Apple's Gay Rainbow Product Launch Was A Coming-Out Party For A Couple Of VGL, No-Drama, Well-Endowed, Transgressive, Iconic Tech Products Looking To Hook Up On 4/20

Apple isn’t big on labels, but they are never going to do the non-binary thing.

apple's gay Rainbow Launch — Apples Launch was all Rainbows

It’s a big gay world of tech today, for Apple FanX.

First, the Teletubby in the room. Initially it seemed like CEO Tim Cook was headed for a hike or possibly would find a zen walk and a Mandala, with or without monks. Or maybe a walk through the Rambles. I can’t be the only one surprised to realize he was on his way to see Tinky Winky and Sponge Bob.

Apple announced a slew of new and improved products. The biggest ones were part of the new Apple-created M1 chip roll out across their product line. The first devices Minis and laptops. Today they expanded into new iMacs and upgraded iPad Pro. The M1 chip has been consistently well reviewed as well made and over delivering on what one can do with it.

The biggest visual impact are the new rainbow iMacs. It’s the lines first full redesign in more than a decade. Immediately slimmer and iconic, the next in a long line of iconic designs for this product. (Some images at the end).

The IPad Pro upgrades are huge but not much to see at thi resolution. Major improvements in speed, better cameras, mics and speakers, along with yet another big jump in screen quality, and they will work with Xbox and Playstation games. The monitor, they say, is equivalent to the top of the line Apple monitor.

With Air Tags, Apple enters another category. Leveraging the network we create taking our iPhones everywhere this product leverages the network to track anything you add a tag to, directly competing with Tile, but leveraging the networks a bit like Grindr.

The company also announced Apple TV 4K, and redesigned the Apple remote (that is part of the Air Tags network, as the most frequently lost device they’ve got.)

Keeping up the celebration of gay culture, they added the color purple to the current generation of iPhone 12s. I can think of no other reason for the choice, but it is pretty. And introduced to a cover version of ‘The Candyman’. Gene Wilder, not the slasher pic. This color and inro was giving more Berlin Berlin Cabaret or German Guy in Green Shoes or possibly Hells Kitchen Bar, or i guess Violet Beauregarde who is demanding a slot on Drag Race.

Circling back to Drag Race and Tim Cook, we should warn you of the wig snatch, no lip sync, part way through the mini action adventure spoof. Our hero is on top of the tire-shaped Apple office building acting like Tom Cruise– running, rappelling, using the cutting laser feature in Apple pencil (who knew?) . Once inside thy followed the Catherine Zeta Jones paybook and steal an to steal an M1 chip, hiding it in the secret flip open compartment of an Apple Watch??

Mission accomplished, they rip the wig off (latex mask too) revealing It was Tim Cook the whole time, perhaps the person least likely to need to break in and sneak around in order to get a look at the new chip. And the early 90s music sounds like Fat Boy Slim or Crystal Method gone industrial .

And it all ended back in Teletubby land. There was no flashmob, production number or hills coming alive. Cook did not sing. He’s just done things that were supposedly impossible, starting with taking over a successful, personality driven, innovative company and kept it innovating and earning ever more impossible seeming sums from products people love.

Arguably he’s also already been a better corporate citizen than his predecessor, not just for coming out, but for engaging in the world. He defended against attacks on Trans people during the Trump era, and just a few weeks ago put Apple in a leadership position on voting rights, as one of the first rounds of companies calling out Georgia lawmakers for inhibiting the vote. Some links to past reporting at the end of this post.

For those who FanX or StanX Apple, enjoy. And for those who hate, let us have at least overnight to roll around in it. Most of the products will not be available until April 30, and so until then they are infallible. I still have my original Newton right here. It’s near the iMac (Late 2015 model), that needs replacing ASAP. It’s not close to “instant on” but it’s been 6 years of constant use, testament to something since it’s been “always on” in that time.