Comments

  1. Chippy James says

    This is sad, the family is stuck in a form of stasis with everyone walking around each other in eggshells rather than dealing with the issue of their son’s human rights. Rep. Salmon needs to start listening to his son and realise he is not going to change and he needs to embrace all that his son is. This half-life helps no one.

  2. SC David says

    “I can’t expect my parents to accept me in my views unless I accept them in their views.”

    This is pitiful to the point of being infuriating. Did he learn nothing at ASU? Are all views equivalently worthy of respect? I don’t know whether to blame him or his college for this quality of thinking.

    Maybe I’m being too harsh and it’s Battered Person Syndrome. He’s rationalizing his learned helplessness and staying with and helping his abusers (hey, no problem, I’ll edit your anti-gay screed for you…may I load the gun you’re going to shoot me with? may I uncoil the whip you’re going to lash me with?). It sure makes the Mormon church look ugly. Unfortunately, the gay Mormons I’ve met too often show this sort of self-abusive thinking. Very, very sad.

  3. Jay says

    This kid has been deeply wounded. I would not be surprised to read someday of his nervous breakdown or suicide. I hope that will not happen. But he needs to get help from some competent therapist, not to change his orientation but to help heal from the emotional abuse he has suffered at the hands of his church and family.

  4. coexxi says

    This poor guy is an emotional hostage. He evens says that he wants to marry one day and his parents are ACTIVLY working against it.
    And the whole therapy thing… he just glosses over it… denial, denial, denial.

  5. Christophe says

    That’s precisely why they call it “Stockholm Syndrome,” JerzeeMike. It’s a psychological condition in which hostages express empathy and positive feelings toward their captors, sometimes to the point of defending them. But that’s only because they were being mind-controlled to do so. Inflicting “rejection” or “correction” upon one’s family members for the benign characteristic of being gay (legal in the U.S., see Lawrence v. Texas, 2003) is known as abuse; and victims need to reach out and get help for it as soon as possible, if they see it happening in their own lives. Take it from a rejected son: get free and stay away from homophobes. If you need help, find safe space and contact PFLAG or The Trevor Project, those organizations are there to assist in time of need.

  6. Michael Heynz says

    You can love your bigoted father all you want, we are still going to fight back against those who work to deny us equal legal status under the law for our families, our lives, and our freedom. Your father is our enemy, and we will be fighting him and everyone like him.

  7. RMc says

    He doesn’t love (unconditionally) you enough to support your constitutional right to marry the man you choose the live the rest of your life with and make sure that you are 100% legally protected in the eyes of the law. He believes that you are inferior, treats you as inferior, and thinks the government that you pay taxes to should treat you as inferior and you let him, that is disgusting and pathetic. He doesn’t deserve your respect, he deserves to be excluded.

  8. Mike Ryan says

    I promise you that his parent’s rejection is going to haunt this guy until he can stand it no more. Looking at the photos presented of his family gatherings you can see that he is the outsider, that even he doesn’t feel comfortable. He’s young, very naive and has been brought up to believe he is less than his siblings, that he is less of a person under the eyes of (his Mormon) God. Altho he tries his best to put a good face on it out of love for his family obviously, inside it has to be eating at him. I predict a sad ending to his happiness claims today.

  9. Steve says

    His Mormon brainwashing surely plays a role on this. “Family” (no matter how shallow it really is for them) is really big in that cult. And he has been conditioned to obey without question.

  10. Jack. says

    Why do they keep interviewing him? He is particularly uninteresting on the third go-around, and he’s never had ANYTHING interesting to say. In fact, beyond his It Gets Better video, I can’t think of a single thing he’s said that was worth hearing. He’s a little bit maudlin, a little bit whiny, and severely deluded. It’s almost like the media is trying to smear Mormonism (not that they need to) but continuing to give away free tickets to this freak show. I refuse to listen anymore.

