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Here's a Letter from a Dad Disowning His Gay Son


Reddit user RegBarc posted the disturbing missive, and writes:

In August of 2007, I finally built up the courage to tell my father I was gay. The moment I said it, the phone got quiet and he got off the phone after a few "Okay"s. I decided to give him time to process the news. About a week later, and not long before my birthday, I received the following letter:

"James: This is a difficult but necessary letter to write. I hope your telephone call was not to receive my blessing for the degrading of your lifestyle. I have fond memories of our times together, but that is all in the past. Don’t expect any further conversations With me. No communications at all. I will not come to visit, nor do I want you in my house. You’ve made your choice though Wrong it may be. God did not intend for this unnatural lifestyle. If you choose not to attend my funeral, my friends and family will understand. Have a good birthday and good life. No present exchanges will be accepted. Goodbye, Dad."

It's important to know just what this zealotry from Bryan Fisher, Maggie Gallagher, Dan Cathy, et al., does to everyday people. I've never done drugs, was an excellent student, an obedient child (far less trouble than many of my classmates), didn't drink until I was 22 because it terrified me, and have had just 1 speeding ticket in my life. Yet I am still seemingly deserving of this terrible act of hate and cowardice that one person can place on another. 5 years on and I am still doing fine, though this letter saunters into my mind every once in a while. When it does, I say without hesitation: F**k you, Dad.

It's an all too familiar situation for many LGBT kids out there.

He's right. The Dan Cathys of the world are giving tacit permission to parents to act this way. Shame on them.

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  1. Rat Bastard stated: "95% treat their gay children the same as they did before they found out he/she was gay, love them no less. "

    You have worked at youth shelters? Please I don't need to "assume" anything. Your statement above proves that you haven't. 1 out of 4 teens that come out to their parents are either kicked out or run from home (because of emotional or physical violence). You need to wake up Rat Bastard

    Posted by: Bryce Ageno | Aug 16, 2012 1:52:53 PM

  2. That letter just doesn't pass the smell test.

    Posted by: andrew | Aug 18, 2012 10:33:53 PM

  3. Never judge your own son for being gay!

    Posted by: Davahe | Aug 19, 2012 2:03:56 PM

  4. @J.M.E.
    You and your fellow bigots are the one's who need a wake-up call. Can you tell me what is ethically or morally wrong with two consenting adults in a loving relationship. No, you can't, because it doesn't hurt anyone. As for "spiritual" reasons we aren't supposed to base our laws on religions here in the US. You're free to believe want, but you can't use your religious beliefs to justify taking rights from others.

    Posted by: Logan | Aug 20, 2012 7:57:00 PM

  5. I understand what this guy has gone through as my father ran me out of the house with a shotgun, and told me if I ever came or brought my girlfriend to the house he would shoot me and/or her both. So I too just have to say F*ck You Dad!

    Posted by: Lo | Aug 25, 2012 8:56:13 AM

  6. And the Male gene determins the sexuality of the child. "Daddy", You made me what I am.

    Posted by: Jerry6 | Aug 27, 2012 10:20:31 PM

  7. I recently read an appropriate opinion:

    Having a Gay Child doesn't make you a Bad Parent... Disowning one Does.

    Posted by: Tom | Nov 7, 2012 1:46:07 PM

  8. WOW! this father is dealing with his own homosexual feelings they are repressed. No doubt in my mind about the father.. He needs to be HONEST with himself and with his son and admit that what he sees in his son is exactly his own feelings of a gad dad. and another point, the father and mother birthed the boy and those gay genes pass from parent to child...

    Posted by: Bobel | Dec 27, 2012 3:42:29 PM

  9. this is to the farther when u are laying in ur own piss and dyeing of old age and alone and u will not be a person to remember u will think of this day you sent that letter . if u where my farther i would hate u for ever and wish u die a most painful death of cancer u hypocrite big-it u , this is why gay don't tell family u all are not worth the hurt.. tell the nursing home get ur wheel chair ready

    Posted by: sean | Dec 16, 2013 11:59:30 PM

  10. As sad as this is, I have to defend the father on this. This letter does not mean he was a "bad father". We are all quick to forget that it is only OUR generation that was quick to accept homosexuality, our fathers & earlier generations LITERALLY had it BEAT into them that gay is NOT okay. This Father, by reading in between the lines, clearly loves his son, otherwise he wouldn't have written a letter, I speak from experience in reading my own cousin & several friends of mine who came out & ALL had far worse disowning conversations, one of which, their father REFUSED to acknowledge him as he was packing & leaving(as he told me, it was like his father "couldn't see me at all, like I never existed in the first place"). We shouldn't judge TOO harshly on this man, FAR worse could have done & said.

    Posted by: Jessica | May 17, 2014 7:40:15 PM

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