Comments

  1. Jack M says

    Sorry, but he makes it sound like Grindr is an incentive for self-improvement and international relations, but it’s really just for hookups. Or am I missing something?

  2. says

    What Grindr has done, in many ways, is highlight some things that have been going on in our communities for decades.

    A guy in my friend’s building died recently and left behind…um…. more vintage porno magazines than I knew was humanly possible. In the back pages? those Ads.
    http://instagram.com/p/eqQBQ_B0k1/

    they’re from the mid-70s: discreet. masculine. no blacks. no fems.

    oh..the progress we’ve made in 40 years! now we expose our societally-learned preferences on the Internet. :-)

    The app, like anything really, is what you make of it. I’ve made great friends from it. Fellow art-geeks who wanna blaze and get our Werner Herzog on. And it’s really exposing the cultural prejudices against *ourselves* and others that have long lay rather dormant, or rather *hidden*.

    Is it “improving gay lives”? Um….. I’m not sure I can say it’s improving “gay lives”, specifically, as in a case by case basis how one treats the app, or allows their treatment/success *on* the app to affect how they feel about themselves, and others.

    see “douchebagsofgrindr” for the wealth of clueless internalized homophobia and racial/cultural bigotry that pops up in the guise of “mere preference”.

    some people allow themselves to be reduced to a commodity with it, or to *feel* like they’ve been reduced to a commodity. others take the app and use it as they see fit – a way to connect with others, in any capacity of their choosing.

  3. stevetalbert says

    I don’t like user interface as much as growlr or scruff. I travel a lot with work in US and have met friends that way. Better than criagslust because not everyone is looking just for hookups with phone apps.

  4. Craig says

    I think he’s describing the way Russian youth are getting entrapped by gay bashers through social media. Really doesn’t sound ideal for middle easterners.

  5. stevetalbert says

    The lack of attention span is due to age not app. I find it less superficial than a bar. At a bar its all your looks . With phone apps you have pics but also profile and chat. People can be more outgoing than in person with a stranger.

  6. MARCUS BACHMANN says

    “I certainly go to the gym more because of Grindr. I’m competing with the guy a space away from me on that grid.”

    Oh dear, this one has issues.

  7. Hank says

    What a weird mishmash of misunderstood ideas we live by. Whatever it is that “taught” you to desire other men based on whether they go to the gym or get their teeth bonded, it certainly wasn’t evolution, since that behavior cannot result in any offspring to perpetuate the trait.

  8. says

    Concur, Marcus. If you go to the gym more “because of Grindr” then congrats on allowing app-attention become a central focus, namely based purely on AESTHETICS.

    I’ve had Grindr for a few years, now. And I’ve not set foot in a gym since 2010. Why? My tastes in lifestyle and men have become more discerning, not more shallow.

    A “hot bod” on Grindr won’t get a message from me, nor will a torso-pic with “hi. sup? hey. how goes? how r u?”

    for some, Grindr is about ‘getting hot and attracting guys’ – for any other Sapiosexuals out there, it’s what you’ve written, the vibe you give off, and your ability to, you know, “communicate with people.”

    Grindr hasn’t made me go to the gym *at all* – it has, though, sort of reinforced my aversion to guys who think going to the gym is all they need to do to get a man.

    #pickupabook

  9. Jack Ford says

    Grindr doesn’t make me wanna go to the gym. It makes me wanna stay away from “dating” altogether. We really are becoming the superficial, sex-obsessed, muscle-worshipping fiends we’re made out to be. I’ve had one night stands before… always after chatting face to face first. A guy’s six pack doesn’t make him sexy and endless selfies of him preening in the bathroom mirror is more likely to convince me that he’s a vapid tw@t.

  10. Platform51 says

    Simkhai’s deluded diatribe about how he’s enhancing life for gays is pure rubbish. Grindr doesn’t make anyone brush their teeth, though it may make them wax their chests. Also unclear is how this app translates into an improved society for anyone. The point that Grindr or similar apps are being used to ambush people in Russia appears utterly lost on him. More important to make a buck! Tool.

  11. Charlie says

    Of course he’s going to defend the app. Lol! At it’s inception Grindr was basically a mobile bathhouse littered with profile pics of headless torsos and genitalia until Apple Inc stepped in and banned nude pics.
    This guy is just the tech version of Michael Lucas–both of them very successful in exploiting gay men at their basest.

