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Dad Saves Gay Son Trouble of Coming Out with Letter: 'I've Loved You Since You Were Born'


A letter posted on the Facebook page of FCKH8 is getting a lot of attention this morning:


I overheard your phone conversation with Mike last night about your plans to come out to me. The only thing I need you to plan is to bring home OJ and bread after class. We are out, like you now.

I’ve known you were gay since you were six, I’ve love you since you were born.

- Dad

P.S. Your mom and I think you and Mike make a cute couple.

While its provenance is at this point unknown, the sentiment is one I'm certain many LGBTQ teens wish they could hear from their own families.

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  1. Very touching.

    Posted by: Matt26 | Mar 15, 2013 10:32:03 AM

  2. Stuffed Animal, I don't want to make you feel as though you are being jumped on by the whole board, but the notion that inclusive language is somehow a threat to the alt-sex community is a foolish stance to take. Since the 90's that Q stood for Queer (a label which people assign to themselves for varied reasons) and has since been used to stand for both Queer and Questioning. The hope is that those who DO struggle with their sexuality, or who do not feel they fit rigidly into the category LGBT, will not feel that they have been excluded or ostracized. Further, both gender and sexuality are largely social constructs reinforced by a need for rigid labeling of social groups. That you dismiss gender-fluidity or the notion of multi-sexual identities shows that there is still a need for such inclusive language (the hope being that conversations such as this one will come up).

    Posted by: Will | Mar 15, 2013 10:46:24 AM

  3. My favorite part, besides the PS, is his "That's cool and, by the way, pick up some OJ and bread on the way home" nonchalance. It's a twist on the old, "I'm gay and could you please pass the po-tah-tos" Thanksgiving dinner coming out scenario.


    Posted by: TampaZeke | Mar 15, 2013 10:47:04 AM

  4. Stuffy hates the word Queer, even when we self-identifying Queer folks use it to, you know, SELF-identify and be empowered by it.

    but click on stuffy's link and see his blog - he's also a complete Jesus-freak who thinks non-Christians go to "Hell" - so he's not exactly sane and rational.


    Posted by: Little Kiwi | Mar 15, 2013 10:55:19 AM

  5. It's almost embarrassing to struggle with coming out only to find out that everyone knew from the start--all that planning and worrying for nothing. It removes all sense of control from the child, which is one of the few advantages to being in the closet.

    It's a dirty little secret, but parents don't uniformly love their children, and a lot of that love is or can be misguided, particularly if the parent wishes to control every aspect of their kid's lives. Controlling the sex lives of their kids is one of the most misguided things that parents try to do, and it never works. The parental narcissism on display is the opposite of love, as the parent really only cares for themselves. They also never regret their decision or admit to error, regardless of the psychological damage to the child. This happens to kids gay and straight, the damage to straight kids is often way more subtle though.

    Posted by: anon | Mar 15, 2013 10:56:43 AM

  6. Amazing. Perfect parents. Perfect reaction.

    Posted by: Francis | Mar 15, 2013 11:06:11 AM

  7. Wonderful parents.

    Posted by: Adam | Mar 15, 2013 11:15:14 AM

  8. If dad had told his son to come home for the beating of his life the kid could have run away and become a great novelist. As it turns out we don't really need novelists as much as we need healthy men to marry one another and live happily ever after. I love this story and can't see enough of those marriage videos.

    Posted by: UFFDA | Mar 15, 2013 11:22:51 AM

  9. Shorter ANON:

    "Dammit Dad! I had a speech prepared and everything. How could you be so selfish?"

    Posted by: Acronym Jim | Mar 15, 2013 11:34:13 AM

  10. This makes me happy!

    I came out at...16 or 17, I think. My parents were shocked (which was surprising to me), but they took it pretty well. The worst part about it was seeing my mom's initial reaction (she cried), but mostly it was just hugs and reassurances of unconditional love.

    Today my mom keeps a little rainbow ribbon pinned to her purse.

    Posted by: Lucas H | Mar 15, 2013 11:36:37 AM

  11. @Stuffed animal - you're deranged. Hasn't this blog blocked you yet? JMG got rid of you (which to this day the other commenters are so grateful you're gone) You add nothing to a conversation.

    Posted by: Jonathan | Mar 15, 2013 11:56:18 AM

  12. Something like this makes me happy that I have lived so long.

    Posted by: JackFknTwist | Mar 15, 2013 12:22:21 PM

  13. Not to completely defend Stuffed Animal, but I, too, have never been a fan of the use of the word "queer" as a label for gay people. Unlike the word "gay," "queer" has historically had a negative definition as "strange." I don't now nor have I ever referred to myself as strange (nerdy, yes) especially because of my sexuality. Personally, I would like to see the discontinuation of that word, but that's just my opinion. However, unlike Stuffed Animal, I wouldn't be opposed to replacing "queer" with "questioning" in LGBTQ.

