1. toolz says

    Re: sex. It wasn’t painful for me. I don’t think it’s valid to assume that it would be painful, the first time, for everyone.
    Gay sex is just sex btw.

  2. Dave says

    For shame! Think of all the guys on the fence, reading this article and thinking, “extreme pain?! better stick to the va-jay.” Bottoming was not painful for me either, maybe due to a good partner and some passion.

  3. johnny says

    That pain is the reason a lot of gay men don’t do anal. Depending on the person, there may be a lot or very little pain receptors in that region. Some of us simply aren’t built for it, so it’s “Exit Only”.

    Besides, there’s a lot more to sex than bottoming.

  4. Rob1977nc says

    Receiving anal sex for the first time can be “really f-ing painful” if your first time is with a really thick/girthy guy who doesn’t use enough lube and pushes it in too fast. Otherwise, WTF?!?!?

  5. Lymis says

    It wasn’t “extremely painful” for me when I first started solo ass play, and it certainly wasn’t painful when I first had sex with another man.

    A caring partner, plenty of lube, realistic expectations, and a little bit of extra time, and there was barely even discomfort – and what there was was over almost immediately.

    I swear, every time I hear straight people talking about gay sex, it makes me feel they’re telling me more about the way they have sex than the way we do. And it sounds pretty awful.

  6. Kieran says

    It’s about time Hollywood stopped glamorizing gay sex on the Big Screen. Aren’t we all tired of seeing all those erotic, orgasmic gay sex scenes in American movies? Enough already! LOL

  7. disgusted american says

    Anal sex is for perverts.

    Posted by: Adrenan P | Oct 15, 2013 8:35:51 AM

    GROW UP Ahole….and try telling that to the MILLIONS that do it….aight. Educate yourself.

  8. says

    Well I’m glad it was all roses for you sloppy bottoms (I’m KIDDING!), but the first time for me really DID hurt, at first. After that it was fine, but if you’re going to portray someone losing their virginity it’s probably good to show some physical discomfort.

    I assume that one of the “other films” Krokidas is talking about is Brokeback Mountain. Don’t get me wrong, I liked the movie, but c’mon, in the first sex scene Heath Ledger spit in his hand and POW! just shoved himself in. In reality those majestic mountains would have have been echoing with “OWWWWWWW!!!!!! Jesus effing Christ!” for the next hour.

  9. says

    Like heterosexuals, we LGBT people have a variety of intimacies we can share with one another. I´ve only been a bottom once (my own willingness) and I didn´t like it. I was raped once (I was drunk and vulnerable) and I hated it/him…I have been sober for almost 35 years, since age 35, and I love sex (it just took me a while to get-over my self-consciousness and enjoy myself/others freely).

  10. Profe Sancho Panza says

    Like Caliban, I also thought the director’s obvious point of comparison was Brokeback Mountain – the first time I saw the sex scene, I was thinking, “Oh, come on, really?”

  11. Dastius Krazitauc says

    That was all very eloquent, but being anally penetrated isn’t *gay sex*. Gay sex *can* include that, but so can straight sex. Or you could have gay sex and be the top, or not do anything anal at all.

  12. Mastik8 says

    Hurt like hell and it put me off it for years. That plus the trouble of clean up beforehand took the spontaneity out of it. Of course, I never stopped trying. lol. You can be a card carrying homo without anal – no one will change the password or secret handshake if you decide you’re not into it.

  13. enough already says

    It wasn’t the least bit painful for me the first time. Nor was it the 1000th time.
    But then, I chose the guy I wanted to deflower me carefully and he proceeded with the same caution I had in deflowering him the day before (he had only a bit of discomfort).
    So, I take that director’s warning with more than a grain of salt.
    Good lube, go slow, communicate, no problem.

  14. Pete N SFO says

    Some people are bad at sex; straight or gay.

    If it hurts, you ain’t doing it right, okay???

    C’mon, Daniel… I’ll show you how it’s done.


    And again, why do they always interview straight guys about playing gay… when was the last time a gay-actor had to go on about playing straight. jeesh!

  15. Charlie says

    Vaginal sex can be quite painful the first time. (Or so I have heard.)

    My first time bottoming I found it to be mostly and unpleasant irritation. My first time as a top my partner found it to be a very unpleasant experience. That is because I didn’t know what I was doing and my partner who was more experienced didn’t want to tell me what to do since he didn’t want to own being gay. Lots and lots of lube, who knew? They should teach this stuff in high school.