  11. Joe o says

    Sad I remember a lot of this 40 years ago!
    We would get these people coming into the Gay Activist Alliance.
    Honoring religious prejudice in an elected official is disgusting. Loving your parents in spite of their rejection is masochism!

  12. says

    Sad.
    Personally if I was not supported in these circumstances I would be busy packing my bags.
    Being gay with the right to absolute equality are not negotiable instruments. I cannot allow my pride and self respect to be diminished to the point of someone thinking me a lower status person because I want to marry a man.
    This kid and his inner pride have already been irreparably damaged either for the political ambitions of his father or for the phantasmagorical concoctions of Joseph Smith and his amazing technicolour Gold Plates.

  13. JONES says

    Here we have the abused (conversion therapy) gay son of a man (and his wife) that actively work to make legislation against the LGBT community. This isn’t just a private family matter … Salmon is a US Senator for f**k sakes.

    Anderson Cooper took the gloves off gave Matt Salmon a free pass on any hard line questions and a national platform with which to ask for acceptance of his fathers bigotry.

  14. says

    His parents were brainwashed as well, by a patriarchal religion obsessed with reproduction and creating more Mormons. Some day the leader of the church will have a “revelation,” just like the one that decided that dark-skinned people were human, and suddenly gays and lesbians will be accepted.

  15. HadenoughBS says

    Mormonism + reparative therapy + extremist rightwing conservatives = Matt R. Salmon. Condolences to him for having to “live” under these conditions.

  16. David in the O.C. says

    Your parents picked their religious beliefs and their political ideology over their own flesh and blood. That says it all. They chose “things” over their own child’s civil equality. They don’t deserve to be called parents. I can say the parents are incredibly lucky to have such a self-loathing child to manipulate. Because if they were my parents, I would have disowned them years ago. As far as I’m concerned, they’re vile human beings.

  17. MichaelJ says

    @Michael Heynz is correct. Our opinions of the bigoted father are not going to be affected by whatever love there is in this family.

    But that in turn doesn’t mean we need to expect that the son not love his father and to have only a confrontational relationship with his family. The relationship between parents and son is hardly ideal, but people here are being unfairly harsh on this young man, particularly by saying he suffers from Stockholm syndrome. The correct analogy with the Stockholm syndrome would be if the son says I love you dad, I know you love me, I know you’re a good man, I know you are anti-gay and therefore I know that all your anti-gay political work is good and that I support it fully and believe that anyone else who doesn’t support you is wrong.

    I don’t think that is the case with this young man. When he says he supports his father, he means it in a personal way. He isn’t saying that he agrees with his father’s anti-gay marriage. Nor is he saying that no one should be fighting for gay marriage and fighting against his father’s politics. (I don’t think he would disagree with what Michael Heynz wrote.)

    He is merely stating that in order to have any sort of relationship with his parents, he is going to have to accept that they are not pro-gay just like they are going to have to accept him being gay.

    Sure it would be great if this son were to start to become politically active against his father, as some relations of anti-gay politicos have done (e.g., pro-gay politico Richard Socarides, son of a well-know anti-gay conversion therapy shrink). But for now it better that he is communicating with his conservative parents, to a certain extent on his own terms as an openly gay man who is accepted as that (albeit not with full respect, as others have pointed out), and who, if we can take him at his word (and I think we can), would bring a boyfriend home to meet his folks. This is a lot better than a don’t-ask-don’t-tell situation that many people have with their families in which their families’ homophobia is never confronted.

    All this isn’t to say that the son hasn’t suffered some emotional abuse from his upbringing. I just don’t think he needs to have a hostile relationship with his family, or have no relationship at all, to deal with his abuse, as some here would have it.

  18. Squirt says

    In 1986 my mormon mother set up a support group for families of gay people in Salt Lake City, based on the radical idea that families should not explode just because one of the kids is gay. She was nearly tossed out of the church for it, even though the mormons purport to be pro-family.

