News | Rupert Everett

Rupert Everett: Gay Marriage is 'Beyond Tragic', Having Babies is 'Absolutely Hideous'

Rupert Everett clarifies his recent remarks about gay dads to Decca Aitkenhead at the Guardian:

Everett"For me, being gay was about wanting to do the opposite of the straight world, so I think that's where my problems in this particular area come from. For me, personally, the last thing I would like in the entire world would be to go through cocktailing my sperm with my boyfriend and finding some grim couple in Ohio who are gluten-free and who you pay $75,000 to have your baby. To me it feels absolutely hideous. But that's me, just me. I'm not having a go at gay couples who do. I think if Elton and David want to have babies, that's wonderful. I think we should all do what we want. Isn't there a middle way, where you can just say, 'Not for me, but it doesn't matter'? But no, everything's sort of turned into al-Qaida. I'm sure I'm going to be nail-bombed. David Furnish is probably going to send Patrick Cox with a bomb and blow up the theatre."

Everett adds, on marriage:

"Why do queens want to go and get married in churches? Obviously this crusty old pathetic, Anglican church – the most joke-ish church of all jokey churches – of course they don't want to have queens getting married. It's kind of understandable that they don't; they're crusty old calcified freaks. But why do we want to get married in churches? I don't understand that, myself, personally. I loathe heterosexual weddings; I would never go to a wedding in my life. I loathe the flowers, I loathe the fucking wedding dress, the little bridal tiara. It's grotesque. It's just hideous. The wedding cake, the party, the champagne, the inevitable divorce two years later. It's just a waste of time in the heterosexual world, and in the homosexual world I find it personally beyond tragic that we want to ape this institution that is so clearly a disaster."

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  1. Ad hominem attacks on a man that was once a gay icon don't address the points he has made. Name calling is easy; thinking, not so.

    Posted by: Perry | Sep 29, 2012 11:24:23 PM

  2. It seems that Towleroad with its choice of photo and headline is trying to make Rupert Everett some kind of villan, which he clearly is not.So many people who post on this site try to destroy the honor and reputation of anyone who doesn't echo the current politically correct opinions. There is almost as little room for diversity and variety of opinions on the left as there is on the right.

    Posted by: Andrew | Sep 30, 2012 12:51:00 AM

  3. Find his comments a bit funny and agree and disagree. Pretty much as I do with most people. While I think marriage rights are important I find that the focus on marriage tends to leave in its wake the need to also bring about change, openness, and awareness of what it is to be gay/lesbian. At times it seems as if once the magic wand of marriage equality has been waved that there's this belief that prejudice and ignorance will be erased.

    Posted by: KC | Sep 30, 2012 12:51:16 AM

  4. Dark sad twisted soul - with no concept of the wonder civil benefits we get here in America when even legally married at the state level.

    Posted by: rjp3 | Sep 30, 2012 1:25:02 AM

  5. And while he has a right to his opinion --- I have a right to mine that what he is spewing is dark negative unhappy energy.

    Posted by: rjp3 | Sep 30, 2012 1:26:15 AM

  6. A lot of you are completely missing the point here. It's not about him having a right to have an opinion; of course he's got that right!
    But by saying what he says, he's ignoring the whole reason for the fight for marriage equality: Equality under the law. It's about money, rights, and responsibilities. Not about having a big, fluffy wedding.

    And kids are not for him? Well, kids aren't for me either, but to ridicule people who go to great lengths to have a kid, something they've longed for (when does anyone ridicule hetero couples for wanting kids?), is just a$$hole behaviour.

    He sees the world changing; the gay community isn't that different from the rest of the world anymore, and just like the homophobes he's trying to push you back in the closet.

    Remember that when he says "Oh, it's just my opinion, it's just how I feel", the comment that started this was something a la "The worst thing that could ever happen to a kid would be to have two gay dads".

    And some of you are saying "he's got a point".

    Posted by: Tanoka | Sep 30, 2012 1:59:38 AM

  7. The whole interview on the Guardian website is worth reading. Some of Everett's opinions aren't popular, but he's far from stupid and his first memoir was one of the more thoughtful, insightful celebrity autobiographies I've read. I'm hoping the new one is as good. He's also a good actor, and I bet he and Freddie Fox are quite the stage couple as Wilde and Bosie in Judas Kiss.

