What Exactly Gets Better? Well, for starters… ; Towleroad Tips

If you just came out from under a rock this week, this is part of the It Gets Better Project on You Tube, launched by Dan Savage in response to increased coverage of suicides by young gay people, and likely an increase in actual attempts. This one by half of Logo's Jefferey and Cole team and TV writer Guy Branum speaks to the important role of friends in the end. A good reminder for any age.


Towleroad notes…

Though his talents differ from those of the friends portrayed in the video, thanks to my friend Rob for sending it on.

You too can always tip us on news or anything you think we should consider for Towleroad by sending us email at tips @ towleroad.com or through our contact page. Steve Pep's will be posting through the weekend, following a great effort in a  big news by by Andrew Belonsky. He continues Monday. And Andy Towle really will be back in another week.

And, Direct message to Andy T.: Yes you're missed. No, it isn't the same. Put down he iPad.

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Have a good weekend.


  1. Bobo says

    This is the lamest shit I have ever seen, but this of course comes from the people at Logo, and Chelsea Lately…the two worst pieces of crap to come across my TV screen in a long time.

  2. Tone says

    They’re so adorable! I don’t understand the trolling here over this. It’s a positive message that would have helped me considerably when I was in high school.

  3. JEREMY says

    My my….teens will be VERY disappointed when they grow up and realize “friends” like the ones in the video cost $300 an hour.

    This is garbage. It’s like watching a Nicki Minaj music video.

    You know…one of the teens who committed suicide recently was from Texas, another was from Indiana. The student who committed suicide yesterday was African-American.

    How EXACTLY does showing the same tired stereotypes–that all gay men are lily white fashionistas who obsess over the Oscars and Christina Aguilera–give kids in the heartland from blue-collar backgrounds the impression that things are going to get better for them?

  4. Guill66 says

    @ Tre Gibbs – AMEN. Felt the exact same way after wasting 2 minutes watching this – I’d totally kill myself if I knew I was destined to become such a pathetic stereotype like these guys. It’s the equivalent of black people making a similar video showing the merits of a fried chicken & ‘waddymelon’ diet.

  5. Paul R says

    Yes, cheesy but well meant. Should have edited out the last minute save the message about the Trevor project. Luckily most 15 year olds are discerning enough to recognize that someone may not look or act exactly like them, but they may still have something in common.

  6. Wimsy says

    This is adorable and fantastic! If there had been sensitive, caring, reassuring, helpful people when I was 15, I could have skipped decades of pain. Eventually, I learned to tell bigots to go fuck themselves….but when you’re 15, it’s not so easy.

  7. David Jarrett says

    I think the video is horrible, particularly having an obvious queenie young guy talking about gay life. One of several reasons that I did not come out earlier in my life was that I thought that all gays were nelly, and I was only attracted to masculine young guys. Of course, those were the long-ago days before the internet and public disucssion of homosexuality. Younger guys should have fewer problems, unless you live in Red Neck country.

  8. says

    Obviously, this video–which shies away from earnestness but not cliché–isn’t going to be everyone’s cup of tea, but, reality check, what’s the problem with having a “queenie young guy talking about gay life”? Guess what–nelly young guys, some of them blue-collar and in the heartland, exist. And are the first to be tortured by their peers. They might actually relate to another young queen, or a fat funny queen who’s done pretty well for himself.

    I’m sure there are plenty of masculine young guys out there who can make different videos~it takes all kinds.

  9. Feral says

    Why can’t gay men just act straight?! Ugh!!! Maybe then they wouldn’t be bullied!

    Seriously, the self-loathing gay bashing in this comments section is ironic given the subject, to say the least.

  10. Zlick says

    I wish I hadn’t watched it. I’m supposed to be shooting one tomorrow, and I’ve been avoiding seeing others. Ya know, I don’t have a big budget, so – fucking forgive me for being a white guy from L.A. who wants to contribute something – but it’s going to be shot on location in fucking Los Angeles and staring, um, ME – who happens to be lily white. I guess if I were really good-looking, that would be more points against me. Sheesh.

