New York | News

20-Something and Gay in NYC: VIDEO


Filmmaker Blake Pruitt explores the experience of the gay 20-something through a series of interviews with out New Yorkers. How does it jibe with your experience?


20MALEGAYNYC from Blake Pruitt on Vimeo.

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  1. Dan E. : I don't know if I'm a gem or not, but I know what I know re. out-of-towner-gays from years of experience.

    Posted by: Yupp | Dec 12, 2012 3:32:55 PM

  2. Francis : I thought studies show that where there's more poverty (inner cities) there are more anti-gay hate crimes.

    Posted by: Yupp | Dec 12, 2012 3:36:07 PM

  3. The next time I think I would like to be in my 20s again, I'll watch this video and I will be cured of this feeling.

    Posted by: SMD | Dec 12, 2012 3:41:36 PM

  4. Dave : There's nothing wrong with being genuinely "effeminate" (in all the variations and degrees of that) but the triouble with out-of-town gay men who move to NYC is that they insist you HAVE to act effeminate, or else you're somehow bad or wrong (you'll definitely never get hired at any gay business, in any case). Try being one of those guys who appears heterosexual (according to other gay men who say "I thought you were straight") and go to a place like the NYC Gay Center and see the cold-shoulders and dirty looks you get. And THAT'S what's really unfair.

    Posted by: Yupp | Dec 12, 2012 3:42:00 PM

  5. I'm 22 and just moved to NY from southern Maryland. I don't think these guys understand how great it is to live in an area with so many different people. Sure, there are some gay guys I didn't hit it off with, but I've made some great friends here. Very appreciative of living in the city.

    Posted by: Trey | Dec 12, 2012 3:47:32 PM

  6. Trey : Why the f--k would you move here? Baltimore wasn't good enough?

    Posted by: Yupp | Dec 12, 2012 3:49:03 PM

  7. Having just read HOW TO BE GAY by David Halperin - which I highly recommend - this makes me very sad. They're so desperate to separate themselves from being called gay, or God forbid, fem. Don't they know that it's the queens who always dare to stand up for our rights?

    Read this book:

    Posted by: jj | Dec 12, 2012 3:58:52 PM

  8. Yupp, you're right, poverty is also a major factor, but most poverty stricken inner-cities also tend to be socially conservative on the issue of homosexuality, at least. They both sort of feed off one another, or at least are two individual reasons that partly/fully make up the overall reason why inner-cities tend to be more homophobic and hence, have more hate crime incidents.

    My point still stands, though. Social conservatism begets hatred for gays which leads to hate crimes. Poverty itself doesn't make someone hate gays.

    MarkT----You're welcome!

    Posted by: Francis | Dec 12, 2012 4:37:03 PM

  9. beautifully ironic. gays boys who fit what most would deem to be "gay stereotypes" complain, cluelesslys about said stereotypes.

    dear boys, you're young. you're saying the same things i used to say when I was a gay Newbie, before I had my @ss handed to me by older and wiser LGBT people who'd been Out for wayyyy longer than me.

    they need a dose of legit queer history. they need to read The Velvet Rage and realize they're all still stuck in Stage 2.

    and rather than railing against Lady Gaga, what can that kid specifically say that HE has proactively done to give support and encouragement and hope to LGBT youth?

    if you're gay in NYC and cannot find "your scene" it says nothing about "other gays" and everything about you.

    NYC doesn't have a "gay scene" - it has DOZENS, and they exist in more than just bars and nightclubs.

    it's pure confirmation bias.

    ever heard the term "I don't want what I haven't got"?
    you can't complain that you don't feel "a part of something" when your mindset each day is to not want to be a part of something.

    hey kids, call me in 10 years and see if you feel the same way.

    but at least this video and the responses to it will hopefully wake these boys up, and the others out there like them who are, gallingly, choosing to be miserable.

    no empowered and confident gay man uses the term "straight-acting".

    btw, "masculinity" is like "Cool" - to be it, one must first not want others to think that they *are* it.

    Posted by: LittleKiwi | Dec 12, 2012 4:52:43 PM

  10. Not bad. I only rolled my eyes three times. Btw, how did they not manage to interview a single black person.

    Posted by: Charles | Dec 12, 2012 4:53:43 PM

  11. @Charles, it's a video made by a guy featuring his tiny circle of friends.

    groupthink nonsense.

    incidentally, the "i'm into guys" excuse for not saying GAY is a no-win.

    you can choose to care about how people label or perceive you, or you can choose not to.

    one way means you'll spend your whole life apologizing for who you are, or don't want to be, and the other means you life freely.

    it's amazing that people choose the former.

    and anyone who says that "gays in NYC demand that you act effeminate" only proves me right - that's an excuse you tell yourself for your own self-annexing from the communities.

    NYC has so many gay men and so many gay scenes and such diversity that if you cannot find your crew, you're just languishing miserably in your own self-imposed exile.

    why on earth anyone would move to NYC to do that is beyond me....

    Posted by: LittleKiwi | Dec 12, 2012 5:00:13 PM

  12. I wish the post had a little more context. According to an Advocate piece, the director interviewed his friends. He then wrote a follow-up piece in which he seems pretty dismayed by their negative attitudes and complaints about gay "stereotypes". He recognizes the self-hate and wants to open up a dialogue about why it exists:

    Posted by: KT | Dec 12, 2012 5:03:08 PM

  13. dear Dave, wrong.

    there is no such thing as a cultural feminization of gay men. that's nonsense that insecure homosexuals who live in fear of What Straight Men Think say in order to, cowardly, deflect bigotry away from themselves and onto others.

    ten bucks says your 25 year old @ss can't put a face to your comments.

    learn at least something from the "effeminate gays" you clearly have learned to take such issue with - emulate their refusal to worry and live in fear of what straight bigots think.

    until you do that, you're no man at all. just one more boy who blames others for his own lack of courage.

    but you're young. if you allow yourself the room to grow then you will.