    I don’t think it is unreasonable for this kid to love his parents at the moment, even though they reject who he is and his right to self-identify. But it’s a transitional state, it can’t last forever. Something’s gonna give, either the parents’ homohatred or the son’s attachment to parents whose “love” is conditional. Too bad my mom’s dead, I would love for her to go give this kid’s parents’ heads a shake.

  19. Brad S says

    Unconditional love goes both ways. I certainly don’t agree with his parents, or the path they have taken but if he simply gives up and walks away nothing will ever change. I was lucky, my parents accepted my being gay with no problem but I know many people that went through a lot of struggle before they reached a point where the relationship was repaired. Family is important and walking away should be a last resort. This family has gone from wanting him “fixed” to accepting him, at least so he doesn’t feel totally outcast. That is movement. It’s very easy to say choose your loved one over your belief but I see little in the comments above that show any willingness to choose yours over your beliefs. Equality is something that we all must have, but it has never been something that was easy for everyone just because it’s right and obvious to us. We should see some positive when there is movement in our direction and not just horror at the fact that someone did not simply flip to our point of view. In equality and in family these things move one step at a time for many people. If they are stepping in the right direction we should not abandon all hope for them. Support is a 2 way street.

  20. VSo says

    His response to Anderson’s last question says it all: He has never introduced a partner to his family. When that happens, his family’s supposed “support” of him will show its true face. Like so many families, they tolerate the *notion* of his gayness as long as the *actuality* of it (a partner, a social contract) remains hidden. His relationship with his family is a sad sexual minstrel show.

  21. JONES says

    @MichaelJ ‘He is merely stating that in order to have any sort of relationship with his parents, he is going to have to accept that they are not pro-gay’

    This isn’t what he’s saying at all.

    Their being ‘pro-gay’ doesn’t enter in to the discussion ever. Not being pro-gay is a far cry from being actively anti gay.

    He’s claiming that they’re not ‘anti gay’ that his father isn’t a bigot … on local and now national TV interviews.

    Send their gay son for conversion therapy, make legislation against gay civil rights and that same said son goes on interviews defending them and claiming that they’re not anti gay. Doesn’t get a pass for that with me.

  22. Markt says

    My family rejected me for being gay based on religion. But they would never have asked me to change.[Although the whole issue would have dropped the minute I became involved with a woman.] I think it’s a big difference. The notion that you have the right to tell someone who they have to be in such an important aspect of one’s person. Matt has to find his way through that because it’s a serious, discordant and dysfunctional aspect of his up-bringing. And he will pay a price for not standing against it.
    Anderson Cooper – dude – the guy’s in medical school – ask him questions about the established medical understanding of his parents’ attitude, reparative therapy, etc. Stop being such a pussy.

  23. Dastius Krazitauc says

    I wanted Anderson to ask him what “support each other” meant to him. And I would love for him to interview the parents. I would like to know if they regret the conversion therapy they put him through.

  24. Skeptical Cicada says

    Why are we giving attention to this little self-loathing Mormon who has had about two seconds of real life experience and, as far as I can tell, has yet to find a partner whom he expects to submit to being treated like an outcast.

  25. PAUL B. says

    I found this painful to watch although I believe the young man is being honest with Anderson. He’s young enough to still be forming his own ideas and he’s miles ahead of where I was at his age. He needs the love & support of the gay community and our willingness to accept him wholeheartedly right where he is on his journey. We all arrive at different times and we all need to embrace each other along the way. I watch the other side tear each other up and hope we never sound like that to our own brothers & sisters. We’re better than that.

  26. joel says

    Pathetic, if they don’t support you having equal rights to them as citizens of this country than they don’t support you period. If he’s crazy enough to think those small minded bigots he has for parents would welcome him bringing someone home for them to meet he’s even more delusional than he seems, additionally if he cared for that person he wouldn’t subject them to it. Very sad.

