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Actress Maria Bello Comes Out as Bisexual

Actress Maria Bello (Permanent Midnight, Payback, Coyote Ugly, The Cooler, A History of Violence, Thank You for Smoking) came out as bisexual in a NYT column about coming out to her 12-year-old son Jack.

Bello“So are you romantic with anyone right now?” he asked.

I took a deep breath, knowing that my answer, and his response, would have an impact on our lives for a very long time.

He was right; I was with someone romantically and I hadn’t told him. I had become involved with a woman who was my best friend, and, as it happens, a person who is like a godmother to my son.

How and when should I tell him? When I explained the situation to a therapist, she smiled and said, “Your son may say a lot of things about you when he’s older, but he will never say his mother was boring.”

Her advice was to wait until he asked. And now here he was, asking.

...

I exhaled and finally said it: “Clare.”

He looked at me for what seemed like an eternity and then broke into a huge, warm smile. “Mom, love is love, whatever you are,” he said with wisdom beyond his years. (Yes, he obviously attends one of those progressive schools in Los Angeles!)

Bello also discusses coming to terms with her own bisexuality after two relationships with men, and finding love with her partner Clare:

She was one of the most beautiful, charming, brilliant and funny people I had ever met, but it didn’t occur to me, until that soul-searching moment in my garden, that we could perhaps choose to love each other romantically.

What had I been waiting for all of these years? She is the person I like being with the most, the one with whom I am most myself.

The next time I saw her, in New York, I shared my confusing feelings, and we began the long, painful, wonderful process of trying to figure out what our relationship was supposed to be.

 

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Comments

  1. She does *not* say she is bisexual. She's in a relationship with a woman and has still mostly dated men. That does not automatically make her bisexual, so why put the words in her mouth?

    Posted by: Jake | Dec 1, 2013 10:31:12 PM


  2. Congrats to Ms. Bello for finding a partner she's happy with - and for being an inspiration to bisexual women everywhere.

    And yes, Jake, we can assume she's bi. She hasn't given up men but is in what she calls a "romantic" relationship with a woman. What other term is there for someone attracted to both genders? I guess we could call her bicurious, but if she's gone beyond just being attracted and is now actively in a same-sex relationship involving "romance" then it's more than just curiosity.

    Posted by: Mary | Dec 1, 2013 10:53:14 PM


  3. Yet more misleading articles from Towleroad. Maria Bello did NOT say she is bisexual.

    She is probably a lesbian who put out for a man - after all, a woman does not need to be aroused in order to reproduce - for the sole purpose of having a child.

    If that's the case, I have no respect for her at all. She is NOT a good role model for the GLBT community.

    Posted by: jim bryant | Dec 1, 2013 11:07:36 PM


  4. Why does the gay media automatically classify women as bisexual but men as gay? Double standard.

    What's wrong with bisexual men? Don't they fit in with the prevailing PC? Afraid of bisexual men, are you?

    Posted by: jim bryant | Dec 1, 2013 11:10:18 PM


  5. @Mary: She could be bi, pan, lesbian, or even still consider herself straight.

    Posted by: Jake | Dec 1, 2013 11:22:33 PM


  6. I can't stand these women who say they are straight when they are in a relationship with a man and then lesbian when they're in a relationship with a woman. Cue Anne Heche.

    Like it or not, women are liars. They don't respect their sexuality in the way men do.

    Why don't women respect their sexuality? It's because they don't experience arousal in order to bring their eggs to the point of fertilization. On the other hand, men have to be aroused in order to deliver sperm to the point of fertilization.

    Straight, gay or bi...we don't need these women in the gay rights movement. They are the ones who are causing it enormous damage with their lies and faking.

    Posted by: jason smets | Dec 2, 2013 12:15:55 AM


  7. Angelina Jolie is no more bisexual than is Brad Pitt. The reason more women tend to say they are bisexual is because they are rewarded for it. Men don't get rewarded for saying they are bisexual. If they did get rewarded, Brad Pitt would be saying he is bisexual too.

    The other thing you need to remember is that male bisexuality is considered threatening by women. Women find male bisexuality threatening because it takes away her ability to control a man's sexual behavior.

    If a man is bisexual, he doesn't need to follow her orders in order to receive her approval and consent to sexual activity. If she doesn't agree to have sex with him, he can always go to a man. Women find this very upsetting because it means that she is no longer able to pull the strings on the relationship.

