogether.

    The party doesn’t last forever. Those who try too long, gay or straight, become parodies of their former selves, objects for derision. It might be helpful for everyone to focus on the life versus the lifestyle.

  32. says

    I’m not sure I particularly understand the “only the young and beautiful people are valued” comments.

    truly.

    the only reason such a thing could possibly be an issue is if people who don’t fit that image aren’t looking at others who, like them, don’t fit that image.

    i’m reminded of those preposterous teen films with the ignored geek complains that the Pretty and Popular girl won’t look at him. but what does he know about “her”, besides he aesthetic beauty and popularity? we’re expected to root for her to see the hidden worth in him, when he has no intention of seeing the hidden worth in, ya know, any of the other Non-Popular Girls who are likely to have more in common with him.

    If you base your life and your interactions on shallow criteria you cannot be surprised when one day you no longer fit it. you’re into smooth buff young hunky types? well, there’s an impermanence to that. with every year you’re one step further from it, and a new generation enters into it.

    what’s stopping these complainers from finding other partners like themselves? you can’t blame the “shallow young muscled beautiful people” for not looking at you when you yourself aren’t looking at “you” either.

    throw any insults at me that you like – i remain puzzled as to why people who themselves have a narrow view of beauty and “social worth” suddenly feel “victimized” that they no longer fit into that very narrow view of beauty and self-worth.

    we see it all the time. “Oh, I’m really into ________ guys, but they’re shallow and not into me because i don’t look like them”

    no. you’re shallow because you only like guys who like them.

  33. redball says

    amen, kiwi! the only thing i’d add to that: i think the mainstream gay community (the gay ghetto) celebrates youth and beauty even more than the wider culture has (to the point of hyperbole)–and this has been harmful for gay men and their ability to find true lasting self-worth and happiness that transcends beyond the superficial.

  34. says

    well, it exists in the “straight” communities, too. Kelsey Grammer trading in his wives every few years for newer younger models. Money can buy it.

    i think “gay ghetto” distracts from what it really is – Bar/Club Ghetto. there are indeed, in increasingly bigger numbers, “gay communities and ghettos” that are more than a collection of bars and nightspots.

    i think some folks, alas, don’t interrogate themselves enough when it comes to their life, attractions, interactions, etc. some folks enjoy being a “Bar Star”, as we call it. but thats’ like being homecoming king – nobody gives a flip a year later, there’s a new king in town.

  35. redball says

    yes, it definitely exists in the straight world. (i noted that in my comment, too.) gays have just taken it to another level, IMHO, at least in the bar/club ghetto, which seems to have a strong influence in certain communities (e.g., chelsea, nyc). i *love* the analogy to homecoming king…reminds of the prom king/queen as well. you’re all the rage one moment then you’re cast off just as quickly.

    i understand the allure of being a “bar star” up to a certain point–who doesn’t enjoy an ego boost, after all? but when you let that define you and go to your head, that’s not a good look, hunny! in my 20s i used to be up in the NYC clubs dancing till closing time, taking off my shirt & attracting attention with the best of em. then i went to grad school & got married LOL

  36. says

    Kiwi, I think there’s a more subtle criticism to be had here. I think many of us who fall short of the Bergeron standard (or the Anderson Cooper standard or the Neil Patrick Harris standard or the Aidan Shaw standard etc) are capable of finding sex, attention and even relationships with compatible people . . . but I think for some reason in the gay community these guys are put on such pedestals that they become the yardsticks we’re all measured by whether we like to be or not. There’s a lack of effective mentorship among gay men. There’s a dearth of variety in role models (why do our role models always have to be hot and butch?) . . . and not to mention a dearth in the variety of gay community building. I am VERY VERY VERY lucky I live in New York City where there’s a huge variety of subcultures inside the larger gay population, but guess what? It took me forever to find. I always felt I fell short of some particular standard or another.

    The other thing about the Bergeron story that gets me is this ASSUMPTION that everyone’s life peters out at 35-40. Speaking for myself, my adolescence through mid 30s were rife with insecurity, depression, self-destructive behavior. I never got to be the hot desirable morsel or have some massive life success or anything like that. I resent anyone telling me that it’s all downhill from here. I’m 38 and I need to believe that the best years of my life are ahead of me because I got my spiritual game on, my creativity is deepening, and my relationships and friendships are improving. When Bergeron is telling us in his video blog about when we can take our shirts off or not after a certain age, I feel he ceases to be any sort of role model or expert in my eyes.

    And ultimately, the biggest tragedy here is is someone who in my eyes is held up as the “perfect” gay man (hell, his suicide was reported in the Styles section of the Times . . . I still don’t know why no one’s talking about that) really didn’t have it together. How much of gay culture is blind leading the blind. How many of us are trying to emulate people we have no business emulating? And how much pressure was Bergeron under to hold it all together and present the perfect facade that he couldn’t even get help for his depression?