  27. JoelD says

    While agreeing that the interview did not dig deep, I think doing so would have been cruel to this young guy who is clearly carrying (burying) a lot of pain. For anyone sensitive enough to see that, it is hardly necessary to destroy the kid on someone else’s schedule…he has every right to work it out in his own time and it seems he is on the path.

    That said, I think it would be great to have some of the issues raised in these comments as follow up commentary– a “we must ask….” editorial style commentary could weave the threads and place this story in a helpful context.

  28. Ray says

    What I don’t understand why he is going on to these programs and trying to “share” with us all just how F’d up his family is.

    He can hold whatever sad opinion he wants, after all it is his mother and father we;re talking about but why tell us about that.

    I also find it stunning that he says, “I didn’t plan on being gay so the anti-gay bill mom was working didn’t bother me”.

    The GOP is all the same, as long as it doesn’t effect me or my family let em suffer!

  29. Rick says

    A parent can certainly love his or her gay son unconditionally and still be opposed to same-sex marriage. Marriage is not a fundamental right and not essential to having a full life if you are gay (and 98% of gay people will never marry, even when it does become universally legal).

    Just as parents can love a son or daughter unconditionally and dislike certain aspects of their behavior or personality or their chosen spouses or some of their interests or a gazillion other things about them.

    And it works both ways. How many of us are dislike a whole bunch of things about one or both of our parents, but still love them, simply because they are our parents? Practically all of us.

    Politics does not define life. One doesn’t reject one’s child or one’s parent simply because they don’t see eye to eye with you on everything.

  30. kodiak says

    Hope he gets lots of dates from this interview. He’s hot. Wonder what his grindr handle is? That being said, I hope he gets away and continues to evolve and perhaps his parents will play catch up with him. He and his parents seem to be mirroring each other, in terms of “love and support”, but he’s always going to be on the losing side, until the Mormon church accepts gays. Then his parents will do a quick turn around. Sad, how churches screw things up. I wonder if he is still a Mormon? I wonder if his missionary service opened up his mind a little. The bottom line is, his dad will vote against marriage equality, his mom will continue to write anti-gay policy, and he will have to deal with parents whom he can’t trust or confide in, only ‘understand’ their position, in hopes (most likely futile) that they will come to see what a great person he is. Nope. He’s a homo, the new “Mark of Cain” in the Mormon Church.

  31. LCR Jay says

    Some of you won’t be happy until he is just as estranged from his family as you are yours. That’s what this is really about. Families are supposed to accept each others flaws, idiosyncrasies and hang-up’s. Parents do not have to like everything their adult children do, they just have to do the best they can to get along if they want their children in their lives, and from the looks of it, they’re doing just that. I know people dont want to hear this, because of he anti-religion views on blog, but…the fact that this mormon kid was not excommunicated to the point where he was completely shunned by the family/community is actually a credit to his family. If they were truly the bigots that everyone claims, they would all openly hate and shun each other.

  32. JONES says

    @LCR Jay

    They sent their son to conversion therapy.
    Is this what you equate to doing ‘their best to get along’ ?

    His mother was president of the group that wrote the AZ amendment to constitutionally ban gay marriage and she fu**ing asked him to help edit it.

    He loves them so much that he’s blind to how harmful that are to him specifically and society at large.

  33. says

    it’s a very sad and even more extreme version of the way GOProud convinces themselves that they too are loved and accepted.

    when your treatment by your own family has been so awful, you end up thinking that a change to a pitiful level of almost-tolerance is GOOD. but it’s not actually GOOD. it just seems that way compared to …well.

    here’s the thing – stop comparing your father, Matt, to worse parents and start comparing him to better ones.

    so far, for a “relationship” to exist matt jr needs to cater to his father’s prejudices. what’s dad doing to make his son feel more welcome? for now, it just seems like he’s simply eased off from the appalling mental abuse of previous years.

    and that is blood sad.

  34. says

    @LCR Jay :
    I’m not estranged from any of my family.
    But “flaws, idiosyncrasies, hang-ups ” ???