  12. says

    “discrete mascbijock for mascbrodudesstr8-acting no fems don’t be an asian and have a face pic bfore you message me even though the only pic i have is of a part of my torso, at an oblique angle”

    yay! we’re improving gay lives!

  13. Alex N says

    I’m really glad I read the comments today as I expected to read an army of sex app defenders. It’s reassuring that there are other people who view this concept with disdain or reservation. The onset of hooking up almost exclusively in this manner has made being gay unappealing to me on levels I don’t fully understand, and while immediate sexual gratification isn’t necessarily characteristic of all gay men, it seems to be more and more the case. I struggle with heteronormativity, toxic shame and a legacy of poor relationship choices, but I am truly grateful to have an awareness of such aspects of myself and the culture I grew up in. The illusion that younger gay people have it easier (I’m in my late 30s, and so fortunately I no longer include myself in this category) is eventually going to become a recognized fallacy when people are no longer able to connect through spoken words and body language. The few younger gay men I am friends with have completely normalized cursing apps as a part of day to day life, and yet not one of them has ever had a meaningful relationship. Some even claim to not know what romantic love is. This isn’t really shocking, and perhaps they are spared some other form of neurosis that I have not, but grindr and its competition have taken sex and a hope of companionship out of my life and left me feeling peripherally alienated from my community and saddened by the insecurities I have sunken back into in the worst form of arrested development that plagues gay men in general. I won’t pretend to speak on behalf of other people, but thank you to those who shared their own perspective on this inevitable shift of culture.

  14. Jack Ford says

    Alex. Very nicely put. If this is the future of the gay “community”, I just can’t be bothered frankly. I’m not looking for a hook up or a relationship but if I were, god knows what I’d do… probably just wait for fate.

    @LittleKiwi I appreciate the sentiment but we all “let” ourselves be made to feel inferior at some point or another. Even when I was the hot young thing at 21 (just 10 years ago) the meat market clubs left me empty inside. This is the same thing but even more streamlined so guys can feel crap about themselves all day, every day.

  15. Velo says

    This guy profits by pushing meaningless, loveless hookups as a way to live. And he has the gall to suggest that this is the reason gay men brush their teeth and wash. What a despicable character.

    It is common to hear the “queer” radicals or progressives denounce marriage equality as some sort of selling out to mainstream America or capitalism, etc. But the need for strong, stable, intimate connections isn’t American or capitalistic. You can find it everywhere from secular modern countries like Japan and Iceland, to poor conservative religious states like India, to revolutionary states like Maoist China or Lenin’s USSR. It fills a human need, even if it isn’t right for everyone.

    What is distinctly capitalistic and exploitative is a life that revolves around Grindr, where people are reduced to jpegs, ranked and selected, and left with nothing but a series of empty orgasms, all while generating profit for a corporation.

  16. oncemorewithfeeling says

    I’m the last person to feed the trolls, but:

    “Queer”? Seriously? Welcome to 2013. And FYI: you don’t need to be radical to be queer, but what’s wrong with radicals? Ever hear of Stonewall? And “progressives” don’t denounce marriage equality, they created marriage equality for you and you’re welcome.

    That was all just too much cluelessness to let pass.

    On-topic: cruising used to be fun. Now it’s soul-less. The youngest generation has no idea what they missed out on.

  17. Brandon H says

    Wow, I was expecting some marketing speak but I wasn’t expecting him to blatantly cram his own head up his ass.

    Inspiration to take care of yourself? OK buddy, thats what we’ll tell em.

  18. anon says

    I think it goes without saying that you’re not going to like everyone and not everyone is going to like you. I think there’s a tendency to deny that to avoid feeling inadequate. Grindr is going to make the vast majority of the accounts look worse than they actually are.

  19. circuitmouse says

    …no matter how Simkhai tries to dress it up, this doesn’t sound like what LGBT pioneers had in mind when wresting control over the images and aims of our community from the Mafia and corrupt cops, politicians and religious leaders.

