12/11/2006
Denver Pastor Paul Barnes Steps Down Over Sex with Men
Another one bites the dust. Another Denver-area Pastor, Paul Barnes, has stepped down and told his 2,100 member congregation that he has had sexual encounters with men.
Is something in the Denver water that creates evangelical hypocrites? "A month ago, the Rev. Paul Barnes of Grace Chapel in Douglas County preached to his 2,100-member congregation about integrity and grace in the aftermath of the Ted Haggard drugs-and-gay-sex scandal. Now, the 54-year-old Barnes joins Haggard as a fallen evangelical minister who preached that homosexuality was a sin but grappled with a hidden life."
Said to be (unlike Haggard) an apolitical introvert, Barnes confessed to his church in a 32-minute video: "I have struggled with homosexuality since I was a 5-year-old boy... I can't tell you the number of nights I have cried myself to sleep, begging God to take this away."
Barnes is married and has two daughters in their 20's.
Posted 1:40 PM EST by Andy Towle in I'm Gay, News, Paul Barnes, Religion, Ted Haggard | Permalink
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"I've struggled with homosexuality since I was a 5-year-old boy"
Here's hoping this opens enlightens many of the fact that homosexuality is not a choice and not a sin...
Posted by: Cory | Dec 11, 2006 1:47:42 PM
Seems like he wasn't "choosing" hard enough. Or is this one Satan's fault as well? (The evangelical rationale about Pastor Ted, apparently.) Next please...
Posted by: John C | Dec 11, 2006 1:48:07 PM
I can tell you what the evangelicals are going to say about this. They will claim that this is yet another example of the power of the Satanic homosexual agenda. They will say that Barnes is the latest in a list of good, Christian, heterosexual, married husbands and fathers who have been TARGETED and tempted over to the dark side. They will continue to push the idea that he is a fallen heterosexual who can regain his heterosexuality through repentance, prayer and rehabilitation and they will continue to blame gay people and their ally Satan for these men coming to terms with reality.
Sadly, he, like Haggard will do NOTHING to dispel this quackery. In fact they will do everything in their power to further promote it so that more and more people in future generations will have to suffer the same fate as them.
I try to be understanding and compassionate over what they have done to themselves, but I can’t help but be angry and resentful for what they put their families and other gay people through. They are disgraceful
Posted by: Zeke | Dec 11, 2006 1:57:49 PM
The linked Denver Post article indicates that Barnes was not one who actively tried to hurt gay people, unlike Haggard. He sounds like a much more decent guy. I think he's a sad victim of fundamentalist religion and I hope he finds some honesty and healing in his life.
Posted by: sam | Dec 11, 2006 2:14:55 PM
It's sad because this will probably do little to change any hearts or minds within the religious community. Like the Haggard case (as pointed out by Zeke), they will just blame homosexuals for the "sin" or "darkness" or whatever other negative term they can put on this man's obvious orientation. "I have struggled with homosexuality since I was a 5-year-old boy...", WOW! I wonder who was making this kid feel like shit at such an early age.
Posted by: JR | Dec 11, 2006 2:16:36 PM
Ya know...when I first realized I was gay I used to pray/beg for God to "take it away". After months and months of it not being taken away, I started to think that God was ignoring me. Then I realized that I was being like every other Christian hypocrit out there. Christians believe that God has a plan for everyone. But then they pray nonstop for their own selfish needs/wants.
I started praying for patience and understanding. I didn't want to be gay, but I figured that, after all, it is what God wants....not what we want. So here I am, still gay! And I seriously doubt God would have ignored someone who earnestly prayed so long and hard about it.
I want to feel sorry for him, but I don't. He, like numerous other Christians, selfishly allowed himself to overlook the basic principles of the very religion he was preaching to others. Therefor his congregation has a skewed perception of what Christianity is really about.
Posted by: Leland | Dec 11, 2006 2:20:05 PM
"Barnes spoke in his video about evolving feelings growing up in a firm moral family...
"In their only talk about sex, Barnes said his father took him on a drive and talked about what he would do if a "fag" approached him."
Don't these two statements kind of clash? How can you describe such a father as firmly moral?
Posted by: borut | Dec 11, 2006 2:29:58 PM
I love these straight men who make plans about how to respond if approached by a 'fag'...I wouldn't touch about 99% of them anyway.
Posted by: peterparker | Dec 11, 2006 2:37:57 PM
He prayed and God wouldn't take away "the gay?"
Guess God wants some of us to be gay, if you believe that sort of thing.
Posted by: Marco | Dec 11, 2006 2:42:26 PM
Momma Mia! Here we go again... Though in this case the hypocrisy was slight and private. He wasn't really outed in a scandal either. However, it will be tough to argue for a Satanic/homosexual pact when we are dealing with a 5-year-old. How can a 5-year-old be a lapsed heterosexual? One suspects that he is trying to move on over to the other side here, unlike Haggard. It sounds like he's given up fighting his gay feelings.
Posted by: Anon | Dec 11, 2006 3:13:29 PM
Anon, Barnes himself is already setting up the answer to your question, "How can a 5-year-old be a lapsed heterosexual?"