    I do not put being gay into any of these categories.
    I call it being perfectly normal.
    Just as being straight is perfectly normal.

    And not excommunicating him is something he should be grateful for and/or it is “a credit to his family” ?
    Seriously ?
    Are you seriously posting that kind of garbage here ?
    He should be grateful for the “reparative therapy” too I guess ?

    You sing a lovely poem, Alice, but what does it mean ?

  35. enough already says

    michaelj,
    I really appreciate the tone of your posting.
    Especially as I disagree, totally.
    Silence=Death has been the only thing which has brought us the pitiful few rights we now (sort of) have in this country.
    We are not yet at the point at which we can play deeply rooted psychologically sound long-range games with bigots.

  36. says

    as for “love” – i was always raised to feel that love meant you do whatever you can to make life better for the person you “love” – and that is simply not what Salmon Jr.’s family is doing. at all.

    the sad thing is, Jr. doesn’t trust his family’s “love” enough to make this an issue – this is, in every way, a father choosing prejudice, bigotry and the opinions of “others” over his own son.

  37. says

    the use of words indicates the delusion he needs to comfort himself about this whole situation: “difference of opinion” – this is not a difference of opinion. in any way.

    pretending it’s a difference of opinion is a generalizing way to avoid the specifics of what is so unloving and tragic about this – we have a dad that tolerates his own kind on the condition that his kid remain…and let’s be real here… in fear of losing his dad’s “love”

    Dad, you’ll notice, doesn’t worry one bit about losing the love and respect of his son.

  38. says

    definitive proof – RICK defends the father and the relationship. thanks RICK, for proving that your cowardice and internalized homophobia are a result of you not only being raised by lousy failures of parents like the Salmons, but your own spineless inability to stand up to them. truly. thanks for finally making it more obvious than before that you’re the product of a hateful home.

  39. Dave C. says

    I do wish they would stop interviewing this young man. It is always painful when your parents reject something fundamental about you. Yet his parents aren’t just not in favor of same sex marriages, THEY ARE LEADERS IN OPPRESSING GAY PEOPLE in pursuit of their beliefs. And that does include the son they love.

  40. Jack says

    Are all of you saying I was supposed to disown my parents 40 years ago when I told them I was gay and they had trouble with it? I’m supposed to stop loving my parents even today because they don’t say everything I’d like them to say? Ridiculous!

  41. says

    there’s a difference between “trouble with it” and actively working against it in politics and culture.

    what progress has been made by your parents in the last 40 years?

    it’s not about simply disowning, it’s about standing up for yourself, and that does indeed include making it very clear that you will work WITH them in overcoming their issues, but as long as they actively work to make life for “people like you” harder, the reality is that you will not make room in your life for people who care more about prejudices than loving their own son.

  42. Peter M. says

    Poor boy. His parents may love him in their own conditional way but it’s obvious that they love their bigotry more than their son. Unfortunately for him, I don’t think that will ever change. I find it quite telling when he says he couldn’t expect his parents to fully accept him unless he could accept them and their view that he and people like him should be considered second class citizens. It’s really sad, every child deserves unconditional love from his/her parents.

  43. JONES says

    After reading the ‘Over The Rainbow’ article and watching this interview again the obvious cognitive dissonance stands out so clearly.

    The legislation that his mother proposed was not just anti gay marriage but was also anti civil union and anti domestic partnership as well. So not so much about religious objections to ‘marriage’ just out and out anti gay discrimination … just not in Matt’s mind.

    ‘They love me so much’ that they sent me to conversion therapy but I want the world to know that they’re not bigots.

