Is This Pumpkin Gay?


It has been reported to me that gay men have been scouring pumpkin patches in New York and other cities for white pumpkins in an attempt to make their Halloweens more upscale, minimalist, and as much like Ian Schrager hotel lobbies as possible. This trend is rumored to have been spawned by an article in the most recent issue of Martha Stewart Living, though I don’t read that publication so I wouldn’t know.

What I do know is that two Halloween homos (friends of mine) in New York who really try to go all out for the holidays have found that the demand has driven the price ($50 per pumpkin) of white pumpkins out of reach even of gay men with…disposable income!

So — they were only able to purchase one white pumpkin and had to settle for surrounding it with a bunch of tired orange ones and other assorted warty gourds. They probably even had to pull out that most dreaded of autumn cliches, the wicker cornucopia. Poor boys. I feel so sorry for them.

I would try to maybe FedEx them another, but because we’ve had striking grocery clerks in L.A. for a week now and I don’t want to be a scab, I haven’t had the chance to check out if there are any white pumpkins at the uber-gay Pavilions supermarket in West Hollywood. The only thing I can say for certain is that this Halloween, WHITE IS THE NEW ORANGE. You heard it here first.


  1. says

    the perfumed bitches were caterwauling over white pumpkins at Taylors on Saturday. “Uh muh gud, they’re white, they’re white,” she barked while looking around for anyone, yes everyone to care. “uh muh gud.” Taylors packs their produce into the back of an old pickup flatbed so the pampered housewives can feel like they’re pulling the corn straight off the farm. “uh muh gud,” she kept going on.

    then, like sealions answering her call, the rest of the pampered flopped their way over to her and repeated “uh muh gud,” “uh muh gud.” they all dropped their wicker shopping hand baskets and went for the steel on wheels carts and emptied the store.

    unbelievable power of a pampered caterwaul. those pumpkins probably sat there for three weeks before anyone notices. one sealion starts barking and the entire pack joins in the chant.

    me? i was there for eggs. and, yes, Andy, of course i thought of you and told the clerk they should charge $50 per pumpkin.

  2. blaq says

    I am looking for white pumpkins but not for Halloween. I am trying to find two for wedding decor in July. Any idea if or where I can find some? Help please!!! I am in Upstate New York and would even pay the $50 per pumpkin.

  3. Don Babwin says

    I am writing a story about white pumpkins and would like to talk to somebody about their popularity among gays, as is suggested by the above comments. If anyone would like to discuss the issue, I can be reached at

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