He has already stated that he doesn't believe that gay people are born that way but become gay through "something that happens during their childhood".
That is the first step toward the old, "Gays can't reproduce so they recruit" meme.
I've read a couple of accounts of this incident and I don't see any indication that he is "moving on over to the other side" or that he has "given up fighting his gay feelings" yet.
He is still talking about it in terms of being a sin against God and a "condition" that is "acquired" if not chosen.
Barnes may not have been as media hungry or as charismatic as Haggard and he may have officially stayed out of the marriage amendment debate but he still preached that homosexuality is immoral and a sin to his congregation of 2,100 members which undoubtedly included countless young gay and lesbian kids who were crying themselves to sleep every night just like he did.
Instead of being a voice of comfort from a position of understanding, he perpetuated the hurt and shame that he suffered through for so many years onto a whole new generation of gay kids and THAT, in my opinion, is unforgivable.
As the son of a very conservative Southern Baptist preacher I can TOTALLY relate to the fear, shame and hopelessness that Barnes felt as a child. I know EXACTLY what it felt like to go to bed crying every night begging God to forgive me for being such an abomination. What I cannot fathom is how a person who has been through so much psychological abuse at the hands of his church can CHOOSE to go into the BUSINESS of inflicting this abuse on countless numbers of others, especially children.
This man did not choose his sexuality, no matter how much he may try to convince himself that he did. However, he DID choose to be a hypocrite and he DID choose to tell OTHER people that something that HE didn't choose and something that HE couldn't overcome was chosen, was a sin and was fixible.
THAT is where any shame that he may feel should eminate from.
Posted by: Zeke | Dec 11, 2006 4:11:11 PM
He is quoted in one article as wanting to "move beyond scripture" when dealing with sexuality. AND he didn't seem to want to hide any more. Pure speculation I guess, but I see twinges of a realization.
We were Catholic-lite, so I didn't cry myself to sleep. It was more like: where am I going to get a bf and not get beat-up by other students? AIDS was a big worry too. I guess I don't relate to your experience.
Posted by: Anon | Dec 11, 2006 4:53:38 PM
Have some compassion. He isn't CHOOSING to be a hypocrite. He genuinely believes all this. He's clearly been surrounded by homophobic, bigoted "Christians" his whole life; are you really going to blame him for not having escaped that yet? I'm willing to bet that he sees all his gay encounters as sinful moments of weakness. The fact that he's had sex with men does NOT make him a hypocrite for preaching that it's sinful. And I'm sure he knows that he's causing gay kids to suffer in the same way he suffered. But he clearly thinks it's for their own good.
We all have the privilege of seeing this story from our gay-accepting lives, we all know that it's not a sin and not a choice. We all realize that the best thing for him to do would be to leave that church and find some people who would accept him. But he doesn't know that! Try to see this from his persepective. He may be doing harm to gay people everywhere, but he's just a tragic product of homophobia.
Posted by: Caitlin | Dec 11, 2006 4:57:12 PM
God and all his followers can kiss my hairy gay ass. I cannot put into words my disgust for the hypocrisy of Christian doctrine. It is as if mankind is making a concerted effort to remain ignorant. What are the chances of two major Christian leaders being outed from their respective closets this close to the birthday celebration of the supposed Christ? I do not believe in God, but I am starting to believe in Santa Claus.
Posted by: John S. | Dec 11, 2006 5:05:20 PM
Imagine all the good things these homo priest could do if they accepted who they were instead of hiding it behind self-hating rhetoric. These are the people who could help turn the tide on homophobia but insist on hiding behind sparse words in archaic texts.
Posted by: Steve | Dec 11, 2006 5:19:53 PM
hmmm, come to think of it, perhaps there IS something in the water in Denver... I was a Republican political operative until I went to Denver to run a campaign for state treasurer, met a man, fell in love, moved to San Francisco and registered Democrat. Let's bottle and sell the damn stuff!
K
Posted by: Kile | Dec 11, 2006 5:32:41 PM
You know, I'm 20 years old and I've been going to Grace Chapel for 18 years of my life and have been graced with having Paul as my pastor. I was there the day they showed the video and no one walked out. At least half the people were crying and the other half was obviously sad. But we don't think anything less of him. And I think it's horrible this is being compared to that guy from Colorado Springs! Paul wasn't accused by anyone, he said it himself. Plus if his wife Char can accept him, why can't we? Plus he NEVER admitted to having sexual relations or anything of the sort with anyone. Us all at Grace love, miss, and are praying for Paul.
Posted by: Kaylee | Dec 11, 2006 6:07:40 PM
Caitlin, I grew up in rural Mississippi, the son of an ultra conservative, anti-gay, fundamentalist, Southern Baptist, right-wing Republican father and a mother that made my father look like a liberal heathen.
I can't imagine how I could see things from this man's perspective any more.
Kaylee, with all due respect Rev. Barnes came out because he someone was outing anti-gay pastors and he was one of the ones that was being talked about. He was approached and admitted to it. It wasn't as if he just came out on his own.
