Saturday Night Live took aim at Ted Cruz, Andrew Cuomo, and Mandalorian star Gina Carano this week with a talk show hosted by Britney Spears (Chloe Fineman) in which public figures apologize for their misdeeds: Oops…You Did It Again.
“It’s Britney, bitch,” said Fineman’s Spears, opening the show. “You know me from my upbeat Instagram videos and the word ‘conservatorship.’”
“I started this show … so people could come on and apologize for things they’ve done wrong, because after the Free Britney documentary came out, I’m receiving hundreds of apologies a day.”
Fineman’s Spears’ first guest was Senator Ted Cruz (Aidy Bryant), fresh off his vacation to Cancun.
“Hola everyone,” said Bryant’s Cruz. “I’m not tan, I just cried myself red over my fellow Texans, and that’s why I drink in their honor.”
“Texas is going through a huge crisis right now,” Fineman’s Spears pointed out. “And you literally abandoned it and flew to Cancun for a family vacash.”
Replied Bryant’s Cruz: “That’s right. And now I’m in a little bit of hot water, which I’m told is a thing no one in Texas has.”
“Would you like to apologize?” asked Fineman’s Spears.
“Absolutely,” replied Bryant’s Cruz. “I deeply regret my actions over the last couple of days. Mostly, flying United. I’m sorry, I’m pretty bad at human stuff.”
Asked if he understood why people were calling him a coward, Bryant’s Cruz replied, “Yeah, coward is actually the nicest word I heard. But let me ask you this. Would a coward have the cojones to blame his actions on his young daughters? The whole trip was the girls‘ idea. They love Cancun. There’s so much for kids to do: The topless beach, shots at Señor Frog’s, swimming with sick dolphins. They love it.”
“Maybe leave your daughters out of it cause it could really mess up with their heads,” Fineman’s Spears clapped, to applause from the audience.
Pete Davidson’s NY Governor Andrew Cuomo then joined the show pretending to not know why he was there.
“Is it because indoor dining is back in New York?” asked Davidson’s Cuomo. “All right, I know. It’s because of the nursing home stuff.”
“Some of the people who died in the nursing homes were not counted as nursing home deaths, they were counted as hospital deaths, which is basically what happens at Disney World,” Davidson’s Cuomo explained. “People die and they move the bodies. They say, ‘Oh, I guess Brenda died in the parking lot, not on the teacups.’ So you know we just did the Disney thing. Alright, so we done here?”
After Davidson’s Cuomo apologized, Fineman’s Spears explained, “People just want answers. Bill De Blasio says you ought to be investigated.”
“What did that bird b***h say about me? I will bury him in the tallest grave this city has ever seen,” raged Davidson’s Cuomo. “I will hire a hobo to Rick Moranis him so hard he’ll think he’s back in universal pre-K! I’m sorry, I get a little angry now and then and always.”
Bryant’s Cruz then leaned over to commiserate: “You and I, were both the same. We’re both strong misunderstood men.”
“We are not the same, snapped Davidson’s Cuomo. “I am a man, you are a clown. And if you mess with me, I will send you to a clown hospital… and when you die, I will not count your body.”
Fineman’s Spears then welcomed fired Mandalorian star Gina Carano (Cecily Strong).
Said Strong’s Carano: “I’ve done nothing wrong. No one can even explain what I did wrong. Explain it.”
“On Instagram, you said conservatives have it as bad as people in Nazi Germany,” Fineman’s Spears explained.
“I never would have made that Nazi comparison if I’d known everybody was going to be such a Nazi about it,” said Strong’s Carano.
Asked if she was a victim of cancel culture, Strong’s Carano replied, “Absolutely. I was canceled by Disney. Disney is the moral high ground? Have you heard Brer Rabbit’s accent on the Splash Mountain ride recently?”
When Bryant’s Cruz leans in to try and compare himself with Strong’s Carano, she replied, “I am strong and you are a pile of soup. I am first class and you are coach. And if you compare yourself to me I will blast you to the farthest deserts of Tattooine.”
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