Beck Bennett’s Wolf Blitzer called the election for Joe Biden and Kamala Harris in the cold open to Saturday Night Live, high-fiving with Alex Moffatt’s John King, his fingers worn to nubs from so much time at the election touch screen.
“I know I’m supposed to be a neutral news anchor but god dammit that feels good,” yelled Bennett’s Blitzer after making the call.
Jim Carrey’s Joe Biden and Maya Rudolph’s Kamala Harris took to the stage to celebrate.
“We did it! Can you believe it?” said Carrey’s Biden. “I honestly kinda can’t. It’s been so long since something good happened.”
Said Rudolph’s Harris: “I am humbled. And honored to be the first female, the first black, the first Indian-American, and the first biracial vice president. And if any of that terrifies you, well I don’t give a funt. Also my husband will be the first second gentleman, and he’s Jewish, so between us we check more boxes than a disqualified ballot.”
“And to all the little black and brown girls watching right now, the reason your mom is laughing so much tonight, is because she’s drunk,” Rudolph’s Harris added. “And the reason she’s crying, is because she’s drunk. Your mom is going to switch from laughing to crying to dancing, pretty much all night.”
Becket’s Blitzer then cut to the White House, where Alec Baldwin’s Trump was giving his concession speech.
Baldwin’s Trump claimed victory and a stolen election, showing off a map that showed the whole country was a “red wave” of Republican voting.
“Sorry, this is the COVID map,” said Kayleigh McEnany.
“Let me remind all of you who I really am,” said Baldwin’s Trump, launching into a piano ballad version of the Village People’s “Macho Man”.