  16. Timothyd says

    I love Daniel — but not every gay person has painful “gay sex”. Never understand why everyone assumes all gay people have anal sex, which is what I have to assume he is saying.

  17. Jerry says

    It was certainly uncomfortable for me the first time. But the guy and and I were both twenty and it was the first for both of us. Now Im 42 and I know about it.

  18. jomicur says

    Note to Daniel Radcliffe and his director: Anal sex isn’t painful at all, if you’re doing it right; in fact, it’s just the opposite, highly pleasurable.

    This is the first thing I’ve heard that makes me think it might be a good idea to skip this movie. Oh well…

  19. Name withheld says

    There’s no doubt it CAN be painful, and maybe for some guys it’s painful the first time (but isn’t this what we hear about women losing their virginity as well???). But speaking only from personal experience, my first time was not painful, it was absolutely wonderful. (And my partner–30 years later my husband–has a VERY big one.)

  20. James says

    “Isn’t painful at all” is as stupid as saying it’s always painful. And being in love with the person has nothing to do with it. (As for the pain never being shown, the director needs to watch the original “Queer as Folk.” As for Brokeback, I don’t remember it seeming painless at all, at least for Gyllenhaal. Just the opposite. And it wasn’t presumed that it was Jack twist’s first time, only Ennis’s.)

  21. BGKev says

    Uh, why is it so hard to believe that it’s different for different people? Not everyone is anatomically the same. Some people have hemorrhoids or other conditions that make it painful all the time. Others don’t.

  22. Cam says

    Just means that the guy with Daniel didn’t take enough time and do his prep work properly.

    As for it being painful…he may want to talk to a woman who had sex for the first time with an unbroken hymen.

  23. raul415 says

    I love Radcliffe and I love the way he has dealt with all of the stupid questions about playing a gay man however.

    He stepped into the old, old double standard about the pain associated with anal sex. Even in scholarship one can read about the pain of the passive male in sex.

    What this really lays bare is one of the most terrifying things about being gay for str8 men.

    The lose of “power” and perhaps worse, the notion that a man has allowed himself to be treated sexual as a female.

    Most of us are social ingrained with these ideas, including many gay men, so it is no wonder that Radcliffe could so easily make such an offhanded comment.

    Educate yourself!

  24. skepticalcicada says

    OMG what is with the straight man presuming to instruct us all about how painful gay sex is!?

    Too bad John Krokidas had such a bad experience his first time. He should consider being less epicly self-absorbed and stop universalizing from his own problems.

  25. Zlick says

    Well, thank goodness we’ve arrived at the stunning conclusion that virgin anal sex hurts for some people and not for others. What a newsflash that! I’m honestly wondering though whether a painful reaction isn’t more appropriate for the 1950’s time period of the film – when perhaps all the ins and outs, so to speak, of best gay sex practices were not quite as available and likely to be applied in poor Radcliffe / Ginsberg’s case.

  26. FFS says

    Clearly, the explanation for what’s wrong with the world is just as I’ve suspected, all along. Too many people go through life without ever getting well and properly shagged. Astounding.

    A painful experience is indicative of one and one thing only. The top is completely clueless about what he’s doing. That’s as true on your 1st as it is on your 1,000,000th time bottoming. How sad that so many people have such pathetic sex lives.

  27. Graphicjack says

    My first time was really, really painful. The jerk was rough and I was too shy and naiv eto speak up about it. After that, I have found great pleasure from bottoming occasionally, but it always hurts at the beginning… Just need to pull out, relax, then try again… After that, there’s usually no issue. And yes, like many people who posted, I’d say I only have anal (as either the top or bottom) maybe 10% of the time I have sex… And I generally reserve it for guys I’ve been with a few times and/or have feelings for. There’s a lot of trust you have to have with anal, both in terms of the pain and with safer sex. And for me it makes it a more special connection than if I was just f$;king every guy I was with.

  28. Sam says

    Realizing that Radcliffe was taking direction from Dir. Krokidas as any good actor does and perhaps the painful sex scene was for dramatic effect, overall is this an ignorant and blatantly irresponsible portrayal of virginal gay sex, especially to younger and impressionable viewers of this film. This is much of a fallacy as first time heterosexual sex resulting in immediate pregnancy. Shame on Krokidas.