  44. Patrick says

    I think folks miss the dynamics of what is (or at least may be) happening in this young man’s family. He and his parents very likely start from a dogmatic belief that the young man is doomed to hell because he is gay. Anyone with a firm belief in that would readily agree to “reparative” therapy. He did that. He has grown. Undoubtedly his has wrestled through much pain far beyond the abuse of reparative therapy. He has wrestled with the meaning of his life. While many would readily see him punish his parents for not growing from the same self-loathing place by disowning them, they are far more likely to grown into understanding him if he resolutely says he loves them despite their bigotry. My money is on their own conversion when the young man lives his life in the calm but principled way he seems to be doing. Mine didn’t really come around from bigotry to understanding until they came to love their beautiful grandchildren. Too long? Maybe so, but getting there is what’s important.

    To this young man, I say hang in there and don’t suffer abuse from your own community.

  45. JONES says

    @Patrick

    ‘ While many would readily see him punish his parents for not growing from the same self-loathing place by disowning them, they are far more likely to grown into understanding him if he resolutely says he loves them despite their bigotry.’

    Advice offered in commentary here is not an attempt to get Matt to ‘punish’ his parents but is to get him to ‘stop enabling’ them. He doesn’t say I love you in spite of your bigotry. He says if fact ‘my parents are not bigots’. His steadfast denial that his parents are bigoted in their anti gay crusade does harm not only to him personally but to the LBGT community at large.

  46. mark says

    There is not a one-size-fits all solution to these cases. Frequently, one parent will be more open than the other. There may be siblings and other relatives involved.

    In this case, it seems pretty clear that it is him vs. his family, and that there is little hope for turning them around, so the best option for him seems obvious to us outsiders, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t deserving of empathy. I see a victim in this kid. You all can preach about how awful he is, but frankly, that’s a bit like blaming a battered woman. He’s been abused by his family, friends, and church for years. It will take a long time for him to heal if he ever does.

  47. henndog says

    Sorry, dude, but your parents are monsters and you are seriously delusional. He equates their lack of acceptance for his basic human dignity with his own struggle to accept their bigotry and hatefulness. Big difference: he SHOULDN’T have to accept their bigotry.

    These people aren’t just parents — they are law-makers whose anti-equality efforts negatively impact all American citizens. But at least he publicly (if tepidly) shamed them by doing this interview.

  48. Rick says

    @Patrick Very thoughtful, sensible, and well-stated.

    I am 55 and homophobia was the norm in the world I grew up in, so virtually all parents of people in my age group were homophobic…..so it would have been totally unrealistic for any of us to expect that any of our parents would be totally OK with homosexuality, even if they became aware that one of their children was gay. At least not at the outset.

    And once people pass a certain age, their core attitudes are so ingrained that they may budge on them somewhat, but are unlikely to abandon them altogether.

    Even now, even the most enlightened of parents are likely to be “disappointed” if their child turns out to be gay–even if there is no real malice, most parents would prefer that their children be like them.

    So every situation is different and every situation requires a lifetime of give and take, as you pointed out.

    Anybody who does not recognize that is just not living in the real world.

  49. nathan says

    I applaud this guy, he’s being brave and it took confidence to go on national television and talk about his situation.

    Choosing love while still in a place of pain isn’t easy, as we all know. But it’s better than fighting fire with fire, better than experiencing bigotry and responding in kind.

    If we’re gonna grow as a society, as families, as people…sometimes it’s ok to take the high road. He has not renounced his sexuality/who he his but his relationship with his family has strenghtened, because he accepts and loves them for who they are however flawed and misled they may be.

    For years gay kids (and I was one) have run from parents, shut out unaccepting family members, gone it alone. And that’s needed, sometimes, up to a point. But how much more strength does it take to maintain connections that may not be perfect but that it would cause so much more pain to sever? How well has it worked to hate the haters, what if we tried loving them?

    This kid may not be perfect, but he has the right idea. I’ll reiterate that it took bravery for him to do this interview, and it takes more bravery to stay and fight for those you love than to cut them out and be done. This is a long game we’re all playing, and love will get us farther than selfishness.

    Love always wins.

  50. JONES says

    @BobN

    Matt Salmon has left the Mormon Church.

