Matthew Dempsey | News

Matthew Dempsey Would Like You to Take a Stand Against Shame: VIDEO


Psychotherapist Matthew Dempsey is back with a new video about shame and vulnerability. Are these things that you're having issues with?


Matt_dempseyDempsey adds this call to action to his video:

If you've taken the time to watch my video you know shame is a common human emotion and can cause great harm to us and our relationships with others if kept bottled up inside. Luckily, shame is also something we can manage and significantly reduce. You don't have to let it rule your life any longer. It's time to take action!

Today, I challenge you to share a difficult story with a friend you trust, post your own video on YouTube about a time you were ashamed, or try the approach that has worked for me and post that picture (you know the one) to your Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram accounts (be sure to include the hashtag #bevulnerable). Join me in taking a stand against shame!

If you're interested, check out Dempsey's other videos on comparing and despairing, gays who are judgmental, and the need for validation.

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  1. On NOOOO.. Not this guy again! The Stuart Smalley of the New Age I'm Good Enough Gay community. So annoying.

    Posted by: Mango | Sep 11, 2013 9:45:37 AM

  2. Ugh. Frankly, the problem is some people don't have enough shame... or that folks like this think pop psychology should be dispensed via youtube.

    Posted by: SPOT | Sep 11, 2013 9:46:49 AM

  3. Oh dear. Guessing this one's going to 5 pages of comments.

    Posted by: crispy | Sep 11, 2013 9:51:47 AM

  4. He's handsome.

    Posted by: MARCUS BACHMANN | Sep 11, 2013 10:01:23 AM

  5. This guy sure is purteey
    Why else to explain the obsession that AT seems to have with him
    If he were less comely doubt he’d be on here as often as he is
    That said, this dude’s credentials aren’t so impressive as his self promotion tactics –
    According to his website – which I checked when he was first on - he’s got a masters in ed psych from hunter or tc – or maybe it’s an msw –
    I mean really, to call your self a psychotherapist with those credentials says a lot –
    As does his incessant marketing of himself -
    To state the obvious – AT would not be be flogging this dude if he were 40, overweight and with a receding hair line .. . . and he’s at best marginally qualified to dispense advice -

    Posted by: j | Sep 11, 2013 10:16:21 AM

  6. Wait, is this the guy that said "It's like when you book a regional commercial but then your friend books a NATIONAL commercial..." He is so out of touch with the real world. I can't tell if these videos are sincere or a joke.

    Posted by: FernLaPlante | Sep 11, 2013 10:17:11 AM

  7. I see he still wears plaid.

    Posted by: Joe in Ct | Sep 11, 2013 10:23:24 AM

  8. I agree -- people wouldn't be taking his advice or giving him a look if he wasn't so primped and beautiful. And doing this weird marketing thing, where you use other peoples' insecurities for your own self-promotion? "Use my hashtag on all these different social media platforms!" It's kind of sick.

    Posted by: jake | Sep 11, 2013 10:29:26 AM

  9. Excellent. Very thought-provoking. Moving.
    There's absolutely nothing wrong with the photo of himself as a very young gay man on the beach - he looks so happy and alive. We should ALL be that happy. Besides, the "awkward" young man turned into a beautiful swan - and we all are in our own way.
    Very helpful video because we all suffer from internalized homophobia
    Thanks Matthew and Andy for the great video. I'm going to watch it again.

    Posted by: David From Canada | Sep 11, 2013 10:29:41 AM

  10. @fernlaplante has it correct. Handsome guy living in a West Hollywood bubble. Couldn't care less about gays living in middle America just trying to be safe. It's an exercise that only feeds his own narcissism. He should just go into porn, the gay dream job.

    Posted by: Bill | Sep 11, 2013 10:33:00 AM

  11. @david from Canada, you are either someone who works for this site or a PR person. Please lean how to write conversationally. No one says "I'm going to watch it again" why would anyone write that? Unless they are hoping to convince readers to watch multiple times. It's pitiful.

    Posted by: Bill | Sep 11, 2013 10:37:14 AM

  12. Calling himself a psychotherapist seems like a stretch with his actual degree.

    West Hollywood based. Ok explains it all.

    Posted by: lotusmoon | Sep 11, 2013 10:40:54 AM

  13. this video is great, and a big improvement over the previous one. Humanizing it by presenting a relatable and personal story is much better way to connect than the "regional commercial" example. This one is compelling and those who take a pause from hating him for being attractive will find it thought-provoking.

    of course we're still in for 5 pages of cunty comments from people who discount him based on how he looks out of fear that he might do the same to them.

    Posted by: Dan B | Sep 11, 2013 10:43:09 AM

  14. His credentials aside (which I don't know about), this video isn't "new age-y" or out-of-touch with the "real" world at all. In fact it's very similar to the book "The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World" by Alan Downs.