    The Velvet Rage. Stage 2. Get beyond it.

    Posted by: LittleKiwi | Dec 12, 2012 5:03:53 PM

  14. Good observations,David.

    The tired old culture of effeminacy was a product of oppression. As oppression lifts and as "straight" men become more open to and desirous of emotional intimacy with other men rather than with women, the stigma attached to homosexuality will abate.....and young men who find themselves attracted to other young men will no longer be pressured by society to consider themselves less than masculine for being so attracted, will not therefore internalize that idea......and will therefore not feel compelled to act the part of a less-than-masculine individual.

    Sexual expression will be regarded as an integral PART of masculinity and the male experience rather than something outside it and alien to it.

    This process is going to take some time--one does not eradicate the accumulated cultural detritus of generations in one single generation--but it is happening.

    Some observed that some of these young men who express distaste for effeminacy are effeminate themselves.....and to some extent some of them are.....but one has to remember that the ill effects of a homophobic culture have impacted all of us to some extent, even if we are not entirely conscious of it....and some of the less conscious aspects of effeminate behavior will have been instilled at a very young age and are difficult to rid onesself of.

    But this is a snapshot of a culture in transition and change is messy. The important thing is that the culture of effeminacy has lost its legitimacy with the younger generation and even if they are not able to overcome its lingering effects completely, they are moving in the right direction and see it for the artificial construct and self-destructive force that it is.

    In time, you will be unable to distinguish a young man's sexual orientation by observing his behavior....a natural masculinity will be the norm for all.....and that will represent real progress.

    Posted by: Rick | Dec 12, 2012 5:04:28 PM

  15. dear gays who complain about effeminacy, prove that you are what you claim you want other people to see.

    URL. show yourselves.

    *crickets crickets crickets*

    Posted by: LittleKiwi | Dec 12, 2012 5:11:26 PM

  16. And by the way, those of you who are attacking these young men are only doing so because they are speaking truths that are painful to you because they are so real.

    The truth is that NOBODY finds effeminate men sexy--NOBODY. Certainly incluging effeminate men themselves.

    When have you EVER seen an ad that read "No masculine guys please" (I am sure we have all seen thousands that specified No fems please). When have you ever heard anybody say how turned on they were by sissies? When, even on this site, have you seen any effeminate man held up as a sex symbol? That's right, you never have. When have you ever seen a big queen in the centerfold of a gay porn magazine? That's right, never.

    As one of the young men observed in the film "Masculine guys are attracted to other masculine guys"......."and feminine guys are also attracted to masculine guys".

    Effeminacy is attractive to NOBODY and never will be.

    So please don't lie and pretend that it is. You all know the truth. Yes you do.

    Posted by: Rick | Dec 12, 2012 5:14:13 PM

  17. LittleKiwi : Wrong, again. You're a Canadian. You don't know. You might have visited NYC, but it has ONE gay scene (not many, as you claim). And it does demand you behave effeminately, or...just forget being part of it: you will NOT be hired at a gay business, nor invited to any gay functions (from birthday parties to fundraisers). I've been quite shocked at the people who were excluded from certain events just because they didn't have the gay "accent" or just, somehow or other, appear "heterosexual" to most gay men (whatever THAT means).

    Posted by: Yupp | Dec 12, 2012 5:14:43 PM

  18. Rick, if there's ever a mad man shooting people in a New York City urban mall you'd better hope there's a Gay male make-up artist/salesman there to save your azz.

    Posted by: Derrick from Philly | Dec 12, 2012 5:15:46 PM

  19. Derrick : Why not a straight male make-up artist or a gay SWAT team member? (Stop stereotyping!)

    Posted by: Yupp | Dec 12, 2012 5:19:07 PM

  20. I lived in NYC for five years. Sorry, sugar.

    you're full of s**t and you know it. these are the excuses you tell yourself in order to remain Annexed. Congrats.

    even a cursory trip to NYC would clue one in to the reality that a great many gay establishments, from bars to restos to clubs hire STRAIGHT MALES TO WORK THERE.


    Posted by: LittleKiwi | Dec 12, 2012 5:21:25 PM

  21. most of the "fem" guys i know are in LTRs.

    but if pretending they're not makes you feel better about being a closeted wannabe-masc singleton, then keep it up!

    Posted by: LittleKiwi | Dec 12, 2012 5:22:50 PM

  22. Five years ?! Yeah, right. Don't buy it. And if you tell me of the many gay "scenes" in NYC you're making things up, trustfund baby. (Werk!)

    Posted by: Yupp | Dec 12, 2012 5:26:58 PM

  23. "most of the "fem" guys i know are in LTRs"

    i.e. after being rejected by everybody on a Saturday night because nobody is into sissies, they go home to the apartment they share and bump "pu$$ies" together while listening to a compilation of "diva" sountracks--Judy, Bette, Barbra, Cher--and then go cry themselves to sleep in a bitter rage.....

    Posted by: Rick | Dec 12, 2012 5:28:56 PM

  24. Their motto is "It gets worse!"

    Posted by: anon | Dec 12, 2012 5:47:52 PM

  25. Bitches, please. I came out at 15 in the 80's and yes while the "fem guys" at first made me was the "flamboyant" "queens" that taught me about self respect, standing up for myself...and warning me that older guys were gonna try and tap my twink ass and not to let them (which not coincidentally helped keep me HIV negative).

    Posted by: QJ201 | Dec 12, 2012 6:00:03 PM

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