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Bill Hader and Ben Stiller Spar as SNL Lampoons the Michael Cohen Hearing: WATCH

Andy Towle March 3, 2019 Leave a Comment

Saturday Night Live tackled the spectacle of the week: the House Oversight Committee's hearing with former Trump lawyer Michael Cohen, played as in earlier episodes, by Ben Stiller.

Kenan Thompson's Elijah Cummings opened the proceedings, warning those assembled,”Please do not ooh and ah. This is not Married… with Children.”

“Also I'm told I should tease this because it's all anyone cares about anymore,” he added. “Coming up, a performance by Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (played by a winking Melissa Villaseñor).” 


“For any other president, this hearing would be the most damning and humiliating moment of their lives,” Thompson's Cummings continued, “but for Trump, it's just Wednesday.”

Stiller's befuddled Cohen was brought in to comically regurgitate Cohen's opening statement, preceding it with, “Of course the first time I testified was under oath, but this time I, like really mean it.”

Stiller's Cohen went on to present checks for the hush money payments which included a personal one with Looney Toons characters on it. He added: “Mr. Trump is a racist…but he's also a con man and a cheat.”

He added: “For too many years I was loyal to a man when I should not have been. Now I know how Khloe Kardashian feels.”

Thompson's Cummings then opened the floor “so Republicans can get angry at everyone except the president,” recognizing Rep. Jim Jordan, played maniacally by Bill Hader.

Snapped Hader: “You're right that I'm angry. I'm angry that I have to sit here through this two-bit dirtbag flea circus. I'm so angry I couldn't even wear a jacket today. And you know something, Mr. Cohen, I've never even heard of you!”

Replied Stiller's Cohen, in a mobster voice: “Your mother has.”

Hader's Jordan, becoming more enraged, accused, “You've been working in some of the sleaziest circles in America for year. What other criminals and lowlifes have you worked for?”

Replied Stiller's Cohen: “I was the deputy finance chairman for the Republican Party.”

Thompson's Cohen then gave the floor to Rep. Jackie Speier (Heidi Gardner) who yielded her time back to Hader's Jordan “so he can continue digging his own grave.”

Hader's Jordan continued: “Mr. Cohen, why are we suddenly supposed to believe you now? You lied about Trump being a good guy; you lied about Trump not doing any crimes; you lied about — damn it, I'm doing it again!”

Thompson's Cummings then gave the floor to Kate McKinnon's Debbie Wasserman Schultz (“Hold for groans”) who quickly yielded her time back to Hader's Jordan “as a prank on him.”

The floor then went to Kyle Mooney's Paul Gosar, who repeated his real-life accusation, “liar liar pants on fire.”

And Rep. Mark Meadows (Alex Moffatt) who brought out a black woman (Ego Nwodim) the congressman couldn't identify: “And she works for Trump, and her name is Omarosa.”

Thompson's Cummings then shut down the proceedings “so I can give a quick sermon and call everybody in this room a damn fool.”

“So let's take a break, and then Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez will probably do a dance is that right?” Thompson's Cummings added.

“I was going to ask carefully researched questions,” replied Villaseñor's Ocasio-Cortez

“Clearly that is not what today is about,” Thompson's Cummings quipped back.

Finally, Cohen gave a closing statement: “Look, maybe I'm not a good person, maybe I'm a liar, maybe I'm a fool, maybe I ruined hundreds of people's lives…”

“I'm sorry, is there a ‘but' coming?” asked Thompson's Cummings.

Said Stiller's Cohen: “No there isn't.”

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Kenan Thompson's Elijah Cummings opened the proceedings, warning those assembled,”Please do not ooh and ah. This is not Married… with Children.”

“Also I'm told I should tease this because it's all anyone cares about anymore,” he added. “Coming up, a performance by Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (played by a winking Melissa Villaseñor).” 

“For any other president, this hearing would be the most damning and humiliating moment of their lives,” Thompson's Cummings continued, “but for Trump, it's just Wednesday.”

Stiller's befuddled Cohen was brought in to comically regurgitate Cohen's opening statement, preceding it with, “Of course the first time I testified was under oath, but this time I, like really mean it.”

Stiller's Cohen went on to present checks for the hush money payments which included a personal one with Looney Toons characters on it. He added: “Mr. Trump is a racist…but he's also a con man and a cheat.”

He added: “For too many years I was loyal to a man when I should not have been. Now I know how Khloe Kardashian feels.”

Thompson's Cummings then opened the floor “so Republicans can get angry at everyone except the president,” recognizing Rep. Jim Jordan, played maniacally by Bill Hader.

Snapped Hader: “You're right that I'm angry. I'm angry that I have to sit here through this two-bit dirtbag flea circus. I'm so angry I couldn't even wear a jacket today. And you know something, Mr. Cohen, I've never even heard of you!”

Replied Stiller's Cohen, in a mobster voice: “Your mother has.”

Hader's Jordan, becoming more enraged, accused, “You've been working in some of the sleaziest circles in America for year. What other criminals and lowlifes have you worked for?”

Replied Stiller's Cohen: “I was the deputy finance chairman for the Republican Party.”

Thompson's Cohen then gave the floor to Rep. Jackie Speier (Heidi Gardner) who yielded her time back to Hader's Jordan “so he can continue digging his own grave.”

Hader's Jordan continued: “Mr. Cohen, why are we suddenly supposed to believe you now? You lied about Trump being a good guy; you lied about Trump not doing any crimes; you lied about — damn it, I'm doing it again!”

Thompson's Cummings then gave the floor to Kate McKinnon's Debbie Wasserman Schultz (“Hold for groans”) who quickly yielded her time back to Hader's Jordan “as a prank on him.”

“Her name is Omarosa.”

“But now, I'm all out of faith. This is how I feel. I'm cold and I'm ashamed and lying naked on the floor. Illusion never changed into something real. I'm wide-awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn.”

“I was going to ask carefully researched questions.”

“Clearly that is not what today is about.”

“Look, maybe I'm not a good person, maybe I'm a liar, maybe I'm a fool, maybe I ruined hundreds of people's lives.”

“I'm sorry, is there a ‘but' coming?”

video
play-rounded-fill
Link

Topics: Entertainment, Film/TV/Stream, Republicans, towleroad More Posts About: Daily Resist, Entertainment, Saturday Night Live, SNL, Television, tv

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