    And I don't believe he has any obligation to censor his opinions, as long as he makes clear (which he does) that he's not speaking for anyone but himself. Loyalty and community should never require lying.

    Posted by: Prof Sancho Panza | Sep 30, 2012 2:04:16 AM

  8. I have a friend from grade school who made it very clear that she didn't want kids. She found a man that felt the same way, having already had some in a previous marriage.

    I've had two partners, and have called both my "husband" despite not being legally married. And I would have liked to have been married legally, but again, don't want kids.

    Not everyone is cut out to be parents. Heck, some folks that ARE parents aren't cut out to be parents. It's OK for Rupert to express his opinion, and it shouldn't be viewed as hurting our cause. Our true cause isn't to get married or to have kids - it's to be FREE to do those things if we choose to.

    Posted by: Kevin | Sep 30, 2012 2:20:10 AM

  9. Holy crap... I thought _I_ was a crank.

    Posted by: Randy | Sep 30, 2012 2:24:37 AM

  10. What I like about Rupert Everett is that he used to be attractive.

    Posted by: Mark | Sep 30, 2012 2:32:58 AM

  11. I think there's a huge part of the gay population that resonates with what Everett is saying. We've been sort of taken over by the Let's Get Married crowd, but when I look around me at my gay friends, only a minority of them are fit for marriage or want marriage--much less kids--for themselves. Sure, if you want to get married and have kids, that's fine, and I'll vote for the politicians and propositions that make that possible. But what I'm sick of is having this normatizing value imposed on me as the Maximum Symbol of what it means to be gay. I'm sorry, but marriage bores me and I'm not willing to be defined by my position inside it or outside it. When it comes to fighting for something, I'd rather devote my energy to gay healthcare and long-term-care issues, since these actually have meaning in my life. And I'd rather encourage my fellow gays and lesbians to be creative and brave than to put their energies into finding the illusory security of a dysfunctional social institution.

    Posted by: trecer | Sep 30, 2012 2:38:48 AM

  12. He still misses the point, its about choice. I agree that the normal straight church wedding is a horrible thing, clearly driven by the woman at the expense of the man. However gay people should be allowed to get married and do it differently if they so choose, do it better. We want the legality of it, not the stupid dress, cake and party after.

    His problem is that not every gay man identifies with his use of 'queen', especially the 'bitter old' variety.

    Posted by: Rovex | Sep 30, 2012 2:39:08 AM

  13. I'm in favor of "live and let live." If a gay or straight couple want to get married, in a church or elsewhere, or if they want to not get married and enjoy domestic partner rights, or if they want to have children or not, I say let everybody decide for themselves.

    Personally I think that marriage is an archaic and unrealistic institution, but if anyone on here wants to get married to their partner, I will say "Congratulations!" and buy you a gift (which will depend on me winning the lottery first).

    Posted by: Robert K. | Sep 30, 2012 2:45:49 AM

  14. I find it very hard to believe he's never attended a wedding.

    Posted by: BobN | Sep 30, 2012 3:10:38 AM

  15. I totally agree with him.

    This is NOT what STONEWALL was about.

    Gay rights today is about getting the full rights and conditions of a heterosexual lifestyle. Wrong in every way.

    We fought so hard for the right to be gay, not straight.

    The gay community, world wide reeks of it's own Homophobia. That you need to justify yourself to mainstream society.

    You all have lost your integrity, self-respect, pride etc in who you are. You will do anything to appease mainstream society. Even it means selling yourselves out to them.

    If in the future, there is great increase in gay related suicides. you have nobody to blame, except yourselves. As gay men will be suffering with a an identity crisis, not knowing whether they are allowed to be gay or straight.

    You all want us to conform and live a lifestyle that we don't want to live or be part of.

    This is the future of all of us gay men, and it is a tragedy. You will find that you have legitimised the past when gay men were forced to live in sham marriages and forced to have kids they did not want to have.

    But then again, if society can find a way for gay men to get married and live a normal life, it will find away. especially now, as you have decided that is what you want. Shame on you all.

    Posted by: radical53 | Sep 30, 2012 3:11:40 AM

  16. Seriously, RADICAL53? Shame on you all?

    Shame on you for fighting for what you want, or shame on you for wanting what radical53 doesn't want?