    Posted by: Caliban | Sep 11, 2013 10:43:26 AM

  15. What awful comments!!! You guys are simply jealous of him because he's handsome and intelligent. If he were parading around in a Speedo bathing suit, I could see your point. LISTEN to him: he's trying to help people, and for that I give him high marks, alone. He seems very sincere and thoughtful - and you people need to work on your own internalized homophobia. Stop seeing him as a threat because he's a gay man who is handsome and intelligent.

    Posted by: David From Canada | Sep 11, 2013 10:49:19 AM

  16. David, really? You're going to do that like middle school girl response? Whenever she recieves criticism "you guys are just jealous!!"

    Posted by: jake | Sep 11, 2013 10:55:56 AM

  17. Flames, on the side of my face.

    Posted by: Shoshanna Shaboomboom | Sep 11, 2013 10:58:35 AM

  18. It's just funny because to most of us, all this is common sense. But I guess some people really don't understand the fundamentals.

    Posted by: Jack M | Sep 11, 2013 11:15:16 AM

  19. @jack M - therapy isn't about helping the masses, it's about helping individuals work through individual problems - even if they are fundamental

    Posted by: Dan B | Sep 11, 2013 11:17:20 AM

  20. Yes, it is commonsense; and yes, many people lack commonsense.

    Other side of the coin: some [many] people don't have enough shame. Shame isn't necessarily a bad thing. Some times it's deserved and appropriate.

    He is real purty-like.

    Posted by: ratbastard | Sep 11, 2013 11:18:56 AM

  21. Dear haters,

    You can be a psychotherapist and have a masters degree. There's no inflation of credentials here. Stop being so silly.

    Posted by: Joel | Sep 11, 2013 11:19:20 AM

  22. I stand with David on this one: just because he's good-looking (if not my type) and from West Hollywood doesn't mean that he has nothing to say. Go back and play this again, and don't look at him (except that joyful picture from the beach), just listen to his words. Really listen. (And yes, this does dovetail with "The Velvet Rage.")

    I know I've been in that exact mindset he's described, and when people on Facebook or the real world dig up unfortunate (that's the only word) pictures of me age 11-14, my first instinct is to do just what he did--I react with disbelief/horror, then oftentimes anger, and it all comes out of shame: me flailing around 40 years ago, not even realizing at the time I was gay, just somehow "different," and that "difference" manifested itself in some pretty bizarre ways. It took a LONG time for me to put all of the broken bits of "perfect" ceramic into a new collage that I was happy with, and I still feel like it's an ongoing process. You really do have to like/love yourself if you're going to love other people.

    So even though these videos tend towards the sticky, I'm glad they exist--I've been working in middle and high school classrooms for almost eight years, and guys, there are a lot of very, very broken and angry kids out there who don't know how to love themselves, or believe that they are worthy of love. Anyone trying to rectify that in this world gets major points from me.

    Posted by: Dback | Sep 11, 2013 11:29:58 AM

  23. While I understand the earnestness of the video and despite him being photogenic and trying this type of medium to dispense advice, all I can think of when getting rid of shame for people who feel overburdened by it in their lives, is my experience with the two women whom I've encountered who were supposedly incredibly shy or had inferiority issues and were given this same advice by their shrinks--they took it all the way and became raving, manipulating, cold bitches because their shrinks told them to. Working with them was a nightmare, trying to be friends with them, they stabbed you in the back...just awful.

    People who are shameless - think Lindsay Lohan or Amanda Bynes -- need more shame in their lives. His advice, while not really bad, is sooooo broad that I'm more than sure alot of people will take it to mean that boundaries don't exist in their lives and they can do whatever they want. Those people in his audience that really need help for their insecurities need more of a piecemeal and step-by-step approach to overcoming their "shame" rather than a one-time broad pronouncement--he should have mentioned that this advice needs to be a prelude to going to a shrink and getting further treatment.

    Posted by: woodroad34 | Sep 11, 2013 11:35:29 AM

  24. People take advice from the quack Dr. Phil, who is not a looker, so looks might have less to do w/ it than simply being a niche player. Dr. Oz is probably a better case of popularity based on looks though.

    Shame is the "social awareness" emotion, and articulates violations of social norms. However, norms can be situation based, so shame can be out of whack with the situation you find yourself in. It's probably a fairly new emotion and thus more likely to vary from person to person. This is quite different than fear, which is probably the oldest emotion and seems very consistent from person to person.

    Posted by: anon | Sep 11, 2013 12:06:14 PM

  25. @ David from Canada, I'm with on this. My Psychotherapist, looks, acts, & talks like Mat Dempsey, & has light eyes. He has helped me look beyond my own shame about sex. He will help through my hate of the catholic church. Just this week end the mission in S.F. had a band, & I got out of my sick bed to boo them. It took a bit of courage for me to do so. Being an ex-pat of Canada I wish U well.

    Posted by: terryp | Sep 11, 2013 12:39:06 PM

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