SUCH TRANSPARENCY. White House ordered federal health official meetings to be classified: “The officials said that dozens of classified discussions about such topics as the scope of infections, quarantines and travel restrictions have been held since mid-January in a high-security meeting room at the Department of Health & Human Services (HHS), a key player in the fight against the coronavirus.”
PAUL GOSAR. Self-quarantining GOP lawmaker jokes about giving coronavirus to Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
WHO. Coronavirus now officially a pandemic: “Eight countries — including the U.S. — are now each reporting more than 1,000 cases of COVID-19, caused by the virus that has infected more than 120,000 people worldwide.”
READY, WRESTLE. Rob Gronkowski prepares to join the WWE.
KUMAIL NANJIANI. Getting buff gave me body dysmorphia.
AOC. On Bernie’s primary performance: “There’s no sugarcoating it. Tonight is a tough night. Tonight is a tough night electorally. Older voters, which we know are more reliable voters, which we know turn out, have decisively gone to former Vice President Biden. There’s a generational divide within the Democratic Party on health care, on climate change, on foreign policy, pretty much every policy imaginable. As a younger person in this movement, I take a lot of that as information for how we navigate the next decade. If you win a race, you win a race.”
VINDICTIVE. Trump endorses former Attorney General Jeff Session’s opponent Tommy Tuberville in Alabama Senate primary. “The endorsement of Tuberville is a major boost for the former Auburn University football coach three weeks before the primary runoff between the two Republicans. Tuberville earned the top spot in last week’s primary, narrowly edging out Sessions but falling well short of the 50 percent of the vote needed to avoid a runoff.”
UTAH. Senate bill that would prevent teachers from bullying students passes: “A bill that would require substitute teachers to be trained on appropriate classroom behavior has passed in the Senate — coming in response to an incident last year when a Utah substitute snapped at a fifth grade boy being adopted by two gay dads and told him that “homosexuality is a sin.'”
PRESIDENT FOREVER. Russia’s lower house of parliament backs changes allowing Vladimir Putin to run again for president. “Putin, a former KGB officer, is currently required by the constitution to step down in 2024 when his second sequential and fourth presidential term ends. But the amendment which he backed would formally reset his presidential term tally to zero.”
HOT WING FACE-OFF OF THE DAY. James Corden and Niall Horan.
BRACKET TOURNAMENT OF THE DAY. Trump’s best word.
HUMP DAY HAIRY. Dion Nucifora.
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1987 was a big year – the first episode of the Simpsons aired, bras were shown on live models on TV for the first time, and Cher famously uttered the phrase “Snap out of it!”. Most importantly, however, was my birth, which began 33 wonderful years of dad jokes, bad dancing, and general dorkiness. You’re welcome 🥳 #birthdayboy