    Posted by: Keith | Mar 15, 2013 12:47:02 PM

  14. I don't want to diminish how great this response was, but a lot of parents are accepting.

    My brother is more stereotypically gay than I am. My parents were expecting it from him. I was the surprise, but I came out first, when I was 17. I told my dad that I'd heard of parents who kicked their gay kids out of the house and that had been one of my fears. He started crying and told me he'd rather cut off one of his own arms than lose me.

    That was way back in the 1980s. If parents really love their children, not just as clones or reflections of themselves but as actual people, they often do come through.

    Posted by: Caliban | Mar 15, 2013 12:53:30 PM

  15. queer - unusual, distinct, from a different point of view, unique

    self-identifying queer folks, like myself and others, are empowered by this.

    i don't understand how someone else could possibly have a problem with me, and others, SELF-identifying as Queer, as well as gay.

    Posted by: Little Kiwi | Mar 15, 2013 1:01:19 PM

  16. I told my son the day he graduated from College," Today is the first day of your new life. What ever path you take. whether it be white, black,woman with kids, it's fine with me I will accept your choice in life. He told me he was gay about 8 yrs later and I said what took you so long..

    Posted by: A Rainbow Mom | Mar 15, 2013 1:36:28 PM

  17. I could just cry with happiness until this is so matter-of-fact that I don't need to cry anymore. Are we there yet?

    Posted by: StevyD | Mar 15, 2013 1:55:01 PM

  18. Beautiful letter.
    Not to ruffle to all powerful feathers of those who occupy and dominate the comment threads on this blog but I too do not appreciate the label of QUEER. It's not necessary. You want to call yourself queer because it empowers you fine but don't force it on me. I am out and proud and have been since I was 19 so please don't call me troll either, I identify with Uncle Arthur so i am not some self loathing closet case, I understand glbt and admittedly struggle with why I am lumped in with the T but I get it, together we are stronger and all that jazz but by this "Q" logic we should be LGBTQHJKRFTMNFED....., where does it stop? at some point those who are "questioning" need to figure some things out on their own knowing that there are those that will accept them, without becoming a label for me. Call me queer you may as well call me a faggot, I don't care what the dictionary says. And LK I usually agree with your posts and point of view but your little too aggressive on this one regardless of what SA's blog says. We chat on blogs about this kind of stuff and then we allow rentboys to writhe around on top of limo's down 5th ave in g strings representing us at Pride. I have nothing against rentboys but I don't want them representing me to the world at large and I don't want to be labeled QUEER ANYMORE. Besides nobody knows what the hell it means anyway! We can be inclusive without making sure we don't leave anybody out on the GD letterhead.

    Posted by: nefter | Mar 15, 2013 2:15:48 PM

  19. that is just_plain_AWESOME!!

    Posted by: ACe | Mar 15, 2013 2:47:27 PM

  20. I personally prefer the term "queer" over "gay." Gay means silly and frivilous, certainly not like my life. Queer has an attitude about it, tells people not to mess with me.

    Posted by: denis | Mar 15, 2013 3:43:44 PM

  21. Stuffed Animal: LGBTQ generally is not for queer, but for questioning. Even if you take the Q to be queer many gays embrace it rather than take it with scorn. You need to open your horizons a bit.

    Posted by: Joseph Singer | Mar 15, 2013 3:49:38 PM

  22. yeah except when "people" are calling you queer they are messing with you.

    Posted by: nefter | Mar 15, 2013 3:58:20 PM

  23. Made me a bit teary, made me happy, restored my faith in humanity..... a little!
    but Nate is definitely a lucky guy.

    Posted by: SitgesFrog | Mar 15, 2013 4:19:16 PM

  24. I'm not going to beat you up, Stuffed Animal, but if you've really never heard of questioning straight teens, you should consider yourself lucky. As the only out guy at my high school, I had twisted pseudo-"relationships" with three questioning guys, all of whom now identify as straight, and the whole thing left me f*cked in the head. I really should have left it alone until college, where there would be other bona fide gays and I wouldn't have to deal with some Kinsey 2's who had no problem hooking up as long as no one else knew about it.

    Posted by: Sam | Mar 15, 2013 4:52:45 PM

  25. Such a beautiful act, hard not to tear up reading that letter

    Posted by: DL | Mar 15, 2013 5:03:31 PM

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