    Is it so proposterous to want both the right to marry AND the right to different? Can one not be married, yet different from mainstream society?

    Why not fight for both? Why not fight for your brothers' and sisters' right to CHOOSE?

    Posted by: Tanoka | Sep 30, 2012 3:28:40 AM

  17. What's missing from all this Everett coverage is his TONE, which is endlessly mocking, ironic and fascinating. He's a proper gay icon, like Crisp or Langston Hughes: a larger than life figure, a great failure in many ways and entirely entitled to have his own opinion about weddings (YES, they are disgusting: they are a disgusting waste of money and usually tasteless: a massive industry of pure kitsch). White roses: disgusting. Three-tier cakes: disgusting. Veils and silk dresses: disgusting. Rows of fancy little gold chairs: disgusting. A whole load of idiots in ill-fitting, off-the-rail morning dress getting plastered on a temporary dance-floor in some pink marquee or hotel function room: beyond disgusting. I agree. the legal thing I am for. We should STAY OUT of the industry and all that 'special day' garbage: it's grotesque and it's a con.

    Posted by: Steerpike | Sep 30, 2012 4:13:31 AM

  18. Plus he is also FUNNY nearly all the time. A and funny is a precious thing in this pathetic world of po-faced, pre-written vows.

    Go watch Louis CK. That is what raising a child is like. Agonizing, enriching, impossible and hilarious. There's a straight guy with a head on his shoulders and a big heart.

    We gays cannot lose our sense of humor or our ability to value those who don't completely agree with us: I didn't sign any manifesto and I sure as hell never got an agenda. I did not think that I was going to grow up gay to end up agreeing with some idiot homosexual who says that they 'value their Christian faith' at some PTA in condemning Rupert Everett for being too louche and Byronic. I grew up gay so that I could BE Rupert Everett.

    Posted by: Steerpike | Sep 30, 2012 4:20:42 AM

  19. Silly old queen.

    Posted by: Nancy Horrigan | Sep 30, 2012 4:58:49 AM

  20. I have to say that I agree with Rupert Everett on a number of his points.
    We are gay, GAY! that means, no kids, nada, zippo.
    I don't feel any burning desire to have kids, never have never will.
    As for marriage, pffftt.

    Posted by: Sarcastic Medved | Sep 30, 2012 7:34:45 AM

  21. All the articles I have read lately about this guy make him sound like the saddest and most bitter man -gay or straight. His opinions are as valid as anyone else's. They just sound so self-loathing.

    Posted by: noteasilyoffended | Sep 30, 2012 8:34:08 AM

  22. Had he expressed his opinion simply, that would have been fine, but to denigrate the decisions other people make about having a marriage and having children indicates that he is either a publicity whore or a jerk.

    Posted by: joe | Sep 30, 2012 8:39:02 AM

  23. He may have meant to just state his opinion, but when you say "Having two gay dads is the worst thing in the world", you definately didn't word your opinion very wisely.

    And if he really thinks that the issue of gay marrige is about getting married in a church... well then he's just really clueless.

    I wonder if it is hard to go through life being this bitter...

    Posted by: Lee | Sep 30, 2012 8:43:59 AM

  24. So, he doesn't want to have a surrogate mom bear his child. What about adoption? As to marriage, don't want a church wedding--don't have one. And I agree with the comment that the headline is very misleading.

    Posted by: PJW | Sep 30, 2012 9:10:38 AM

  25. My husband and I of 26 years looked at bitter jaded lonely gay men like Rupert and then made sure we were 100% the opposite. He is of course entitled to his opinion, although many seem confused and twisted to conform to his particular views and not reality. There is a huge difference between a marriage and a wedding, and since same sex weddings IN churches in England are not allowed I'm not sure which ones he thinks people have been having. Or even here in the states.

    In the end Rupert seems to be the perfect representation of the 70's gay man who crashed out of the closet but never managed to be glad he's gay. I've not wanted to be anything else. There I think is his problem. It's not the institution, or the having babies, but seeing others thrive and be happy where he cannot. Maybe I'm wrong, but that article doesn't say happy life to me. It says angry and bitter.

    Posted by: Michaelandfred | Sep 30, 2012 9:33:17 AM

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