  29. GregV says

    I’m surprised that Daniel Radcliffe, who is generally so enlightened, would fall into making such an inaccurate blanket statement, even if the gay director is ignorant enough of other people’s experiences to imagine that his own unpleasant sexual experiences would mirror everyone else’s.

    To suggest that gay sex is always painful (“especially the first time”) is so ridiculous that Radcliffe should intuitively know the director is full of cr@p.

    A lot of gay men (and gay women) have never tried anal sex (which CAN be painful for some people — including, obviously, straight women — in some circumstances), though it is certainly not always painful every time for everyone.

    And other sexual activities that gay people are far more likely to engage in the first time they have sex (as well as subsequent times) are not likely to hurt much unless a person is dealing with Peyrone’s syndrome, sharp teeth or long, sharp fingernails (probably more of a hazard to straight men!)
    I’ve heard straight women say their first sexual experience was painful, but I would never assume that every sexual experience is always painful for every straight woman — even if a naive and sex-phobic straight woman claimed it is so.

  30. Josh says

    Anal sex isn’t painful? These people saying it isn’t are deluded. Thank you Daniel for setting the record straight and honestly. This is the most questionable part of gay sex for straights to understand.. Who really wants to stick it up someone’s poop shoot? It’s all simulation. This is where gay male sex gets unmasked.

  31. Tim says

    Talking about anal sex not being painful is one thing. Receiving it is another. It’s not a feeling I would seek out. It’s a mood thing. Maybe twice a year on some kind of drug.

  32. Patrick says

    Adrenen IS a closet case and didn’t use enough lube on that dildo.He is probably ticked off he didn’t get any real penis broke off in his cakes!! Why does Towleroad (YES,Andy-I’m calling you out) and the other gay sites fawn all over the straight guys having gay sex? I haven’t seen ANY of these sites interviewing us gay men about having straight sex. Which would be heinous.

  33. DW says

    Whenever the fundies natter on about “practicing homosexuals” I just think, “I don’t really need to practice anymore — I’ve got it pretty well down by now.”

  34. Starch says

    Very ignorant comment from the director – around 50% of teenage girls surveyed in the USA lately said they had experimented with anal. So its not just “gay sex”.

  35. DDM says

    My first time receiving wasn’t painful. I have to say, though, that from time to time it can be painful if it has been a while. I was in a four year relationship where we were both versatile. He was nicely endowed, but it almost never hurt most likely because I got used to it. Sometimes it hurts and others it doesn’t. Even if it does, it’s not for long. Pull out, wait a sec, then go at it.









  38. David says

    Honestly the first guy I had sex with thought I was lying about being a virgin, apparently I took it that well.

    Granted I did my research before having sex for the first time.

    I’m not going to say that I’ve never had pain when bottoming, most of the time though it’s because the other person doesn’t know how to top properly (IE goes in too quickly and too fast).

  39. Paul B. says

    I love reading all these comments. I love that green suit and shirt/tie combo. I’ve loved getting f’d and I’ve hated getting f’d. It hurt like hell and it felt like heaven. Isn’t diversity just a blast and aren’t we all happy to be evolved enough to know that each & every one of us is unique. I don’t enjoy painful sex but that isn’t to say I don’t understand that someone could. Ditto for bottoming, sucking, swallowing, rimming, tongue kissing & getting smacked around a bit. It’s all on the menu!

  40. Rich says

    I was given the same advice as Daniel before my first time (by a woman friend FWIW), and in the period where the movie takes place there was certainly less accurate discussion about sexuality is general, so it is likely to me that the same advice that was given to the actor was given to the character in real life.

  41. RedOnTheGreg says




    You’re an ignorant ass.

  42. Rin says

    The whole “gay sex” is painful thing confused me. Do they mean -anal- sex? It COULD be painful, but that depends upon the person, and other *cough* factors, and the sex of the person bottoming OR topping is irrelevant (there are such things as toys.) But the same can be said of -any- sexual penetration. Very confused. He’s a brilliant actor, so I’m looking forward to seeing this, but this bit left me rather confuzzled.

  43. Charles Kruger says

    Painful? WTF? This is an incredibly stupid and ignorant remark. Rape is painful. Gay sex between two men who care for one another, take their time and have concern for their partners is not painful. Certainly not “incrediblly painful” as opposed to straight sex for the first time. Makes me not want to see this movie.

  44. Tarc says

    Yeah, sorry, but if you’re receiving anal sex and it’s painful, your top (or you) are doing something wrong (or the top is bi, and you have to take more time). Relax, practice, toys, lube, quick pre-clean… something is missing.