    Posted by: jason smets | Dec 2, 2013 12:38:29 AM


  8. I'm glad the Towleroad loons are out in full force in the comments tonight.

    Posted by: ger | Dec 2, 2013 1:19:58 AM


  9. She refers to it as a 'choice'. We 'chose' to become romantically involved. It just feels to me that it's different for gay males. I never made a 'choice' about who or what gives me a boner.

    Women, I guess, are more emotionally orientated in their choice of a partner. Men can't fake their attraction. Women seem to be able to 'choose' who they're attracted to. Some of them, at least.

    Posted by: writingme | Dec 2, 2013 2:10:27 AM


  10. Good Lord, is there NO moderation of the ridiculous misogyny in some of these comments? "Women are liars"? Give me a f#cking break!

    Posted by: JCF | Dec 2, 2013 3:40:51 AM


  11. Good Lord, is there NO moderation of the ridiculous misogyny in some of these comments? "Women are liars"? Give me a f#cking break!

    Posted by: JCF | Dec 2, 2013 3:40:51 AM


  12. Nice to see Brian Brown hasn't given up trolling Towleroad. Back from Russia, so soon?

    Posted by: FFS | Dec 2, 2013 4:05:14 AM


  13. Will be interesting to compare the media's take on Tom Daley's bisexuality to hers.

    Posted by: Elegir | Dec 2, 2013 6:25:39 AM


  14. Good for her. This is an inspiring story about a mother being honest with herself, her partner and her child.

    And to all the idiots posting on this story, go away. You suck. I'm so tired of trolls controlling the comment section of this website that I love. Andy, get these freaks off of here, please. It's maddening.

    Maria, I love you.
    Trolls, f*ck off.

    Posted by: Marc | Dec 2, 2013 7:10:01 AM


  15. she comes out and tom daley too. cool day. :)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJwJnoB9EKw&nofeather=True

    Posted by: khaled | Dec 2, 2013 7:14:04 AM


  16. she comes out and tom daley too. cool day. :)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJwJnoB9EKw&nofeather=True

    Posted by: khaled | Dec 2, 2013 7:15:43 AM


  17. Tom Daley is not bisexual. He is gay. He is 19 and is doing the age-old tale of claiming to be bi.

    Mark my words - he will NEVER have a girlfriend.

    As for Maria Bello - good for her. But her son's statement “Mom, love is love, whatever you are,” sounds like it was written by a PR agent

    Posted by: MaryM | Dec 2, 2013 7:41:56 AM


  18. I knew it! :)

    My gaydar pinged strongly with her.

    Posted by: Steve | Dec 2, 2013 8:43:38 AM


  19. Quick! Call Mark Regnerus! We found another one!

    Posted by: Faux Family Outcome "Study" | Dec 2, 2013 10:02:30 AM


  20. Nice. Love Maria. Wonderful actress.

    Posted by: MickyFlip | Dec 2, 2013 12:51:20 PM


  21. Good for her, I wish her all the best.

    Posted by: Edd | Dec 2, 2013 2:20:07 PM


  22. Bi-sexual is such a safe way to characterize oneself.

    Posted by: andrew | Dec 2, 2013 8:00:26 PM


  23. Who cares?

    Posted by: Rotundra | Dec 2, 2013 9:02:57 PM


  24. So many of these posts disturb me - more than what Maria says disturbs me. As a bisexual woman who is rarely taken seriously by being honest about her orientation, I am disappointed she so consciously chooses to NOT say she is bisexual. She very clearly does not mention bisexuality. Also I HATE that she says she "chose" her girlfriend because it seemed smart (that is literally what she is saying) - not "who am I passionate about?", "who am I attracted to?", "who can't I get out of my mind?", "who do I dream of spending the rest of my life with?"... nope - "I realized I was most comfortable around her, why not take that to the next level" WHAT!?

    You know what, scratch that - she doesn't need to say she's bisexual, she can define love however she likes and leave LGBT out of it, especially the B.

    Bisexual women spend enough time being ridiculed by men for being (a) attention whores, (b) lying or (c) must be unfaithful nympho. Couldn't possibly be I have since a very young age been attracted to and fallen in love with both sexes... no please, believe EVERYONE ELSE being born that way, but ignore this one, this one's just an identity crisis.

    Posted by: Anna | Dec 19, 2013 5:46:01 PM


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