Saturday Night Live tackled this week’s Equality Town Hall in its cold open. At its opening, Alex Moffatt’s Anderson Cooper informed the audience that the Democratic town hall would cover issues important to “LGBTQ people and straight girls that make Pride about them.”
The sketch included special guest Billy Porter (Pose) introducing the candidates.
“The category is Vanderbilt dynasty news realness henny,” said Porter, looking at Moffatt’s Anderson.
Porter then introduced the candidates, starting with Cory Booker (Chris Redd): “He may live in the projects, but ladies, he ain’t no project.”
Redd’s Booker was asked whether he has always supported the gay community and after replying “yes” was reminded of 1992 writings that said some derogatory things.
Said Redd’s Booker: “I don’t want you to think I’m dodging the question, so I’m going to go now.”
Porter then moved on: “Representing House of Booty Gig, it’s Mayor Pete.”
Colin Jost’s Pete Buttigieg appeared on stage in the mayor’s stiff-armed posture: “Thanks, I went to Harvard but they don’t teach you where to put your arms.”
Jost’s Buttigieg was asked about how he’d respond to those who say he’s not gay in the right way: “There’s no wrong way to be gay, unless you’re Ellen this week.”
Added Jost’s Buttigieg: “Why am I not winning this? I’m a veteran, I’m under the legal retirement age, and when I talk, it makes sense. Is something wrong with me?”
Replied Anderson: “You’re a great guy, just, as a friend. Not for president.”
Porter then was on to the next: “Warning. Warning. The sentencer is here. She’s got a plan for the future. It’s Elizabeth Warren.”
Said McKinnon’s Warren: “I am so excited to be here. I had some apple slices backstage and they are hitting me like cocaine. You all know I’m not a lesbian but all the ingredients are there.”
McKinnon’s Warren was then hit with the question that led to her viral moment this week: “How would you respond if someone said to you, ‘I’m old fashioned and my faith teaches me that marriage is between one man and one woman.'”
McKinnon’s Warren then went into a drop-the-mic series of one-liners before ripping off her wig in a Drag Race-style runway performance: “I would say, ‘sir, tell me your bus stop, because I want to know where you get off.’ What else? If someone doesn’t want to serve gay people at their small business, I bet that’s not the only thing that’s small. And when people say gay and trans shouldn’t be included in civil rights protections, well I wish their parents had used protection.”
Next up was Lin Manuel-Miranda as Julian Castro.
Said Manuel-Miranda’s Castro: “As a Democrat. I want to apologize for not being gay. But I promise to do better in the future. … I’m young, I’m diverse, I’m latinobama. So let’s get that hashtag going.”
And of course, a Hamilton joke from the Broadway hit’s creator: “You know there was once another man who left his mark on this country’s history but he never became president.”
Porter then introduced “the Delaware daddy, whose only vice is the choo choo train,” Vice President Biden, played again by Woody Harrelson.
“The vast majority of people in America are not homophobic,” said Harrelson’s Biden, “they’re just scared of gay people.”
Biden, fumbling his dentures, was then asked a question by audience member played by Bowen Yang.
“Look at you. If I told you you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?” asked Harrelson’s Biden.
Harrelson’s Biden was then asked how he can defend his past support of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.
Replied Harrelson’s Biden: “I’m glad you asked that question. Let me answer by telling you a false memory.”
Harrelson’s Biden then told a story the VP has often repeated, about what his father told him after they saw two men kiss for the first time, before planting his lips on Moffatt’s Anderson Cooper: “So, in closing, ever been kissed by a VP before?”