  20. Velo says

    OnceMore:

    Cruising was always soulless. It was a way of life forced on us by law and society. Then, self-hating “queers” (not a 2013 term BTW, more like 1989 you dinosaur) like yourself took over the prison but continued to live in your cells, calling it liberation. But it was still a prison. One associated with disease, substance abuse, crime, loneliness, mood disorders and early death,. That is the price of your fun. And then it became a business. Thanks to idiots like you, it the prison stayed open and the new wardens got rich.

    You live that life for a week or a month, it is no problem. You live that way for years or decades or a lifetime, you get a human catastrophe. Not that you really care.

  21. Rick says

    Grindr, and the other apps, have improved my life. I now know which guys in my area to avoid because they are walking cesspools of disease or vapid little label queens.

  22. mascgaybloke says

    Mmmm I am gonna chime in here and bring another perspective. Someone above said that Grindr makes the account look worst than what they are. Another poster contribute saying Grindr had dissipated hopes of happiness for many other young people.

    I am a young black guy in my early 20s, I am finishing my maths PhD at a top university (with a certificate of studies from one of the world’s top maths schools) at the moment with great prospects ahead.
    Now, I have only just met my current boyfriend, and yes, it was through Grindr. Here are some facts about. Without sounding pretentious, I am exceptionally goodlooking. I am not even going to say I am goodlooking for a black guy, since many black guys are good looking, but I am very very very handsome. I also am, thanks to the genes, extremely fit, very welll built, and to top it all off, I am extremely masculine and got a deep voice.
    Now that said, I also look for the same type of guy regardless of ethnicity. I want a goodlooking handsome masculine fit guy. And this is the problem with grindr. On grindr you’ll find thousands of account of guys that look like the CEO: slim guys that confuse having a 6 packs with fitness, and starve themselves to death, guys that have fanciful haircut yet claim to be masculine, dressing in a typical gay manner, tight fancy clothes and silly jackets, etc, essentially you’ll find a lot of gay guys being gay who don’t realise they are being gay.
    In such a situation, this means I get tons of messages from such guys. This is an important point here. I get lots of messages from guys who if they were happy dating guys similar to them would happily have found mr right because grindr is full of gays that look very gay. So why are those gays not happy dating folks that resemble them and instead go after me? Good question.
    Now I mentioned I have a boyfriend. My boyfriend is white, and I like to think, a white version of me. He messaged me one day after the blue, I fell in love with him at first sight and he later told me it was also the case for him and he was very scared to admit it although on the first night he told me he’d delete his grindr because after meeting me he never thought he’d need it again. He also had a girlfriend at the time and separated from here. Here’s the gist of what I want to say. As soon as I met him, I knew I’d never look for a bloke on gridnr again because he was the first guy my age on there who piqued my fancy and that has been the case since.
    So is Grindr the problem or are gay men the problem? Imagine a world where most gay guys become very self-aware of why they might not be attracted to someone or why they are attracted to someone and go through efforts to be as appealing to as many as possible (fitness, manners, etc), do we really then think grindr would be such a bad thing for gay life?
    I argue that no. The problem is not grindr. My boyfriend fell in love with me because, his words, I am a great guy, and the nicest bloke he’s ever met. Yet on the app since I ignore most guys I dont find attractive fromt heir pics I am an arsehole. Is it so bad I only want to talk to guys I am attracted to and not waste annyone’s time? No! The onus is on other users to make themselves appealing to prospective partners. If you message me because you like the handsome rugged masculine outset, why not then expect me to look for the same?
    Grindr isn’t the problem. Many guys do not find what they are really looking for on it (their ideal dream guy) because they are not themselves an ideal for anyone out there. For my boyfriend I am his ideal and he is my ideal and so I am happy grindr helped us meet. Open relationship? yea, that’s for ugly blokes not content with their partner. If you really like someone you’d never tolerate the thought of them ever being with someone else. My partner and I we can contemplate being together for life and quite franckly I look around and I can’t even see straight blokes that look as handsome as he does, and he says the same to me, I put the eforts in, hung in there, it paid off. So dont blame grindr, examine the folks around you and yourself too.

  23. DrunkEnough says

    Mascgaybloke’s message is steeped in the self-absorption and image obsession that Grindr has instilled in a generation.

    Grindr has done more to destroy gay intellectualism and community than pretty much anything. Look how shallow it’s made people.

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