And, for the record, it's being reported that he HAS admitted to having sexual relationships with men, although he said he hasn't had such a relationship in recent months.
Like it or not, there are many similarities between Barnes and Haggard. I feel bad for his family and I feel bad for his church but denial is what got him, and the rest of you, to this point in the first place. Your continuing to be in denial is not going to help anyone.
I am also praying for Rev. Barnes. I pray that he is able to see through the layers of myth and misinformation that have clouded his judgment in the past so that he can come to the full light of reality and be the man that God created him to be. I pray that he find a way to use his unique understanding to help other gay Christians come to understand that they are OK just the way they are. I pray that his wife and kids grow to understand why he and they have been put into this terrible position and I pray that they are all able to move forward with grace, peace and happiness.
Posted by: Zeke | Dec 11, 2006 6:27:23 PM
Oh, poor Kaylee. He never admitted to having sexual relations or anything? Please. How much in denial can these wingnuts be?
But this man should have suffered a lot. I cannot imagine myself crying every night at five years old. Poor thing. The machinery of organized religion spits these men out in pieces after they've been used to recruit more and more gullible people. Because Christians are not born, they are recruited.
Posted by: xavier | Dec 11, 2006 6:34:04 PM
This bit from the play/movie The Boys in the Band is, depressingly enough, as true in 2006 as it was in 1968/69: Harold (to Michael:) You're a sad and pathetic man. You're a homosexual and you don't want to be, but there's nothing you can do to change it. Not all the prayers to you god, not all the analysis you can buy in all the years you've go left to live. You may one day be able to know a heterosexual life if you want it desperately enough. If you pursue it with the fervor with which you annihilate. But you'll always be homosexual as well. Always Michael. Always. Until the day you die.
Posted by: Henry Holland | Dec 11, 2006 6:37:35 PM
Oh my, where to begin?
I, similar to Zeke, grew up in rural Tennessee the son of a Church of Christ preacher. We weren't as conservative as the Amish as we could own cars. :) However, VERY conservative Bible based religeon.
I remember lying in bed, crying myself begging God to take it away as early as seven and eight! I feel for that pain and hopelessness. It is far more difficult than many could ever understand. I hated myself, I hated what I was and I hated what I was thinking!!! PAIN, so much pain.
I went on to marry and try to live the lie. I destroyed my kid's mom's life. It was not fair to her as I changed the rules. She did not sign up for this but has been a willing partcipant in a life she never imagined. That is what is truly sad. I would give anything to have not hurt her. She is now my best friend.
This subject is difficult for me as I feel my life began around 35, when I allowed myself to have my first gay experience. Yes there was guilt and it was difficult, but my life began that day. It was for the first time in my life that I felt "normal". It felt real. I grow angry at those that preach hate and play on the side. I never did that. I held true to my vows for 11 years before I simply could not do it any longer!
This man, will never accept his reality. I feel for the pain and suffering he has endured, but then again, he was not the first. My only hope is that NO GAY MAN WILL EVER MARRY ANOTHER WOMAN AGAIN! This is not the answer and you end up hurting so many people. I am somewhere between anger and sadness on this topic. Been there, done that.
He, however, will never change and that is his loss.
Posted by: RB | Dec 11, 2006 7:44:37 PM
Like many here, I prayed for years not to be gay. Although today I am a lapsed christian at best, the day I finally realized that God was not going to "take the Gay away" was the closest I've ever felt to Him (or Her).
Posted by: derek294 | Dec 11, 2006 8:10:14 PM
He has said that gay people are not born gay. What do you think of that?
I'm not going to slam him. If it wasn't for society's ignorance of LGBT people then you wouldn't have situations like this. It is very sad that for his 54 years he has not lived HIS life. There are many LGBT people that never get the chance to live THEIR life. I hope he fully accepts his homosexuality and begins living HIS life.
Posted by: Jack | Dec 11, 2006 8:28:04 PM
People aren't born gay any more than they they're born straight...our sexuality is a hell of a lot more complex.
While we do not have a choice, per se, in being gay, I find it appalling how people categorically accept the mumbo-jumbo fed to us by the media as well as our own screwed-up minds. I mean, seriously- just because one has felt a same-sex attraction since way back when, is that irrefutable science?
I find the REAL culprit in all of this to be the God that confused men and women have been crying out to for centuries to help with their sexuality- which they know to be amiss. He has abandoned the very people who have the potential to be some of the best parents and leaders.
Posted by: Bill | Dec 11, 2006 8:56:45 PM
Is it just me or does it seem to anyone else that Evangelical Christianity has some inexplicable draw as a place where self-loathing homosexuals choose to hide? Maybe it's because hate-mongering Christianity offers an iron-clad way of living in denial and in secret. I don't know for sure. I do know believe this however, every single anti-gay crusading Christian homophobe is now suspect. The louder the Christian haters are, the more active they are in the movement to oppress homosexuals, the more they should be scrutinized, investigated and outed when possible. The way I see it, they're all probably a bunch of hypocritical Ted Haggards...
Posted by: Robert In WeHo | Dec 11, 2006 10:04:16 PM