    He’s getting bandwidth because he’s the spokesperson for the Log Cabin Republicans to help spread the meme that just because you’re anti equality doesn’t make you a bigot. He’s a foil, willingly. A foil that either doesn’t know or doesn’t care that he’s hurting the very ones that are standing against the injustice his parents foster.

    ‘If you just knew my parents you’d know they’re not bigoted.”
    When you look up the term ‘bigoted parents’ you’ll find a picture of the Salmons.

  51. Javier says

    For Matt Salmon:

    “Love and support him for who he is.”

    Does he do the same to you? Where is his love and support for your happiness?

    I don’t understand how this could be a good thing for you (emotionally or psychologically) in the long term.

    Good Luck!

  52. sister sharon says

    Ah, ha, ha, ha.

    Betcha there’s a boatload of money involved that’s keeping the son from getting too crazed. He’s thinking about the inheritance.

    ha ha ha

  53. UFFDA says

    RJ “unconditional” is close to a lie in almost every case. It’s only human for most of us to have some conditions to the love and acceptance of others, however few they may be. My religiously sincere sister is a homophobe, yet I love her while rejecting her presence in my home. My love feels unconditional to me, but it’s clearly not. While this doesn’t feel good, it’s far from tragic as we have both pledged to “be there” for each other if needed. But yah, it’s confused and unresolved. That’s how it really feels. It will change.

  54. Dan Cobb says

    This poor kid…. so impressionable. So naive. I know doctors like this. They can book learn, but they have ZERO sense of people. They are SO VULNERABLE… like this kid. It’s comical in some ways, and rather tragic in others. In some respects his parents are like him: clueless. I wonder if they subtly pressure him to “find the ‘right’ girl”.

  55. Jake says

    I bet no one here has even watched this live and seen the whole interview, which was twice as long as the clip CNN posted later.

    He seems to be a very self-confident and positive guy who got out of “therapy” relatively unharmed and says he is now happy to be gay, doesn’t want to change anymore and has accepted himself. He even said that the “therapy’s” focus on interacting with men made him more confident in approaching and meeting guys. Which was quite hilarious, the karma that is. I can only assume they didn’t post that part because it came across as too flirty between Anderson and Matt.

    It’s appalling how some people here just make the assumption the guy just has got to be unhappy and even suicidal. WTF?!

    He loves his family, they love him. And there are some religious issues that they don’t agree on but that doesn’t destory all that connects them. Love is also about compromises and he certainly wouldn’t change his father’s mind by campaigning against him. This way he maintains a good relationship with his family and still has the chance to slowly, bit by bit, change their minds.

    That’s his PERSONAL approach. Clearly anyone not personally involved has every right to fight against his father’s agenda. But be a bit more open-minded and tolerant of the way his son deals with the situation.

  56. Jake says

    @Squirt:

    Why do you say their love is conditional? If they love him right now, an out gay man who says he loves being gay and has accepted himself and would bring his bf home, how is that conditional?

  57. says

    Jake, it’s wholly conditional.
    If you have to ask “why” it’s conditional then I weep for your situation.

    “love is about compromises”? Spoken like a whipped quisling.

    LOVE is about doing all that you can to make the world, and culture, a better, safer and more inclusive place for the people you love.

    the Salmons are doing the exact opposite of that.

    “hey son. so, sending you to therapy didn’t work, but your mom and i still tolerate you. we’re just gonna make sure the rest of america thinks it’s wrong for gays to marry, have civil unions, and adopt children.”

    conditional. his parents don’t love him. they tolerate him.

    LOVE doesn’t mean you actively work to contribute to a culture that is prejudiced to people like your own son, and encouraging discrimination against them.

    you guys are sad, on here. “he’s just working to keep the relationship” – yeah, on daddy’s terms. not his own. that’s what being raised by anti-gay bigots does to a lot of gay men. but not all, thankfully.

    a great many gay men grow spines and take a stand against their parent’s bigotry. those people end up with families that come around. The Salmons? they won’t change. they have no reason to.

    also, they’ll lose standing in the LDS church if they support equality.

    they love being mormon more than they love their son.

  58. Jake says

    Okay okay, got it.

    Every out and happy gay man who is not leaving his religious family and instead tries to work it out over time = self-loathing. Because being gay is everything, it trumps love between family members and all the things that connect them and there is no way to compromise and be tolerant despite some of the things that devide them.

    It’s always astonishing how closeminded and intolerant many members of the gay community are themselves.

  59. says

    Jake – strawman arguments to make your “point” only prove your point WRONG. learn that.

    just because he’s Out doesn’t mean he’s proud, or happy. GOProud, anyone?

    Your hypocrisy is showing. It’s not that cute. Yes, we’re so intolerant of intolerance, we gays. SO intolerant of an active culture of discrimination and prejudice against us. Oh we’re TERRRRIBLE.

    that’s what gay republicans say in order to distract themselves from teh fact that their own intolerant parents work against LGBT Equality and support those who seek to codify discrimination against us. so wise up.

    you’re evading the reality, which i expect from people who refuse to see that they’re wrong on this issue: there’s alreadt a divide in the family. Jr is tolerated as long as he doesn’t man up and challenge Daddy.

    but perhaps you and your family could provide us with better insight, Jake. film a lil video with them talking about these issues, put it on youtube, and post it here. i’m sure we could all learn something valuable.

    btw, it’s not just about “disowning your family” – it’s about taking a stand. you’ll work WITH your family on overcoming their bigotry issues, but you make it damn clear that you’re a grown man and as a grown man you refuse to make time and room in your life for people who actively work against who you are as a human being, and an american citizen.

    if you feel your family loves you, you’ll do it. if you fear they don’t, you’ll pull a Matt Salmon Jr, and act like a doormat.

    nobody hugs doormats. doormats are what you use to scrape the mud off your boots.

  60. says

    how are GOProud-ers tolerated by their families? by hating gay liberals, leftists, and screaming that they’re “not like those stereotypical gay agenda gays”

    why? because that’s the only way they’re tolerated.

    Salmon is in the same boat. make no bloody mistake, his father wishes his son wasn’t gay.

  61. says

    @Red – YES.

    i just wish the apologists on here would realize something: there’s a timeline for this nonsense. if you’re doing the whole “Catering to daddy’s bigotry in hopes he’ll change thing” and it’s been a few years ,and the progress has been minimal (to say the least….) then maybe, yeah, it’s time for a new tactic.

    make it damn clear that you love them, but you’re hurt by them. and you won’t make room in your life for people who hurt you.

    and that until they make a stronger effort to work on their prejudices you will not be making room for THEM in YOUR life.

    Salmon Jr and others in here have it reversed: they’re trying to remain a part of their family’s lives, while the family aint doing a damn thing to keep the gay kid around.

    i say this as one who’s seen it work – when you make it clear that you’re a god damned adult, and you will not be making room for “family” that see you as “lesser” then they finally realize that THEY are the ones causing the divide.

    Matt Salmon? he still thinks his being gay is the reason there’s discord. he’s wrong. it’s that his family is anti-gay.

    and let’s no mince words: his daddy still wishes his son wasn’t gay.

  62. says

    that said, if you’re one of those gay people just waiting your family to die off so you can collect a hefty inheritance, by all means, keep doing what you’re doing and i wish you the best of luck enjoying the money you make from neutering yourself.

    i think a bigger part of this specific story is that Salmon Sr will simply lose standing with the LDS if he breaks from their cult-mentality and *gasp!* accepts that church doctrine is wrong about his kid.

  63. two dads says

    This thinking just gives a free pass to anti gay marriage folks to be anti gay marriage. It makes them think….well, if THIS gay kid can accept and be perfectly content with his family being against gay rights, my kid should too.

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