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Florida Man Files Motion To Marry His Computer Filled With Adult Videos


A man named Chris Sevier (pictured above) has filed a motion to intervene in the Florida gay marriage case of James Domer Brenner et al., v. Rick Scott — a case seeking state recognition of Mr. Brenner’s Canadian same-sex marriage, because Sevier wants to marry his porn-filled Apple computer.

Sevier ostensibly filed the motion “on behalf ‘of other minority sexual orientation groups,’ and argued, “if gay couples have the right to marry their object of sexual desire, even if they lack corresponding sexual parts, then I should have the right to marry my preferred sexual object."

In his filing, Sevier continued:

Recently, I purchased an Apple computer. The computer was sold to me without filters to block out pornography. I was not provided with any warning by Apple that pornography was highly addictive and could alter my reward cycle by the manufacturer. Over time, I began preferring sex with my computer over sex with real women. Naturally, I 'fell in love' with my computer and preferred having sex with it over all other persons or things, as a result of classic conditioning upon orgasm.

But before you go thinking that Sevier represents that next wave in sexual freedom and human-computer relations, you should know that “in the filing, [“Sevier states] ‘sexual orientation’ never existed as a classification until President Obama came along to advance his ‘social agenda to make America a 'gay nation.'"

The Broward/Palm Beach New Times reports:

This seems to be part of his MO, clogging the legal system with ridiculous claims and troglodyte thinking. Chris Sevier sued Apple because it sold him a computer without telling him about the evils of porn. Chris Sevier sued A&E after it fired Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson after he was caught spewing antigay talk. And just recently, Chris Sevier tried to butt his way into Utah's gay marriage legal case. In a 50-page motion, he claimed he was there to make the court "put up or shut up" on the gay marriage issue.

The federal judge overseeing Florida’s marriage case has tossed Sevier’s motion stating, “the motion has no place in this lawsuit.”

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  1. So basically...he is a crazy person.

    Posted by: FernLaPlante | May 6, 2014 9:46:44 AM

  2. your computer is too old for you, and needs to be updated

    Posted by: mattincinci | May 6, 2014 9:46:49 AM

  3. I wonder how he expects the computer to give it's consent.

    Posted by: Mike in the Tundra | May 6, 2014 9:48:31 AM

  4. @FERNLAPLANTE - Oh yes crazy, but also STUPID and that's a sad combination. I am sure that somehow he thinks he has made a brilliant argument, sad really.

    Posted by: rjinva | May 6, 2014 9:51:49 AM

  5. Internet troll is also a troll in real life, which is called sadism.

    Posted by: ppp | May 6, 2014 9:52:39 AM

  6. Confusing people with objects must be a new mental disorder. I hope he gets the help he needs.

    Posted by: Jay | May 6, 2014 9:53:29 AM

  7. I say let him. Then maybe his computer wife will nag him into dumping all his friends to stay home and watch cheesy sitcoms and chick flicks with her all day, safely out of the way of us normal people. Sorry, I meant stay home to whack it all day, safely out of the way of us normal people.

    Posted by: Mousie | May 6, 2014 9:56:45 AM

  8. Well, it's obvious that his computer is the only one who can marry such stupid human being.

    Posted by: jjose712 | May 6, 2014 10:04:09 AM

  9. This guy is actually brilliant. I love how some on here are saying he has some sort of "mental disorder." I remember they used to say that about gay people. Society back then thought you obviously had a mental disorder if you believed that two men or two women could marry each other.

    So who gets to define who we can be attracted to? And therefore, who (or what) we can marry? If marriage is about "marrying" the person of one's sexual desire, as the gay-rights movement has reclassified marriage to be, then no one here has any real basis to say this guy has a mental disorder.

    Sometimes it takes satire like this to demonstrate just how crazy the gay rights movement has pushed things. It's moved beyond just showing decency and respect towards gay people and our abiility to have same-sex relationships. Nope. We had to take-over the Institution of Marriage and redefine Western culture's long-standing definition of it.

    This guy is brilliant. I love it!

