Gay adult film performer Alex Mecum went to a tantric retreat for porn actors and opened up about the experience and his own feelings about sex, spirit, and connection in a recent video for Himeros TV.
So what does a tantric retreat involve?
“It’s getting away from the noise of every day an experience something new and deeper about ourselves,” Mecum said. “It’s about a way of connecting with people in ways you haven’t connected before.”
Mecum, who was the second-most searched for gay adult performer in 2018 according (wk-unfriendly) to the site str8upgayporn, said that when he first started doing adult films he had a vision of what he was supposed to be on camera, and worried about his image.
Said Mecum, who attended the retreat with fellow performers Adam Ramzi, Max Adonis and Calvin Banks: “All of our actions should sprout out of desire as opposed to being told what to do.”
At the retreat he learned just that, but was at first apprehensive: “I was really guarded when I first got here…I was in a new place, those walls started going up.”
“Emotionally I’m very guarded,” he added. “It’s hard for me to let my guard down. I don’t let a lot of people in. A lot of times I rely on my self achievements or something about me to pull me through things. I have a hard time. I don’t really emotionally connect as well with people.”
In one scene shot at the retreat, the performers passed a hematite heart around, the performers shared some of their dreams they had the night before. In another they stood up in front of other attendees and shared something they had brought with them.
“I don’t have my safe spot,” said Mecum. “I can’t be the smart one…This is a completely different environment for me…It was sort of intimidating for me cause I didn’t know how people would accept me because I really don’t have anything to offer, at least in my own mind.”
Mecum showed off a blue rope harness he made, which led to some penetrating (literally) questions from the other attendees about the craziest things he has put up his butt and penis and ultimately allowed Mecum to open up about being a Mormon.
Said Mecum: “When I was 18 I went on a Mission…I thought of the gay community, all they did was drink and talk about sex and [go] to clubs and there was no substance. It scared me for a little bit and I distanced myself away from it, became very religious again, went on a Mission, came back, was still gay. And the rest is history.”
Mecum appeared enlightened by his experience and shared some of his thoughts about gay sex and his personal journey: “I think there was always a little bit of residual guilt that went along with having sex so having to overcome that was a big hurdle and actually getting into porn really helped me realize the difference between having a real connection and just doing the motions. And I realized that that connection is something that’s really holy and I guess I can sort of agree with them.”
“Coming from a religious background I felt like just the act of sex, even though I had accepted my sexuality…was still in some way vulgar,” he shared. Getting into porn made me realize the difference between having the connection and having the ability [to use] sex as a way to give someone something good – whether it’s a viewer or your scene partner you can affect them in a positive way. And that’s what I think this is all about – always having a motive for when you have sex [to] being able to give someone something.”
He concluded: “Life has a way of always running in circles it seems. I always would learn the same lessons over and over again. This has been another period in life where I have relearned something I knew before. Hopefully it will stick around this time.”
Check out Mecum’s experience: