Since viewers were trying to decide this week “between a Hallmark movie and an alien autopsy” when deciding which Town Hall, Biden or Trump, they were going to watch, SNL decided to help viewers out.
“One town hall was a thoughtful, cogent discussion of the issues facing our country,” said the show’s announcer. “The other featured President Trump.”
George Stephanopoulos (Mikey Day) launched the Biden town hall by announcing that “the vibe we’re going for tonight is poorly attended college lecture” before announcing ” former vice president and future oatmeal spokesman Joe Biden.”
Said Day’s Stephanopoulos after Biden’s Carrey engaged in some athletic theatrics and Joeisms: “Okay, Joe. Let’s focus. Now, are you ready for softball questions from folks who are already voting for you?
Replied Carrey’s Biden: “You bet your short pants I am! This is going to be exciting, George. I’ve given every audience member a glass of warm milk and a blanket. Now who’s ready to have some fun with facts and figures?”
The audience questions began with Day’s Stephanopoulos asking audience members to limit the number of times they say they hate Trump, to a chorus of boos.
Cut to “surprise badass Savannah Guthrie” played by Katie McKinnon, who said, “If you were angry at NBC for doing this town hall, just let me get a few questions in and I think you’ll thank me. … We have lots of voters to ask questions, but I’d like to start by tearing you a new one.”
McKinnon’s Guthrie then rattled off a list of questions to Alec Baldwin’s Trump:
“Why won’t you condemn white supremacy?”
“I do condemn it. I’ve always more or less condemned it.”
“What about QAnon?”
“You mean the group that thinks Democrats are a cabal of Satan-worshipping pedophiles, and I’m their messiah? I don’t know anything about them at all.”
“Yes, you do Mr. President.”
“All I do is that they’re against pedophilia, and I agree with that. If anyone is against pedophiles it’s me, the man who was personal friends with one of the most famous pedophiles on Earth. Rest in Power Jeffrey.”
“What about the Aryan brotherhood?”
They’re very pro-family, that’s all I know.”
“Your car breaks down, you call triple-K.”
McKinnon’s Guthrie then knocked Trump for his retweeting of conspiracy theories: “You can’t just do things like that. You’re not just someone’s crazy uncle.”
“Really,” Baldwin’s Trump replied, “because this conversation we’re having right now is a preview of Thanksgiving dinner at a lot of American households. So crazy uncles, stand back and stand by.”
Cut back to Biden’s Carrey at the opposing town hall: “And that brings us back to 1939, a year I went to the world’s fair and met the real Mickey Mouse.”
Cut back to Baldwin’s Trump and McKinnons Guthrie parrying over COVID tests and the president’s health, before passing to a selection of voters including Paulette Dale, the voter who complimented Trump on his smile.
Cut back to Biden’s town hall as Carrey’s Biden is telling a story to God.
Cut back to Baldwin’s Trump talking about the swimmer’s body he has after COVID.
“The question is, why won’t you release your taxes?” Guthrie insisted.
Replied Baldwin’s Trump: “That’s simple. Because I don’t want to go to jail.”
The next question came from a voter on Trump’s SCOTUS nominee.
Replied Baldwin’s Trump as the shot expanded to include the woman in the red mask nodding behind the president, causing Baldwin to break character: “I didn’t tell Amy Conan O’Brien to vote any way on any issue. Some people say that Roe v. Wade should be overturned and burned in a trash can, like antifa is burning all of my ballots because everyone knows the radical left are trying to steal this election.”
Maya Rudolph’s Kamala Harris then interrupted Trump’s Town Hall to ask of the nodding woman, “What the hell is happening with that woman, because I only nod that much if a waiter asks if I’ll be having mimosas at brunch. … I’m genuinely trying to understand what’s happening. Because if you’re not a plant, then I am deeply, deeply concerned for you.”
Cut to The Biden Town Hall where Carrey’s Biden is putting a sweater on like Mister Rogers and singing his theme song.
Cut back to Trump’s Town Hall which has become a Wrestlemania episode between Trump and Guthrie.
Wrestlemania announcer: “Savannah is telling him there’s another question, but no, it was just a distraction! Savannah Guthrie has a folding chair! From the audience! And Trump doesn’t see it!”
Cut back to Biden’s Town Hall where Carrey’s Biden has become Bob Ross painting a happy tree.
In closing, Biden’s Carrey promised to “not tweet once, because I don’t know how” and Baldwin’s Trump asking America if they’re better off than 4 years ago, which America answered with a resounding “no.”