    Ultimately it seems that for many of us it doesn’t really matter what we achieve or do, in our own heads we’ll never be good enough.

  37. says

    Oh, and last time I saw Pretty in Pink, I was super mad at Molly Ringwald. After Duckie does that big production number for her in the record store and she still goes after Blaine, I was like “GIRL, WAKE UP!”

  38. says

    How quick they are to make excuses for low gay culture. After thirty five years of it, I only wish they could come up with something new.
    We’re jealous and want to be desired by the popular crowd? Please. The educated set have plenty of good looks. They just don’t have anything in common with the vast majority of ghetto queens for whom looks are everything, who actually have contempt for brains and character, and who treat the less attractive like dirt.
    Get over yourselves. No one is trying to jump your bones. We just wish you would be decent to people outside your clique.

  39. redball says

    alejandro, this passage you wrote is perfect and is something i’ve discussed a lot with my husband and our good friends:

    “but I think for some reason in the gay community these guys are put on such pedestals that they become the yardsticks we’re all measured by whether we like to be or not. There’s a lack of effective mentorship among gay men. There’s a dearth of variety in role models (why do our role models always have to be hot and butch?) . . . and not to mention a dearth in the variety of gay community building.”

    and the reason why “in our heads we’ll never be good enough” is because of all those things you wrote, which are so warped and in turn warp our priorities and values.

  40. says

    I hear ya, Alejandro. I lived in NYC for four years, and spend 6 months of every year living there – can attest to what you’re saying: there’s more to the “gay community” than Chelsea. or Hell’s Kitchen. there’s a thriving and diverse multitude of communities.

    i simply made a choice in my mid-twenties, and it’s a choice that involved a serious amount of self-interrogation.

    who do i want to “like me”, and WHY? WHY do i care about the perceptions or attention of __________. I think a lot of people refuse to do this. they think “i like what i like, i just do”

    wrong.

    as for people being put on pedestals – i dunno. sure, it does indeed happen, but they only have power if people refuse to interrogate themselves and their feelings.

    there are countless role-models for, literally, anyone and everyone that make up our communities – the problem is some people don’t realize they have their blinkers on. we hear certain gays complain that there are “no non-stereotypical gay male characters on TV”
    well, for more than a decade openly gay actor BD Wong has played gay characters on two highly-acclaimed TV Series. LAw& Order and OZ. Why doesn’t he get credit as being one of those “non-stereotypical gay portrayals”? I suppose it’s because he’s Chinese, and the complainers don’t think a Chinese gay man “counts” – why? because he doesn’t look like them. or something.

    In my early twenties I felt that pressure you’re talking about – gotta look a certain way to impress a certain crowd. That said, by age 25 I was bored senseless by my social life, I had to take responsibility for my own happiness and unhappiness. it’s not the fault of anyone but myself that i put more value on the opinions of some group rather than another that would have valued, or seen value and worth, in others aspects of my being.

    lil’ vid of me talking about that.

    we can blame communities, we can blame lack of role-models, but at some point adults have to be adults and intelligent people need to do the work to really think about who and what they are, and how they are about both.
    but asking people to stop and question themselves, their attractions and “what makes them happy” is a steep uphill climb. people would all too often not do that work, and choose to assume that “life just happens” to people – the reality is we’re responsible for whatever we bring into our lives, good and bad.

    some people work out at a gym, and are thrilled that suddenly they’re getting newfound attention.
    some other people respond to that ‘newfound attention’ the way that I did – resentment that it took 10lbs of lean muscle to get a guy to give me the time of day. i didn’t rejoice at the attention – i became aware of how little i thought of the people who’d suddenly taken notice.

  41. jaragon says

    I never met Mr Bergeron but I see men like him all the time in Chelsea or Fire Island- beautiful looking men who seem to have it all or at least everything our gay culture thinks it’s important; picture perfect lives but what is really going on inside their heads and souls. May he rest in peace.

  42. mary says

    This is the most interesting thread I’ve seen in my 6 months on Towleroad. After his great post months ago about the Westboro Baptist Church I never thought I’d see Kiwi reach those heights again. But he topped himself tonight. Not much more I can say!

  43. mike128 says

    What’s shocking is that the NYT’s writer is “shocked” that someone beautiful and at the height of his career could be depressed. Depression can hit anyone – and probably even more likely those who are working out at the David Barton gym daily.

  44. redball says

    Mike128: but it’s not just the journalist who was shocked–so was the ex-bf & parents. Everyone was shocked.

    I mean, it *is* surprising for someone to have clinical depression & for no one close to him to have even an inkling. Goes from surprising to downright shocking when it’s a **mental health professional** who deals w/ these issues on a regular basis professionally.

  45. TJ says

    REDBALL – actually not surprising at all. Mental health professionals are often very good at giving care because it is a familiar role from the family of origin. It is what attracts some to the field. Unfortunately, taking care is not always so automatic. It has to be worked on. The healer must be reminded to take as well as give, to allow themselves to be healed. Add in taking on the role of hero, and the expectation that heros do the saving and are therefore not the one who should be saved, plus the stress of dealing with so many problems on a daily basis. It’s why, as a professional, one is encouraged to practice the self-care one encourages in clients. It’s why one is encouraged to get counseling in the process of becoming a counselor. It is why one gets supervision in the process, to challenge motivations, to be aware of counter-transference, and to encourage one to get counseling when ones own “stuff” gets triggered.

  46. Jonathan says

    I knew Bob Bergeron for years, not well, but well enough. The point of view of the article is homophobic and offensive. While this may sound cruel now, Bob Bergeron was not right in the head for many years (and I knew him in his thirties until about 3 years ago). He had major altercations with my husband (a real therapist) over his “liberal” concept of therapy. Sleeping with someone and then treating them is not only ill-advised but it would lose you your license if any one of those patients brought it up with the licensing board. My last experience with him was when he picked a fight with my husband on the dance floor at Alegria and they had a heated horrible argument. After it was over he sought me out to explain to me that my partner of 8 years at that point was an “assh*le.” I just mention these things to show that he was not quite right in the head and that probably had more to do with his suicide than his aging. In fact, in person, he had barely changed at all in the years I knew him. He was adorable. Unfortunately his looks hid a darkness that he never dealt with. “Incredibly upbeat” people usually are hiding something. Sadness and anger are a part of a healthy life.

  47. Jonathan says

    P.S. Many people were not shocked about Bob’s death. It seems only those closest to him were clueless about his instability.

  48. Donald says

    I also knew Bergeron and in my mind the article got it wrong. He was a narcissist who came to the realization his book was not going to set the world on fire (and in fact that it was nonsense aimed at a tiny audience). It was such a blow to his belief that he was special that he couldn’t go on. Looks and aging had nothing to do with it.

  49. TJ says

    KIWI – BD Wong: >swoon< I just love the sound of his voice, and the twinkle in his eyes And I so can relate to your closing comments. In my early 20’s, I wanted to be attractive (objectively, I already was, but my lack of self-esteem kept me from realizing it). I spent a fortune on clothes. As I got more attention, I felt better about myself, which helped my self-esteem. Yet the stronger my self-esteem became, the satisfaction from getting attention for my looks lessened. I didn’t much care for the guys who were attracted to me, because it wasn’t the real me they were attracted to. I no longer wanted just to be the cutest little trick in shoe leather. I wanted a real relationship with a real person who saw the real me, not just the outer shell.

  50. says

    TJ, my brother, we walked parallel paths.

    😀

    And yeah, BD Wong is a freakin’ sexbomb. are y’all watching “AWAKE!”?!?

    it’s a-MAAAAA-zing.

  51. redball says

    touchĂ©, TJ, touchĂ©, about the mental health challenges of being a mental health professional. for all the talk of Bob’s mentor in the article, it’s a shame Bob never opened up even to someone like that.

  52. t says

    a couple of things:

    i know psychologists, social workers, marriage and family therapists, and counselors are licensed, but i’ve never heard of state-licensed psychotherapists

    also, does it take a whole day to check on someone who doesn’t keep the appointments he’s made at his apartment?

    as far as gay aging, it is essential to not define yourself in terms of the prettiness of your face, the size of your muscles, or how many tight tshirts you own. as informative as this blog is, i’m constantly astounded that it portrays the same shallow values that seem to have led to this man’s suicide (how many madonna items? really?)

    how about valuing learning, experience, wisdom, judgment, kindness, contribution, caring….

  53. peterparker says

    Licensing boards, such as those that regulate psychologists, social workers, marriage and family therapists, etc…, are controlled by the states. A licensed mental health professional is therefore licensed by the state in which they practice.

  54. NVTodd says

    My condolences to everyone that knew Mr Bergeron. He looks a lot like a guy I knew in his 30’s that checked out a few years back. I’ve known several people over the years that suicided.

    If you’d just talked to me, to someone, to us…

  55. rick scatorum says

    Why is the suicide rate three times higher for urban gay men than for men overall?

  56. TJ says

    FYI – Psychotherapist is a catch-all term. LCSW’s, LMFT’s, clinical psychologists are all psychotherapists.

  57. redball says

    rick scatorum: yes, public health scholars have noted for a long time now that gay men have a higher rate of many different mental health conditions than the general male population.

    it’s got nothing to do with being “gay,” per se (i.e., being sexually attracted to men).

    it’s all to do with the following partial list i just conjured up:
    **societal discrimination against gays;
    **family rejection & the lack of tight-knit family support that are much more common in the gay experience;
    **sexual compulsivity and sexual risk-taking;
    **HIV infection rates that come from that;
    **depression, drug abuse, & other stress responses to all the aforementioned.

  58. Jerr6 says

    All you youngsters out there. Do not be so concerned about “Finding your true love” before you are thirty. I was 52 before finding my Partner, and the wait was worth it. At 85, we are still going strong.