    Posted by: Jon | May 6, 2014 10:04:19 AM

  10. Ahahaha!! A crazy person in Florida. You go for it, buddy. Marry that sexy Apple computer. Then sure for divorce so you can marry a younger model.

    Posted by: Lucas H | May 6, 2014 10:05:13 AM

  11. This guy is a well-known crazy person, forced to wear a GPS leg band for stalking a country singer and a clerk at an ice cream store in Nashville. He WAS a lawyer but was disbarred for mental issues.

    More to be pitied than anything else.

    Posted by: Caliban | May 6, 2014 10:07:23 AM

  12. What is it about the concept of "consent" that is so difficult for all of these people to understand? Clearly, it is not something they ever think about in their day-to-day lives. He should definitely be kept away from all children...

    Posted by: kit | May 6, 2014 10:09:03 AM

  13. I get really tired of people equating a loving, consensual relationship between consenting adults with people marrying a tree, an animal, an appliance, etc. It just shows the contempt with which they view gay people, i.e. as less than human beings.

    Posted by: Dback | May 6, 2014 10:19:19 AM

  14. Jon: The "Institution of Marriage" is not what you think it is. Go fap elsewhere.

    Posted by: Rey | May 6, 2014 10:21:23 AM

  15. Only an effing loser marries a Mac.

    Posted by: Quicksilver | May 6, 2014 10:21:32 AM

  16. He probably was set up t do this by a wing nut to prove their point. apparently they a desperate!

    Posted by: David | May 6, 2014 10:24:31 AM

  17. Jon: If you think such stupid think is brilliant, you must enjoy the billiance of almost everything. Congratulations

    And the institution of marriage was rededined a lot of times in history. People conveniently forget that marriage is not a reliegious invention. Egiptians, romans an greek married way before christians even appeared on the face of earth.
    And no, marriage was not an inmutable force. It's nothing more and nothing less that a contract between two people with rights and obligations

    Posted by: jjose712 | May 6, 2014 10:25:31 AM

  18. Jon,

    If it was just about sex, marriage equality wouldn't matter to us. It's about love and commitment, you know, just like straight marriages (other than the baby-manufacturing Quiverfull groups).

    Posted by: Acronym Jim | May 6, 2014 10:26:28 AM

  19. Well, the acclaimed film "Her" was about a guy falling in love with a virtual person....and nobody really seemed to think it was ridiculous.


    The guy is hot, whether he is crazy or not. I am sure he has no trouble getting laid in "real life" and does not need porn for sex.

    Posted by: Rick | May 6, 2014 10:31:45 AM

  20. @ Jon - when I asked my husband to marry me, he was able to give informed consent. A machine has no awareness of self, so it can not give consent.

    Posted by: Mike in the Tundra | May 6, 2014 10:32:55 AM

  21. Jon is a troll here, and he may be a troll in his real life. Jon can marry his computer if his computer can sign the marriage license.

    Posted by: Ppp | May 6, 2014 10:34:53 AM

  22. Jon is a troll here, and he may be a troll in his real life. Jon can marry his computer if his computer can sign the marriage license.

    Posted by: Ppp | May 6, 2014 10:34:54 AM

  23. If you Google this guy, it shows that he has been convicted of stalking a country music artist. He's a nutjob - nothing else to say.

    Posted by: JJJJJJ | May 6, 2014 10:40:14 AM

  24. Is the computer over 18?

    Posted by: Joe Johnson | May 6, 2014 10:57:33 AM

  25. If it was California law, I'd definitely say let him marry his computer: as a community property state, that computer would get half his earnings and property accumulated after the marriage. He'd be required to spend money on repairs (otherwise it is spouse abuse) and any new owner might have access to that income as well. To sell the thing, he might have to file for a divorce.

    The marriage ceremony could be interesting. He might have to download Siri onto the computer (if Apple will let him) in order for it to be able know when to say "I do" without any manual intervention. We can't have him talking for the computer, after all.

    Posted by: Bill | May 6, 2014 10:59:40 AM

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