Saturday Night Live offered a pre-election Halloween message from Joe Biden (Jim Carrey) in its cold open, who drew from the writings of macabre master Edgar Allen Poe to weave a frightening tale about this Tuesday.
“It’s a spooky time, full of demons and darkness,” said Carrey’s Biden. “Also, it’s Halloween. And for some Trump voters, it’s the only day they’ll wear a mask.”
“Don’t worry. I’m eight points ahead. Poll numbers like that can only go wrong once in a blue moon,” said Carrey’s Biden, looking out the window to reveal a blue moon (and yesterday’s was the first blue moon on Halloween since 1944). “Huh. Well, that’s a little troubling.”
Carrey’s Biden then attempted, unsuccessfully, to get our minds off the election by offering a reading from Edgar Allen Poe based on the gothic master’s classic “The Raven”.
Once upon a midnight dreary
while Trump retweeted QAnon theories
and rifled through his Adderall drawer,
I was writing my acceptance speech
when something stopped me with a screech.
It was a knock upon my chamber door.
It was someone still a little sore
(Kate McKinnon’s Hillary Clinton appeared through the door)
Which made me scared of four years more.
Quoth the Clinton: “We lost before.“
The prospect of losing again then became the running theme for the rest of the sketch, with McKinnon’s Clinton bringing up Michael Moore’s warning that voters are being undercounted, worries that the election could still be stolen, and the Bush/Gore debacle.
Carrey’s Biden then summoned election predictor Nate Silver.
“He will know the score,” said Carrey’s Biden before Mikey Day’s Silver chimed in, “I was wrong before.” Day’s Silver then said the odds of Trump winning are about the same as him rolling a one on a die before proceeding to roll two ones in a row.
“I’m just going to leave because I think our country’s haunted,” said Day’s Silver, disappearing.
“Our country’s not haunted,” Carrey’s Biden yelled. “We just have to come together. Like two butt cheeks, to stop the crap!”
Chris Redd’s Lil Wayne and Kenan Thompson’s Ice Cube then showed up and declared they’re supporting Trump because of taxes.
Biden’s Carrey then summoned his running mate, Maya Rudolph’s Kamala Harris, who summoned Beck Bennett’s Mitch McConnell and his “old man purple” hands.
Said Bennett’s McConnell before darting out the door: “Basically my blood hates me so much, it’s trying to leave my body.”
Carrey’s Biden and Rudolph’s Harris then tried to reassure voters that everything would be okay.
“Though it’s never a good sign when Walmart stops selling guns,” Said Rudolph’s Harris. “Use your voice, and use your vote. Democracy will represent.”
Added Carrey’s Biden: “It’s daylight savings time. Let’s gain an hour and lose a president!”