  11. says

    @Feral – ironic at least indeed. Sad, deplorable and unhelpful is more like it. Something tells me that a lot of the guys commenting on here were the ones who probably would join in making fun of the nelly, sissy boys so all their jock friends wouldn’t think they were gay, too, and stop letting them suck them off after school.

    Really, who needs straight guys to bully us, make fun of us and condescend to us? We seem to do it well enough ourselves.

  12. Billy says

    “And, Direct message to Andy T.: Yes you’re missed. No, it isn’t the same. Put down he iPad.”

    Direct message to Michael Goff: Yes, that was incredibly rude to Andrew, who has been doing a fantastic job in Andy’s absence. No, you clearly haven’t learned how to proofread.

  13. Matt26 says

    One thing: If you want to reach teenagers, this may not do it. When I was a teenager there were people who knew what and how to say on tv to teenagers. They spoke to my generation the way we understood. This video spoke to current teenagers the language of older generations. I don’t think it speaks to teenagers.

  14. Mike in the Tundra says

    “Why can’t gay men just act straight?! Ugh!!! Maybe then they wouldn’t be bullied!”

    I hope that was a snark. We come in all flavors: nelly, butch, leathermen, and drag queens. I know I’m missing a lot. Guys, it’s okay to be attracted to a certain type, but don’t devalue the other types just because you’re not interested. Personally, I never want to hear “straight acting” ever again. I know some pretty effeminate straight guys. Masculine or butch would be better descriptions.

  15. says

    I liked it very much and am now pretty shocked to read all the vile, visceral reactions to it. Wow! Like, “If I had seen this video when I was 15 I would have killed myself.” Really? A video you don’t particularly like would have made you off yourself? What stopped you? And what’s with all the nelly/queeny hate? Don’t you realize it’s most likely the nelly/queeny boys who are most likely to kill themselves as they are the most “obviously” gay, not able to hide their homosexuality therefore mostly likely to get bullied in the first place! Jesus, boys! What’s with all the hating? That’s what this whole video project is all about! Stopping all the homo hate. So bitches please! Stop it already!

  16. shanesoho says

    Actually, a pretty terrific message by two well-meaning gentlemen, who really did speak (in a seemingly heartfelt manner) to the concerns of different types of adolescent gays…..until the speedo wearing boys show up and make it seem otherwise. Therein lies the problem. Cutting room, please!

  17. Sancho says

    Wouldn’t it be more honest to call the project “It Can Get Better”, instead of promising that it definitely will? Not that life doesn’t get better for lots of people, but then there are the folks for whom stuff never ever comes together. Giving them false hope seems cruel.

    And yes, when I was 15 this video would have made me feel even more alone – these two guys’ lives, at least as they’re presented here, wouldn’t have seemed like anything I’d want or even relate to (and that’s still true now, 30+ years later). On the other hand, clearly they would have spoken to their own younger selves, which is really what most of these videos boil down to: people telling their teenage selves what the future holds for them.

  18. TANK says

    This is obnoxious idiocy…there really are a healthy contingent of professional gays who are feeding the problem. These two should have had another drink, popped a few more pills, and reconsidered.

  19. Omar says

    GREAT Job guys, i really cant believe the vile comments on here. Why are you bitchy queens being so mean spirited towards such a positive cause?…got better ideas?, go make your own video or offer constructive criticism other than the same tired bitter negativity. I contemplated suicide as a teen a number of times growing up abroad and wish I’ve had the chance to watch a similar video back then. Some of you out there go out of your way to DESTROY a noble and well meaning initiative. Justin Bieber on here is very very CUTE.

  20. djcchicago says

    Yes, it does get better, and has for me as well, but how did I miss out on the sexy friends willing to take off their clothes and rub my shoulders? Am I hanging out in the wrong places? I want a refund.

  21. ravewulf says

    I don’t know why this is getting such negativity in the comments up top. Do you even remember being a teenager or did puberty hit you late or something? When I was a teen I was F’n horny (still am) and would have LOVED a video like this.

    Yes, people have different “types” that they prefer, but that’s no reason to put down a type that you personally don’t like cause someone else is bound to like it even if you don’t.

  22. Mike in the Tundra says

    “but that’s no reason to put down a type that you personally don’t like cause someone else is bound to like it even if you don’t.”

    Ain’t it grand?

    Nevertheless, everyone step back from Hugh Jackman. He’s mine.

  23. says

    @Billy– Let’s not troll things that aren’t there. Other than the proofing, which i’ll own.

    My esteem is not zero sum.
    I noted Andrew’s great work in a few places. He’s aware that i think he’s great, as well as of my hope he’ll have a regular presence going forward.

    It’s hardly mutually exclusive to also miss a biz partner and friend on a deserved vacation. And it’s not dissing Andrew since we’re all working in service of the voice and high bar for quality Andy’s set, protects, and evolves. In fact, it’s every collaboration and contribution from posters, columnists, tipsters and comments that drive the ever-evolving Towleroad.

    (Of course, that’s after skimming the thin layer of comments with nothing more compelling than racist and misogynist crap. Please join us in not feeding the trolls and making it clear to others that we’re here for open discussion and mutual respect.)
    Certainly not implying @Billy’s in this crew,btw.


  24. BobN says

    Best line:


    To all the whiners: there are lots and lots of videos out there now. You don’t have to like this one.

  25. Perry Phalla says

    I enjoyed the video until the naked individuals came on. Don’t get me wrong, that part great and all. It sent a good message until it sent promiscuity to 15 year old confused Iowa teenagers.

  26. anonymous says

    i’m gay. i was bullied.

    this is hard to watch.

    it’s everything i strived to NOT be at that age. this would not help my 12 year old self overcome the hatred i was going through at the time.

    its touchy because of the SCENE of it all – but get some regular joes up in this. not GAY MARRIAGE SUCCESS STORIES and out and proud guys. take the script out of it, please.

  27. J. Thebeau says

    Just remember this ZLICK, the message is “things will get better”. For Christ’s sake, give them hope. Tell them they matter in the course of everyday life because they’re someone’s son or daughter, and that even if they’re disowned by their parents, they can still find support and nurturing elsewhere. Someday, somewhere, someone is going to love them, for who, and what they are. Please, it matters.

  28. says

    But “the things will get better” is a lie. Why would you share and push something false. Being tortured for being gay in high school, leads to being tortured for being gay at Uni. The family that you make when your own throws you out, drops you when you move to a new city. I don’t know what the answer is but Things dont get better

  29. Thrutc says

    This is exhibit A of the problem with being gay. Everyone is mean and cruel. Or they ignore you. I don’t give shit anymore, I’m calling Exodus tmrw, its better to be miserable and have a family, than just be miserable alone. My life would have been better off not believing the lie things get better, or that people will accept you

  30. Michelleanon says

    Ratbastard is trolling these threads with his obsession of every gay person acting the same (his bigotry of all of us appearing masculine is a fixation from his own homophobia) he posts under different handles. Do NOT feed that troll.

    There are fem, flaming, masculine, queenie…ALL types of gays in the community and they are all to be accepted. Our queenie gays are the best as they get sh*t done and are the first to take sh*t too. Some of the toughest gays I know were the ones who weren’t afraid to be themsleves, even if that meant fem.

  31. PG says

    I would have hated this as a teen who was just coming out. At the time, I was terrified by the thought that all gay men were only interested in superficial, promiscuous sex. I desperately wanted the “white picket fence, two-car garage” family with another man. But I rarely saw any gays portrayed that way. I’ve changed a lot since then, and I realize there is no “right” way to be gay, but for an inexperienced, sheltered kid, this video just perpetuates stereotypes that “gay = shallow promiscuity.” For a lot of struggling young people, that is not proof that thing “get better” – and actually could be a scary future prospect for some of them.

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