  45. theotherlee says

    Wow.. lot’s of “heated” comments about Dan, and his apparent need to have “obvious knowledge” on receiving “gay sex”.

    One, although Dan is an awesome straight ally, I don’t know that he has had those kinds of detailed discussions with a broad sample of gay men, to know that it differs from person to person, and even experience by experience. He’s a 24 year old straight guy, taking the word from a gay man, directing him to express the *reality* that anal sex can be painful.

    Two, it has to be acknowledged that in the 50s you didn’t just go to the local sex shop (or go online) to buy the “generous amounts of lube” that would make a first-time experience less painful. More often than not, I believe spit *was* the general choice for lube.

    Three… seeing as we haven’t seen the film yet, do you think it’s possible that the top in said scene may not have been the most gentle?

    Why are there so many that can’t seem to think rationally here?? Though I believe Caliban had the best post.. lol

  46. Daniel says

    Radcliffe’s discussion of “gay sex” sends two very bad messages to those who have not yet had “gay sex”. First, it makes it seem that it’s normal for anal sex to be painful. It’s not, as many on here have noted. The same is true for vaginal sex or any penetrative act. If it hurts you’re simply doing it wrong, or possibly that you just aren’t wired to enjoy it (which is true for a small proportion of people). Second, it makes it seem that “gay sex” is “anal sex” and specifically the receptive role. Again, it’s not true–I’d even guess that the vast majority of gay sexual encounters do not involve anal sex at all.

    The other problem is the assumption that Allan Ginsberg’s first time was a painful experience, that he was the bottom, etc. Unless there’s evidence to back it up, that’s ascribing a particular experience of being gay as if it’s universal.

    I appreciate the desire for authenticity and think Radcliffe is a great guy. I hope that he gets more than just feedback from this director.

  47. anonymous says

    I’m female, and I rather enjoy anal sex. It didn’t really hurt the first time, but my partner was not huge and he took his time. The next guy I did it with was a bit bigger and I still enjoyed it. Seems to me my first time with vaginal penetration hurt a lot more. I say go for it!

  48. Whatever says

    It’s not painful if you educate yourself on how to do it right, and do it with someone who actually gives a f*ck about you.

    You can’t just stick it in and go.

  49. steve talbert says

    Anal sex is painful to the receiver for very specific physical but MOSTLY MENTAL reasons.. 1. EVERYONE has 2 sphincters. Most people open the first and either forget or don’t know about the second one about half inch in.. and the work to open that is what hurts.

    2. If you don’t use enough lube, the friction can hurt your membrane.

    3. Some people have small holes, and some people have large fat ccks.

    4. The curve of the cck can hit into the side of the intestine/rectum and hurt from pressure… but you con’t have nerve endings inside, so “hurt” is mental.

    5. Because of control issues, different people have more comfort on their back, on their stomach, on their side, sitting down.

    6. Men have prostates, which have nerve endings and feel good when rubbed. Women don’t. All people have nerve endings around the hole. So humans are made to have man on man sex. There is no other reason to have the prostate feel good when rubbed.

  50. iain hamilton says

    Thanks for sharing, Leonardo (I have 33 years). Your comment meant a great deal to me.
    As for young Daniel – well, the only disappointing thing about Radcliffe’s observations is the assumption that anal sex = the only sexual/erotic activity available to gay men. It is of course, an activity that straight couples enjoy too, and I remember a study of sexual behavior in the UK, about 10 years ago, found that *more* straight than gay couples engage in it, but that it is, nonetheless, a minority sexual practice among both straight AND gay couples. About 8% of heterosexually-identified couples declared their regular enjoyment of anal, compared to 6% of gay-identified men. Which sounds about right to me.
    KILL YOUR DARLINGS, btw, is brilliant, I saw it at a Los Angeles screening last month. Cannot recommend too highly – even if Jack Huston is miscast as Kerouac, Ben Foster is superb as WS Burroughs. Radcliffe is a marvel.

  51. jamal49 says

    Um, Daniel, honey, I really love your work and I think you’re as cute as a button but my first time was not painful at all. It was with somebody just a little older than me and more experienced and he really knew what he was doing and how to do what he was doing. He did it very well. I don’t know where you get that the first time is always painful because it doesn’t have to be so, um, if you’d like, I’d be glad to show you.

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